Oh dear, I'm so tired I typed seventy-three as my blogger username and then swore and threw the mouse when it wouldn't give me access - very meditative :-)
I absolutely agree about cheerfulness practice, kindness practice, how the physical act of smiling does actually release endorphins and make you feel better. But I think there's sometimes a fine line between this and repression/moralism. Most of us need some opportunity to express distress as well. I guess it's not about the cheerfulness practice replacing that, is it? But trying to replace the habitual sighing irritation, the negativity that DOESN'T explicitly relate to the causes of stress and strain.
Jean: Swearing can be very cathartic at times IMO! Wishing you a peaceful day ...
It was good to read yesterday's comments, and particularly good to see the serenity prayer quoted. Thank you Beth.
The cheerfulness/kindness practice: I too think it is very helpful for starting to tackle the habitual, unthinking negativity that I for one can be very prone to at times.
I do have a naturally pessimistic slant on things - a bit Eeyorish - and this kind of habitual thinking is just as much of an illusion for me as the "everything is always wonderful" variety. So consciously being aware of this and looking at the other, more cheerful, side is probably no bad thing.
I'm not of course talking about repressing real distress, genuine feelings. As Jean says, just the habitual unthinking negativity.
It always comes back to seeing things as they actually are.
Mary, 'Eeyorish' makes me giggle helplessly, in sympathy with you, at my own Eeyorishness, and because anyone less evocative of Eeyore (Mary is a willowy, elegant person)...
Yes, that's what I meant, Jean - not repressing reality, or failing to deal with it. I just want to try to deal with it from a neutral position as much as I can. Lorianne's really helpful (to me) message yesterday about how we "always have the breath to return to" is a reminder of that - and an image of ourselves sitting in meditative posture - that really forms the center of the balance, doesn't it?
On the other hand, having this place to SAY what's going on in our lives and complain or cry or despair -- and receive hugs and support and empathy - is really important to me too. Like Mary, I just want to try to understand and slowly change the unhelpful habits I identify in myself, which is what I think we're all trying to do. It really helps me to name something and then hear that others struggle with similar things. Buddha/Dharma/Sangha - clearly we need them all, whatever tradition we're coming from!
I always thought seventy-three was a good number, but context is everything! ;-) May your day go more smoothly from here, Jean.
Jean, you make an excellent point about not covering up. No sense in trying to plaster over the signals we give ourselves of pain that needs attention! I think of it more as trying to shift my attitude such that I'm looking for opportunities for joy and cheer, rather than the opposite to which I'm rather prone. And sometimes I'm in such a rut that I have to "fake it til I make it". I can relate to Mary's statement, this kind of habitual thinking is just as much of an illusion for me as the "everything is always wonderful" variety ... Thank you, Mary, for articulating that.
Oh dear. Are we supposed to not swear and throw our mouses? I'm sure I don't remember signing on for that!
What a life, eh? And this is one of the good ones.
Sitting five minutes in the morning these days, and then twenty later on, if I get to it, which I usually do. Which is good because I need it these days. Love to you all. I draw a lot of sustenance from you, even when I'm not commenting. Maybe I should say, especially when I'm not commenting :-)
xoxo
For me there are times when I can just turn to cheerfulness, and it opens up in front of me -- when the gloom or anger turns out just to a mask of habit, and I can just take it off, if I think to do so.
Other times not, and pushing it then does more harm than good. But I think it's a really good idea to give the mask a little tug from time to time and see if it's ripe to come off.
Wow. So many powerful things to read. Wishing I could respond intelligently but frankly my brain is mush.
I've had a strange 36 hours. Felt unwell, thought it might pass, it didn't, eventually admitted I was out of my depth and showed up in A&E (ER to you over the water) and was brilliantly and swiftly dealt with by a lot of very lovely doctors, nurses, radiologists and eventually a surgeon. All rather surreal ... and not just because of the morphine & sedatives!
Wandered out of hospital late this afternoon feeling better than I have in months. And that strange elation that comes from going through something horrible and coping ok.
I have concentrated on more individual breaths in the last 24 hours than in the whole of my life previously I think! It was a huge help that it felt like a familiar behaviour, a touchstone, rather than the foreign experience that it was a few months ago. And anytime I think of breath I think of meditating, and anytime I think of meditating I think of this place - so thanks for being there with me through last night!
It's weird dealing with this stuff in such isolation too. Without my partner or helpful neighbours ... though my housemate did take care of my dog, her nurturing skills are more suited to cats than humans. But it's kind of thrilling to get through it on my own ... to have answered one of the "how will I cope if ... " questions that have bounced around since my partner left.
It feels odd to post this. I have been schooled in "play it down" when it comes to illness and injury. Which probably did me no favours yesterday when I clearly should have been in hospital several hours before I was. Stuff to wrestle with ... more of that balance we search for ...
Stray! Goodness! I am grateful that you got yourself taken care of, grateful to know that you are on the mend. Very sorry you had to go through what sounds, from this end, excruciating and frightening. Oh, this business of "playing it down" is so difficult for so many of us... wanting to seem, and feel, like we're managing just fine thank you very much, when we may not be. I'm glad you can savor the aspect of having handled it on your own... even more glad that you said something here. Hugs to you, adorable Stray, and loving wishes for speedy and thorough healing.
Very little to add to what MB just said, Stray, but I hope you are resting and continuing to feel better. This sounds like it was pretty scary. I'm very glad you're OK, and that you were helped by breathing. It's helped me in similar situations too, but I'd still rather not have the situation at all!
10 Comments:
Oh dear, I'm so tired I typed seventy-three as my blogger username and then swore and threw the mouse when it wouldn't give me access - very meditative :-)
I absolutely agree about cheerfulness practice, kindness practice, how the physical act of smiling does actually release endorphins and make you feel better. But I think there's sometimes a fine line between this and repression/moralism. Most of us need some opportunity to express distress as well. I guess it's not about the cheerfulness practice replacing that, is it? But trying to replace the habitual sighing irritation, the negativity that DOESN'T explicitly relate to the causes of stress and strain.
Jean: Swearing can be very cathartic at times IMO! Wishing you a peaceful day ...
It was good to read yesterday's comments, and particularly good to see the serenity prayer quoted. Thank you Beth.
The cheerfulness/kindness practice: I too think it is very helpful for starting to tackle the habitual, unthinking negativity that I for one can be very prone to at times.
I do have a naturally pessimistic slant on things - a bit Eeyorish - and this kind of habitual thinking is just as much of an illusion for me as the "everything is always wonderful" variety. So consciously being aware of this and looking at the other, more cheerful, side is probably no bad thing.
I'm not of course talking about repressing real distress, genuine feelings. As Jean says, just the habitual unthinking negativity.
It always comes back to seeing things as they actually are.
Clarity.
Mary, 'Eeyorish' makes me giggle helplessly, in sympathy with you, at my own Eeyorishness, and because anyone less evocative of Eeyore (Mary is a willowy, elegant person)...
Yes, that's what I meant, Jean - not repressing reality, or failing to deal with it. I just want to try to deal with it from a neutral position as much as I can. Lorianne's really helpful (to me) message yesterday about how we "always have the breath to return to" is a reminder of that - and an image of ourselves sitting in meditative posture - that really forms the center of the balance, doesn't it?
On the other hand, having this place to SAY what's going on in our lives and complain or cry or despair -- and receive hugs and support and empathy - is really important to me too. Like Mary, I just want to try to understand and slowly change the unhelpful habits I identify in myself, which is what I think we're all trying to do. It really helps me to name something and then hear that others struggle with similar things. Buddha/Dharma/Sangha - clearly we need them all, whatever tradition we're coming from!
I always thought seventy-three was a good number, but context is everything! ;-) May your day go more smoothly from here, Jean.
Jean, you make an excellent point about not covering up. No sense in trying to plaster over the signals we give ourselves of pain that needs attention! I think of it more as trying to shift my attitude such that I'm looking for opportunities for joy and cheer, rather than the opposite to which I'm rather prone. And sometimes I'm in such a rut that I have to "fake it til I make it". I can relate to Mary's statement, this kind of habitual thinking is just as much of an illusion for me as the "everything is always wonderful" variety ... Thank you, Mary, for articulating that.
Oh dear. Are we supposed to not swear and throw our mouses? I'm sure I don't remember signing on for that!
What a life, eh? And this is one of the good ones.
Sitting five minutes in the morning these days, and then twenty later on, if I get to it, which I usually do. Which is good because I need it these days. Love to you all. I draw a lot of sustenance from you, even when I'm not commenting. Maybe I should say, especially when I'm not commenting :-)
xoxo
For me there are times when I can just turn to cheerfulness, and it opens up in front of me -- when the gloom or anger turns out just to a mask of habit, and I can just take it off, if I think to do so.
Other times not, and pushing it then does more harm than good. But I think it's a really good idea to give the mask a little tug from time to time and see if it's ripe to come off.
Wow. So many powerful things to read. Wishing I could respond intelligently but frankly my brain is mush.
I've had a strange 36 hours. Felt unwell, thought it might pass, it didn't, eventually admitted I was out of my depth and showed up in A&E (ER to you over the water) and was brilliantly and swiftly dealt with by a lot of very lovely doctors, nurses, radiologists and eventually a surgeon. All rather surreal ... and not just because of the morphine & sedatives!
Wandered out of hospital late this afternoon feeling better than I have in months. And that strange elation that comes from going through something horrible and coping ok.
I have concentrated on more individual breaths in the last 24 hours than in the whole of my life previously I think! It was a huge help that it felt like a familiar behaviour, a touchstone, rather than the foreign experience that it was a few months ago. And anytime I think of breath I think of meditating, and anytime I think of meditating I think of this place - so thanks for being there with me through last night!
It's weird dealing with this stuff in such isolation too. Without my partner or helpful neighbours ... though my housemate did take care of my dog, her nurturing skills are more suited to cats than humans. But it's kind of thrilling to get through it on my own ... to have answered one of the "how will I cope if ... " questions that have bounced around since my partner left.
It feels odd to post this. I have been schooled in "play it down" when it comes to illness and injury. Which probably did me no favours yesterday when I clearly should have been in hospital several hours before I was. Stuff to wrestle with ... more of that balance we search for ...
Stray! Goodness! I am grateful that you got yourself taken care of, grateful to know that you are on the mend. Very sorry you had to go through what sounds, from this end, excruciating and frightening. Oh, this business of "playing it down" is so difficult for so many of us... wanting to seem, and feel, like we're managing just fine thank you very much, when we may not be. I'm glad you can savor the aspect of having handled it on your own... even more glad that you said something here. Hugs to you, adorable Stray, and loving wishes for speedy and thorough healing.
Very little to add to what MB just said, Stray, but I hope you are resting and continuing to feel better. This sounds like it was pretty scary. I'm very glad you're OK, and that you were helped by breathing. It's helped me in similar situations too, but I'd still rather not have the situation at all!
{{{Stray}}}
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