[[[Stray]]]. Hope you are feeling well (or at least better) and rested by now. How very scary. So glad though that the medical staff looked after you well.
You reminded me of something. I had to have an endoscopy at the end of last year (false alarm) and elected to do without the sedation. The nurse holding my hand told me to concentrate on my breathing as the tube went down. I did. It does work.
Lorianne's wise words re resting on the breath have much meaning for me now. Snags with the flat selling have popped up already. Don't know if they are major or not. Nothing I can do but,well, breathe. Have a very full weekend ahead plus some work next week so won't have time to brood ....
I too definitely need to sit at the moment. So pleased to be doing it.
Stray, thinking of you lots and hoping you are okay - lots of love.
Off for a weekend away with 40 students... sheesh, not my cup of tea really. I would have dropped out due to exhaustion and stress, but my colleague is on crutches after a knee operation last week, so I couldn't exactly leave her to organise it alone! But it's in a pretty place and there should be time to sit and meditate and appreciate a backdrop of total quiet a mile or so from the nearest public road.
Thank you all for kind words and cyber-cuddles. Most appreciated!
Mary - I can't imagine having an endoscopy without sedation. Wow. I think that would feature in my nightmares ...
I elected to have my op done now in the emergency room with plenty of morphine rather than wait and have a general. The doctors were strongly indicating that they wanted to do it quickly, but did get my informed consent ... and I did feel I could have said "knock me out!" if I'd really wanted them to. They were very reassuring, I am grateful that they had such good interpersonal skills ... weirdly I think if I hadn't felt that they liked me I might have been more worried! Is that very telling? Even in the midst of a medical emergency and extortionate pain I was still concerned with whether the people treating me thought I was nice?? lol.
It was actually quite a positive experience in terms of learning a great deal about myself and my ability to cope. I also feel more inclined to listen to my body - I knew weeks ago that something was wrong but let two doctors tell me it wasn't even though they didn't examine me. Learning that my own experience is the most valid one in these situations is a huge lesson. And that there are no points awarded for being "brave" when you have more than a scab on your knee ... :) I think I may have the values system of a seven year old tom-boy!
Mary - good luck with all that house stuff ... I can't imagine the emotional and psychological rollercoaster ride at the moment. I have glimpsed it myself but never been strapped into your seat. Perhaps it's one of those experiences where screaming is, as was said yesterday, purposeful?
Jean - wow, wishing you all the energy you need to get through that. I hope it's as peaceful as can be ...
Beth, MB, Dale, thanks for encouraging and caring words. It is a bizarrely real feeling of support ... given the virtualness of it all.
Belated hugs to Stray: wow, simply reading about the ordeal gives me the heebie-jeebies. I hope now you can settle into rest & recovery mode.
Mary, I'm sorry to hear about the house complications. Years ago when I was a homeowner-to-be, someone told me that complications ALWAYS arise before a home/loan closing; in fact, such troubles always seem to arise right before the closing, causing everyone to panic at the thought of the deal not going down.
But, truthfully, nobody gets paid if the deal doesn't happen, so real estate agents are very good at kicking into high-gear/crisis mode when push comes to shove. There's probably not much you can do but wait and watch, making the necessary calls & such but otherwise letting the professionals get their act together. And in the meantime, as you say, you can breathe: that is one thing that's always with you.
Jean, I hope you get more than a few moments of peaceful rest amongt those 40 students. If nothing else, you're racking up Good Karma Points for helping your colleague!
I haven't sat on my cushion since Wednesday, but I did take several "mindfulness breaks" throughout the day yesterday. Today I'm off to have some serious bonding time with a good friend, something I've been looking forward to all week: good conversation & comfort food. I'll practice driving meditation on the way there & back, and you'll all be in my heart.
Stray, that sounds really traumatic and frightening. Of course you felt better feeling warmth from the people treating you - I don't think that is odd at all. I should think they thought you were really brave!
So much love to all of you. Why is life like this - always a bit more than we feel we can manage? (rhetorical question). Keep breathing, everyone, and I will too.
Mary good luck with the move both inner and outer.
((((((Stray)))))) ouch. bravo for using your breath to keep the hysteria at bay. You inspire me. I am terrified of illness.
Lorraine, your beautiful turn of phrase - giving the mask a little tug' will stay with me. I also find I can be habitually negative or positive, rather than just BE. Often I find myself reacting to what the other person is and providing the opposite energy in an attempt to balance out the universe...
Just sat and felt the pressure of having to be cheerful fall away. For me on tour the pressure is immense as one's hirability has nothing to do with musicianship but rather how much FUN you are to be in tour with much of the time. Someone said to me last week about a solo job: "I asked you because you are so adorable". Cheerfulness can be very very hard work. Ideally (humph)I like to think of being in as neutral state as possible and allowing myself to touch the shores of and sometimes plunge into other states, but always maintaining the choice to come back. On tour this is near impossible and it exhausts me so profoundly.
ps is anyone else having trouble with word verification? sometimes I have to go through it four times...
6 Comments:
[[[Stray]]]. Hope you are feeling well (or at least better) and rested by now. How very scary. So glad though that the medical staff looked after you well.
You reminded me of something. I had to have an endoscopy at the end of last year (false alarm) and elected to do without the sedation. The nurse holding my hand told me to concentrate on my breathing as the tube went down. I did. It does work.
Lorianne's wise words re resting on the breath have much meaning for me now. Snags with the flat selling have popped up already. Don't know if they are major or not. Nothing I can do but,well, breathe. Have a very full weekend ahead plus some work next week so won't have time to brood ....
I too definitely need to sit at the moment. So pleased to be doing it.
Stray, thinking of you lots and hoping you are okay - lots of love.
Off for a weekend away with 40 students... sheesh, not my cup of tea really. I would have dropped out due to exhaustion and stress, but my colleague is on crutches after a knee operation last week, so I couldn't exactly leave her to organise it alone! But it's in a pretty place and there should be time to sit and meditate and appreciate a backdrop of total quiet a mile or so from the nearest public road.
Thank you all for kind words and cyber-cuddles. Most appreciated!
Mary - I can't imagine having an endoscopy without sedation. Wow. I think that would feature in my nightmares ...
I elected to have my op done now in the emergency room with plenty of morphine rather than wait and have a general. The doctors were strongly indicating that they wanted to do it quickly, but did get my informed consent ... and I did feel I could have said "knock me out!" if I'd really wanted them to. They were very reassuring, I am grateful that they had such good interpersonal skills ... weirdly I think if I hadn't felt that they liked me I might have been more worried! Is that very telling? Even in the midst of a medical emergency and extortionate pain I was still concerned with whether the people treating me thought I was nice?? lol.
It was actually quite a positive experience in terms of learning a great deal about myself and my ability to cope. I also feel more inclined to listen to my body - I knew weeks ago that something was wrong but let two doctors tell me it wasn't even though they didn't examine me. Learning that my own experience is the most valid one in these situations is a huge lesson. And that there are no points awarded for being "brave" when you have more than a scab on your knee ... :) I think I may have the values system of a seven year old tom-boy!
Mary - good luck with all that house stuff ... I can't imagine the emotional and psychological rollercoaster ride at the moment. I have glimpsed it myself but never been strapped into your seat. Perhaps it's one of those experiences where screaming is, as was said yesterday, purposeful?
Jean - wow, wishing you all the energy you need to get through that. I hope it's as peaceful as can be ...
Beth, MB, Dale, thanks for encouraging and caring words. It is a bizarrely real feeling of support ... given the virtualness of it all.
Love to all, hugs too
Sx
Belated hugs to Stray: wow, simply reading about the ordeal gives me the heebie-jeebies. I hope now you can settle into rest & recovery mode.
Mary, I'm sorry to hear about the house complications. Years ago when I was a homeowner-to-be, someone told me that complications ALWAYS arise before a home/loan closing; in fact, such troubles always seem to arise right before the closing, causing everyone to panic at the thought of the deal not going down.
But, truthfully, nobody gets paid if the deal doesn't happen, so real estate agents are very good at kicking into high-gear/crisis mode when push comes to shove. There's probably not much you can do but wait and watch, making the necessary calls & such but otherwise letting the professionals get their act together. And in the meantime, as you say, you can breathe: that is one thing that's always with you.
Jean, I hope you get more than a few moments of peaceful rest amongt those 40 students. If nothing else, you're racking up Good Karma Points for helping your colleague!
I haven't sat on my cushion since Wednesday, but I did take several "mindfulness breaks" throughout the day yesterday. Today I'm off to have some serious bonding time with a good friend, something I've been looking forward to all week: good conversation & comfort food. I'll practice driving meditation on the way there & back, and you'll all be in my heart.
Stray, that sounds really traumatic and frightening. Of course you felt better feeling warmth from the people treating you - I don't think that is odd at all. I should think they thought you were really brave!
So much love to all of you. Why is life like this - always a bit more than we feel we can manage? (rhetorical question). Keep breathing, everyone, and I will too.
Mary good luck with the move both inner and outer.
((((((Stray)))))) ouch. bravo for using your breath to keep the hysteria at bay. You inspire me. I am terrified of illness.
Lorraine, your beautiful turn of phrase - giving the mask a little tug' will stay with me. I also find I can be habitually negative or positive, rather than just BE. Often I find myself reacting to what the other person is and providing the opposite energy in an attempt to balance out the universe...
Just sat and felt the pressure of having to be cheerful fall away. For me on tour the pressure is immense as one's hirability has nothing to do with musicianship but rather how much FUN you are to be in tour with much of the time. Someone said to me last week about a solo job: "I asked you because you are so adorable". Cheerfulness can be very very hard work. Ideally (humph)I like to think of being in as neutral state as possible and allowing myself to touch the shores of and sometimes plunge into other states, but always maintaining the choice to come back. On tour this is near impossible and it exhausts me so profoundly.
ps is anyone else having trouble with word verification? sometimes I have to go through it four times...
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