Feeling completely scattered and unable to concentrate on work or anything this morning, despite having meditated first thing. All those hours of meditation - I can sit for ages with reasonable focus, usually - but it's much harder to focus, to be present with, a daily round which is not congenial. At least, I guess, the practice makes me more aware of what's going on. And more aware that every moment is a new one, and a new chance to be more present. Having 'wasted' the morning so far doesn't mean anything about the next moment, the rest of the day. So, right then, deep breath, here is the next moment...
Jean, thank you for your kindness on the passing of my ex-mother-in-law.
What you say here reminds me how much we are perhaps like weather... some days, highly focused light beams; other days, wind-swept clouds.
I can't believe you 'waste' a single second. But the next moment, yes, it all comes together, another chance to be fully present in the ways that are most satisfying - without feeling torn at the edges. Though, you understand, from my vantage, you are perfect as you are... :)
It's Victoria Day here, a national holiday. I've had a very quiet weekend, writing and reading, but didn't sleep long last night. I wonder if I'll spend the morning in meditation as I hope? It's been awhile since I've done a 2.5 hour meditation in one sitting (some days recently I've done that much over the course of an entire day and evening), and I miss it.
Managed to get a really tedious job done after checking in here earlier. Doing it is so much less unpleasant than feeling guilty and miserable about not doing it - grr, so stupid, so hard. But very grateful to have a resource to call on; to be able to remember and summon it even occasionally feels like something. And impportant to direct the 'grr' at my mind's silly habits, not at the whole of 'me', whatever that is.
Wishing you all, as appropriate, sleep, relaxation, focus, peace.
Talking of sleep, I was flicking through a book at the buddhist centre on dream yoga, cultivating better sleep habits, lucid dreams etc. I think it's part of Dhogzhen? Does any of you know anything about this? I usually think this stuff is just so way above me... but it got me thinking this time. Almost every dream I wake up remembering is the same old, same old rerunning of episodes of rejection, failure, anxiety. On the one hand, we know that not dreaming has a very bad effect on people, that playing this negative stuff out in dreams seems to be necessary and some kind of exorcism. But also I sometimes think it can't be a good thing experiencing all this misery for a large part of every night. So cultivating something more positive during sleep might perhaps be not so esoteric, but a really good idea. Just a thought.
Sigh. I remained upright and awake for the first hour, lay on my back (chakras aligned, nudge, nudge, wink) and fell asleep for an hour (surprise, surprise), woke, still silently chanting and went on to finish the last half hour. Do I try again later, if interest and time permit? I feel extraordinarily refreshed, of course.
Lucid Dreaming - I don't know much about it. I've read some books, both the Dhogzhen & Wiccan traditions, which were most interesting. I was heavily into recording dreams when younger, journals full of them. Actually directing the course of a dream, no, I haven't managed that except in nightmares of attack, when I learnt to firmly stay my ground and refuse to feel fear- those dreams stopped years ago though.
Have you tried writing some of these dreams out - not as straight narrative, but creatively, as in poetic construction?
Devon - good to hear from you! It sounds most difficult... human shield, family illness... strength and forebearance and wisdom to you! Prayers that the situation may resolve soon!
5 Comments:
Feeling completely scattered and unable to concentrate on work or anything this morning, despite having meditated first thing. All those hours of meditation - I can sit for ages with reasonable focus, usually - but it's much harder to focus, to be present with, a daily round which is not congenial. At least, I guess, the practice makes me more aware of what's going on. And more aware that every moment is a new one, and a new chance to be more present. Having 'wasted' the morning so far doesn't mean anything about the next moment, the rest of the day. So, right then, deep breath, here is the next moment...
:-) that's why we practice. Real life is just too damn hard, most of the time. If we could do it day to day, why would we need to sit?
Thank you. I need to be reminded over and over and over that the next moment is a new one.
And now I'm going to get some sleep :-)
Love to you all --
Jean, thank you for your kindness on the passing of my ex-mother-in-law.
What you say here reminds me how much we are perhaps like weather... some days, highly focused light beams; other days, wind-swept clouds.
I can't believe you 'waste' a single second. But the next moment, yes, it all comes together, another chance to be fully present in the ways that are most satisfying - without feeling torn at the edges. Though, you understand, from my vantage, you are perfect as you are... :)
It's Victoria Day here, a national holiday. I've had a very quiet weekend, writing and reading, but didn't sleep long last night. I wonder if I'll spend the morning in meditation as I hope? It's been awhile since I've done a 2.5 hour meditation in one sitting (some days recently I've done that much over the course of an entire day and evening), and I miss it.
Have a great rest of the day, everyone!
Managed to get a really tedious job done after checking in here earlier. Doing it is so much less unpleasant than feeling guilty and miserable about not doing it - grr, so stupid, so hard. But very grateful to have a resource to call on; to be able to remember and summon it even occasionally feels like something. And impportant to direct the 'grr' at my mind's silly habits, not at the whole of 'me', whatever that is.
Wishing you all, as appropriate, sleep, relaxation, focus, peace.
Talking of sleep, I was flicking through a book at the buddhist centre on dream yoga, cultivating better sleep habits, lucid dreams etc. I think it's part of Dhogzhen? Does any of you know anything about this? I usually think this stuff is just so way above me... but it got me thinking this time. Almost every dream I wake up remembering is the same old, same old rerunning of episodes of rejection, failure, anxiety. On the one hand, we know that not dreaming has a very bad effect on people, that playing this negative stuff out in dreams seems to be necessary and some kind of exorcism. But also I sometimes think it can't be a good thing experiencing all this misery for a large part of every night. So cultivating something more positive during sleep might perhaps be not so esoteric, but a really good idea. Just a thought.
xJean
Sigh. I remained upright and awake for the first hour, lay on my back (chakras aligned, nudge, nudge, wink) and fell asleep for an hour (surprise, surprise), woke, still silently chanting and went on to finish the last half hour. Do I try again later, if interest and time permit? I feel extraordinarily refreshed, of course.
Lucid Dreaming - I don't know much about it. I've read some books, both the Dhogzhen & Wiccan traditions, which were most interesting. I was heavily into recording dreams when younger, journals full of them. Actually directing the course of a dream, no, I haven't managed that except in nightmares of attack, when I learnt to firmly stay my ground and refuse to feel fear- those dreams stopped years ago though.
Have you tried writing some of these dreams out - not as straight narrative, but creatively, as in poetic construction?
Devon - good to hear from you! It sounds most difficult... human shield, family illness... strength and forebearance and wisdom to you! Prayers that the situation may resolve soon!
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