Welcome to Anonymous: it's great to have you join us!
Ruth, I'm sorry to hear about your "self-itis" (my term for a painful swelling of all things "self"). I know I often struggle with some of the emotions you describe, many because I'm a perfection & thus fall into self-loathing whever everything isn't perfect (which it never is). For me, the struggle is to cut myself the same sort of compassionate slack I'd show another person. The Bible says to "love your neighbor as yourself," but for me the challenge is to "love myself as my neighbor."
I don't know if this does/doesn't apply to what you're feeling, but it sounds like you need some serious hugs from those who love you as well some positive affirmations & even forgiveness from yourself. Here's sending all the hugs *I* can muster.
Mary, I'm glad my remarks about anger were helpful. It's nice to think that all those seething hours on my cushion weren't spent in vain!
I've given myself permission to take the weekend's "off" from cushion-practice, but today I felt like sitting when I got up, so I sat for about 10 minutes. Now I have papers to grade, which isn't bad since it's raining with little temptation to do things outside. There could be worse ways to spend a Sunday than grading papers to the sound of raindrops.
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Welcome to Anonymous: it's great to have you join us!
Ruth, I'm sorry to hear about your "self-itis" (my term for a painful swelling of all things "self"). I know I often struggle with some of the emotions you describe, many because I'm a perfection & thus fall into self-loathing whever everything isn't perfect (which it never is). For me, the struggle is to cut myself the same sort of compassionate slack I'd show another person. The Bible says to "love your neighbor as yourself," but for me the challenge is to "love myself as my neighbor."
I don't know if this does/doesn't apply to what you're feeling, but it sounds like you need some serious hugs from those who love you as well some positive affirmations & even forgiveness from yourself. Here's sending all the hugs *I* can muster.
Mary, I'm glad my remarks about anger were helpful. It's nice to think that all those seething hours on my cushion weren't spent in vain!
I've given myself permission to take the weekend's "off" from cushion-practice, but today I felt like sitting when I got up, so I sat for about 10 minutes. Now I have papers to grade, which isn't bad since it's raining with little temptation to do things outside. There could be worse ways to spend a Sunday than grading papers to the sound of raindrops.
I hope everyone's having a good weekend.
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