I did see your blog and wonder what was aching so badly ... ouch.
Yes, all that rest / routine stuff is vital, but I wish you luck with it ... It's five months now since my other half (it truly felt like that) left, and my monkey-brain is still clattering away most of the time! I think I was dropping off just as Mary was posting this ...
((((LOrraine)))), bravo for sitting with that. Phew.
Interesting stuff around. Beth every word of your comment a couple of days ago rings true for me. I meditate essentially because I struggle with all those things. I am having a really difficult time in the orchestra at the moment, not knowing when to stand up for myself and be a problem or when to just 'let it go' which means paying for the administrations cock ups. Literally. I do have faith that meditation can take me to that place. And I notice that J is often much more supportive when I talk to him after I have sat. Maybe it's that I'm more honest and more real. Less manipulative, controlling and defensive...?
Lorianne, thinking of you very much and sending lots of love ro your anxious monkey mind, whilst enormously appreciating the generosity and wisdom of that same mind that shared the blue flower with us yesterday.
Mary, calmness to you too in these heady days. Moving is very stressful. I know.
What I need, I think, after this very up-and-down year of illness, book completion and publication, Mom's death, and moving to a whole new country/small town to city (did anybody say "that's insane?")is rest and a good long time when things feel fairly stable and steady - and I'm just not going to get that for a while. So I'm trying to a) accept that and b) develop a greater awareness of defensive reactions in my body and just breathe them out. I'm also trying to emulate a wonderful older friend who told me she had always "cultivated a habit of cheerfulness" - it was part of her daily spiritual practice. I want to be cheerful and positive - I'm naturally that way - but stress and fatigue make it very difficult at times. I do think there is something to trying to do it intentionally, turning away from worry and negativity and simply deciding to be smiling and positive. It sounds stupid when I say it, but I think there is an actual effect. Some of it goes back to the old serenity prayer: working on changing what can be changed, letting go and not worrying about things that can't be changed - and knowing the difference. Ruth, it sounds like you and I are both going to be working on the "letting go" part. Bon courage - je vais vous rencontrer en coussin!
Doesn't sound stupid to me, Jean. Sounds very sensible. I'm told that smiling, the physical act of smiling, of using those muscles, has an effect on the brain, the emotions.... etc.
Oops, I posted before I was done. I was going to add, this is very difficult for me to remember in the throes of negative emotion, so I appreciate the way your comment reminded me. Here's to good cheer for us all.
Thanks, everyone, for the hugs & healing vibes: teaching is keeping me busy, which is good, and I'm feeling less emotionally drained, as if things are starting to settle into a place closer to contentment.
Today at noontime I led my meditation group at school, then tonight I had a wonderfully rigorous yoga class with a very restful final relaxation. This class is a combination of yoga & pilates that emphasizes muscular/abdominal strength in addition to flexibility, so it's the first yoga class I've ever taken which consistently makes me sweat. It felt good to have a good physical workout, focusing on the breath to guide me through the tougher poses. Now I "simply" have to remember to let that same breath guide me through emotional tough spots, too.
Beth, I personally am in awe of all the tumultuous changes you've been through--and continue to face!--this past year. When I finished my diss and then divorced a couple months later, I often found refuge in my breath: the proverbial "still point of the turning world." I knew I couldn't stop the big changes that were spinning around me, but it was heartening to know that all I had to do was stop running for a moment & my breath would be there. It wasn't a matter of meditating for long periods; instead, it was a matter of frequently returning to the old reliability of my own breath, even if I returned only briefly.
I love this idea of cultivating a "habit of cheerfulness." The other night I had the idea to start a gratitude journal, writing down before bedtime a handful of things I feel happy about. I put the journal in my nightstand, so I'm hoping to start a habit of stopping to be grateful before going to sleep: a good way to seed one's own dreams?
Lorianne, I often do a little gratitude "review" as I fall asleep. It is a wonderful way to close the day, relax, savor the good stuff, and prepare for sleep. I do it just in my head, so sometimes I'm asleep before I'm done.
Thank you for your description of finding refuge in your breath.
10 Comments:
[[[[Lorianne]]]]
oh, huge hugs lorianne.
I did see your blog and wonder what was aching so badly ... ouch.
Yes, all that rest / routine stuff is vital, but I wish you luck with it ... It's five months now since my other half (it truly felt like that) left, and my monkey-brain is still clattering away most of the time! I think I was dropping off just as Mary was posting this ...
I'll be thinking of you today.
Sx
((((LOrraine)))), bravo for sitting with that. Phew.
Interesting stuff around. Beth every word of your comment a couple of days ago rings true for me. I meditate essentially because I struggle with all those things. I am having a really difficult time in the orchestra at the moment, not knowing when to stand up for myself and be a problem or when to just 'let it go' which means paying for the administrations cock ups. Literally. I do have faith that meditation can take me to that place. And I notice that J is often much more supportive when I talk to him after I have sat. Maybe it's that I'm more honest and more real. Less manipulative, controlling and defensive...?
Lorianne, thinking of you very much and sending lots of love ro your anxious monkey mind, whilst enormously appreciating the generosity and wisdom of that same mind that shared the blue flower with us yesterday.
Love to each of you.
Ruth, thank you for saying all that.
Lorianne, you know I'm thinking of you!
Mary, calmness to you too in these heady days. Moving is very stressful. I know.
What I need, I think, after this very up-and-down year of illness, book completion and publication, Mom's death, and moving to a whole new country/small town to city (did anybody say "that's insane?")is rest and a good long time when things feel fairly stable and steady - and I'm just not going to get that for a while. So I'm trying to a) accept that and b) develop a greater awareness of defensive reactions in my body and just breathe them out. I'm also trying to emulate a wonderful older friend who told me she had always "cultivated a habit of cheerfulness" - it was part of her daily spiritual practice. I want to be cheerful and positive - I'm naturally that way - but stress and fatigue make it very difficult at times. I do think there is something to trying to do it intentionally, turning away from worry and negativity and simply deciding to be smiling and positive. It sounds stupid when I say it, but I think there is an actual effect. Some of it goes back to the old serenity prayer: working on changing what can be changed, letting go and not worrying about things that can't be changed - and knowing the difference. Ruth, it sounds like you and I are both going to be working on the "letting go" part. Bon courage - je vais vous rencontrer en coussin!
Doesn't sound stupid to me, Jean. Sounds very sensible. I'm told that smiling, the physical act of smiling, of using those muscles, has an effect on the brain, the emotions.... etc.
Oops, I posted before I was done. I was going to add, this is very difficult for me to remember in the throes of negative emotion, so I appreciate the way your comment reminded me. Here's to good cheer for us all.
Thanks, everyone, for the hugs & healing vibes: teaching is keeping me busy, which is good, and I'm feeling less emotionally drained, as if things are starting to settle into a place closer to contentment.
Today at noontime I led my meditation group at school, then tonight I had a wonderfully rigorous yoga class with a very restful final relaxation. This class is a combination of yoga & pilates that emphasizes muscular/abdominal strength in addition to flexibility, so it's the first yoga class I've ever taken which consistently makes me sweat. It felt good to have a good physical workout, focusing on the breath to guide me through the tougher poses. Now I "simply" have to remember to let that same breath guide me through emotional tough spots, too.
Beth, I personally am in awe of all the tumultuous changes you've been through--and continue to face!--this past year. When I finished my diss and then divorced a couple months later, I often found refuge in my breath: the proverbial "still point of the turning world." I knew I couldn't stop the big changes that were spinning around me, but it was heartening to know that all I had to do was stop running for a moment & my breath would be there. It wasn't a matter of meditating for long periods; instead, it was a matter of frequently returning to the old reliability of my own breath, even if I returned only briefly.
I love this idea of cultivating a "habit of cheerfulness." The other night I had the idea to start a gratitude journal, writing down before bedtime a handful of things I feel happy about. I put the journal in my nightstand, so I'm hoping to start a habit of stopping to be grateful before going to sleep: a good way to seed one's own dreams?
Lorianne, I often do a little gratitude "review" as I fall asleep. It is a wonderful way to close the day, relax, savor the good stuff, and prepare for sleep. I do it just in my head, so sometimes I'm asleep before I'm done.
Thank you for your description of finding refuge in your breath.
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