Yes, Stray, I was evangelical; if my old self had found this group & its members, I'd try to convert you all. ("Have you experienced the joy of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, or are you still on the way?" etc)
I was young, earnest, and thought I'd found answers no one else had found, but needed. But the absolutism of evangelical Christianity quickly stopped making sense for me, and I ultimately arrived at a place very different from it. But had I never been "born again," I wouldn't have developed the daily spiritual practice that ultimately became meditation, so even conversion needn't be renunciation, just a steering from one necessary path to another.
And yes, it takes lots of SELF-compassion not to judge yourself while simultaneously making major life changes. Even now, I think Saint Paul had it right when he noted that even though you might be free to do a certain act, that act might not be desireable. It's not necessarily wrong to stay out all night drinking...but at a certain point, is it healthy or helpful, long term?
But, speaking of staying out all night drinking, I'm bleary-eyed this morning after arriving home at midnight last night after going to see our very own Beth at a book-signing in Concord, NH. Afterward, Beth, her husband, Bishop Gene, his partner, and I went out for dinner and tale-telling, and it was marvelous to spend some "in person" time with Beth even though in retrospect our party probably looked like Married Couples' Night Out, plus me. :-)
So, I'm probaby going to be a sleep-deprived zombie in my classes today, but I'd say it was very, very worth it.
4.30 pm: small break in my office while all my colleagues are still in another meeting. Oh my, the annual week from hell is almost over (week all the new students arrive, and also vast amounts of paper are due). Really tough. It never gets any easier. I get more experienced every year, but also one year older and more reluctant. So grateful for meditation practice. I used to get really impatient with everyone around me in these hyper-stressed, lack-of-sleep work situations and now I take a breath and am so much nicer, and therefore everyone so much nicer to me. it feels good.
Check it out this Saturday ... I sent one from my small corner of this good planet. I'm not a photographer, so this was completely an accident. I liked it a lot and so did Robin
Lorianne / Beth ... please tell me that you recorded the conversation and it will be provided as a podcast within the next few days? No? :)
Urgh. Self-compassion. Not my strong point ... but I really liked what you said about SP ... and it's the freedom that makes the changes possible for me. The freedom to return to the old patterns any time I like. Went to a pub today for lunch with a friend. Really struggled with the devil on my shoulder recommending just one drink. The idea that I could do that tomorrow instead, that I am free to repeat my mistakes, is what gives me a chance of avoiding them.
I loved Mary's stuff on anger today. And hormones. I think those two are between them responsible for most of my daily angst :) It made me wonder about the social construction of public / private territory in our personal landscapes: emotional and physical. Especially women. And I am grateful for the internet for breaking down so many of those old rules and silences. I'm sure it has my male gynecologists really quite unnerved ... lol.
My thought really though was about the connectedness of mind / body. I forget. I separate. I split into it and me. Me and it. Today I am re-joining ... well, trying to.
Stray: Thanks for mentioning the post. Should say though in fairness that I have just taken it down! Sorry!! I may rework it, not happy with it as it stands.
Really chuffed at the outcome of your tussle with the devil. "The idea ...that I am free to repeat my mistakes, is what gives me a chance of avoiding them".
oh beth and lorraine, what fun!!!! i have yet to read your book beth but would very much like to. what is the best way of ordering so YOU get the wotsits????
and lorraine very interesting about the born again thing. I think so much of Julian's spirituality comes from his religious upbringing (LAPSEd catholic) but he has yet to come to terms with it and the baby/bathwater thing. yet again so glad of a)spiritual discipline I have learned from music and b) parents who invited me on my own spritual journey.
where are you brenda?
didn't sit today. In Paris on tour. However, I DID use the playing to bring me back to that place. Lots and lots of anger and tensions and frustrations at work so I just used every note, slowly slowly, and said 'just another note' to myself like i would say ' just another breath'. It really helped. I came to be very present from a place of hurt and anger, in what really matters: Music. Now. Also I consider my work a meditation so why not make it so?
Also talked to the hurling the hair around gal (for those of you who remember) for the first time in months. I know it's pathetically late, but at least it's a step.
I echo Dale wholeheartedly from a couple of days ago. Let's just be here, together?
11 Comments:
Yes, Stray, I was evangelical; if my old self had found this group & its members, I'd try to convert you all. ("Have you experienced the joy of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, or are you still on the way?" etc)
I was young, earnest, and thought I'd found answers no one else had found, but needed. But the absolutism of evangelical Christianity quickly stopped making sense for me, and I ultimately arrived at a place very different from it. But had I never been "born again," I wouldn't have developed the daily spiritual practice that ultimately became meditation, so even conversion needn't be renunciation, just a steering from one necessary path to another.
And yes, it takes lots of SELF-compassion not to judge yourself while simultaneously making major life changes. Even now, I think Saint Paul had it right when he noted that even though you might be free to do a certain act, that act might not be desireable. It's not necessarily wrong to stay out all night drinking...but at a certain point, is it healthy or helpful, long term?
But, speaking of staying out all night drinking, I'm bleary-eyed this morning after arriving home at midnight last night after going to see our very own Beth at a book-signing in Concord, NH. Afterward, Beth, her husband, Bishop Gene, his partner, and I went out for dinner and tale-telling, and it was marvelous to spend some "in person" time with Beth even though in retrospect our party probably looked like Married Couples' Night Out, plus me. :-)
So, I'm probaby going to be a sleep-deprived zombie in my classes today, but I'd say it was very, very worth it.
Lorianne and Beth, how wonderful!
4.30 pm: small break in my office while all my colleagues are still in another meeting. Oh my, the annual week from hell is almost over (week all the new students arrive, and also vast amounts of paper are due). Really tough. It never gets any easier. I get more experienced every year, but also one year older and more reluctant. So grateful for meditation practice. I used to get really impatient with everyone around me in these hyper-stressed, lack-of-sleep work situations and now I take a breath and am so much nicer, and therefore everyone so much nicer to me. it feels good.
Hang in there Jean.
Yes the meditation does make a difference. So glad it is for you.
Love to all.
Robin Andrea and The Dead Pirate have been hosting a Saturday Photos Gallery called Good Planets are Hard to Find.
Dharma Bums
Check it out this Saturday ... I sent one from my small corner of this good planet. I'm not a photographer, so this was completely an accident. I liked it a lot and so did Robin
Lorianne / Beth ... please tell me that you recorded the conversation and it will be provided as a podcast within the next few days? No? :)
Urgh. Self-compassion. Not my strong point ... but I really liked what you said about SP ... and it's the freedom that makes the changes possible for me. The freedom to return to the old patterns any time I like. Went to a pub today for lunch with a friend. Really struggled with the devil on my shoulder recommending just one drink. The idea that I could do that tomorrow instead, that I am free to repeat my mistakes, is what gives me a chance of avoiding them.
I loved Mary's stuff on anger today. And hormones. I think those two are between them responsible for most of my daily angst :) It made me wonder about the social construction of public / private territory in our personal landscapes: emotional and physical. Especially women. And I am grateful for the internet for breaking down so many of those old rules and silences. I'm sure it has my male gynecologists really quite unnerved ... lol.
My thought really though was about the connectedness of mind / body. I forget. I separate. I split into it and me. Me and it. Today I am re-joining ... well, trying to.
Hope you stayed awake in class L,
love to all
Sx
Oh and Jean - well done!
Stray: Thanks for mentioning the post. Should say though in fairness that I have just taken it down! Sorry!! I may rework it, not happy with it as it stands.
Really chuffed at the outcome of your tussle with the devil. "The idea ...that I am free to repeat my mistakes, is what gives me a chance of avoiding them".
Yes!!!
nice one stray.
oh beth and lorraine, what fun!!!! i have yet to read your book beth but would very much like to. what is the best way of ordering so YOU get the wotsits????
and lorraine very interesting about the born again thing. I think so much of Julian's spirituality comes from his religious upbringing (LAPSEd catholic) but he has yet to come to terms with it and the baby/bathwater thing. yet again so glad of a)spiritual discipline I have learned from music and b) parents who invited me on my own spritual journey.
where are you brenda?
didn't sit today. In Paris on tour. However, I DID use the playing to bring me back to that place. Lots and lots of anger and tensions and frustrations at work so I just used every note, slowly slowly, and said 'just another note' to myself like i would say ' just another breath'. It really helped. I came to be very present from a place of hurt and anger, in what really matters: Music. Now. Also I consider my work a meditation so why not make it so?
Also talked to the hurling the hair around gal (for those of you who remember) for the first time in months. I know it's pathetically late, but at least it's a step.
I echo Dale wholeheartedly from a couple of days ago. Let's just be here, together?
oh and gail's ex husband pulled through the op. Blimey.
Lorianne and Beth, wonderful!
Jean and Janice, each in your own ways, yay!
that I am free to repeat my mistakes, is what gives me a chance of avoiding them.
Stray, that strikes me as a brilliant way of putting it. Thank you.
Glad to hear Gail's ex pulled through. Don't know her but have admired her blog for ages.
Ruth, meditating via notes makes sense to me. I've sung that way, which becomes a very physical and breath-oriented experience anyway.
I've been looking for Brenda, too. ??
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