I recently went - sort of against my ex's family's wishes, and Julian's - to see his parents in La Rochelle where I was doing a concert. I needed, above all, to say thank you. We had a wonderful visit and they came to the concert which I know they loved. Three weeks later his father was dead. I am so glad I went.
Devon, one of the big reasons I meditate is to deal with anger, and to learn to act rather than react as you say. I can really appreciate your difficulty. You are doing the only thing possible, I believe. Anger only begets anger, so I admire your courage in trying, breath after breath, to transform it into compassion. I know how hard it is.
Lovely sit yesterday. I had the house to myself for a couple of hours as J went out poppy hunting and I forgot how much I missed that freedom at home (rather than on tour!).
Dale, Jean, MB, and Ruth, thank you so much for your support and wisdom. My daughter seems fine with us going to the hospital and her going in for a visit and to ask if I can also visit. If Granma says no, she won't say I'm there, waiting outside. I don't have anything to say, but would like to hold her hand, or just be there for a bit. Words fail us in the end anyhow; it's what's in the heart that counts.
Brenda, you are so right about words being superfluous at the end. I think she will feel, in soem way, what is in your heart even if there is a closed door between you. I'll be thinking of you.
Devon - the {{{{}}}}s continue!
My mother continues to be up and down, one fairly good day followed by a terrible one. It's very unclear to us when to go, and when to sit tight and try to continue our regular lives, because the decline is so unpredictable - but it is definitely happening. I thought last night after talkign to my father that we should pack up and go immediately; this morning things seem better. I plan to go this coming weekend in any case. Somehow I feel fairly calm, in spite of everything, and I think it is because I DID go, twice, in the past month or so, and we did have very good visits. It's very difficult but there is also a kind of peace that I feel, now that this thing I've dreaded is right here and I'm in the middle of it. Breathing helps.
Beth and Brenda: both my parents are now dead. Reading your comments here has reminded me of the periods leading up to their deaths, each different. It is such a very charged, sorrowful and intense time and yet, as Beth says, there is a kind of peace when the long-dreaded thing happens ... and at some level daily life has to go on as well, and that can feel so strange and unreal.
Meditation (and prayer too in my case)definitely helped. And compassion and understanding for oneself as well dealing with it all... the emotions can be very erratic and unpredictable at these times and I found I needed to cut myself some slack - not easy though.
Devon: continued good thoughts to you. Ruth: that's inspiring story about your ex's parents ..thank you.
6 Comments:
Brenda, Follow your heart.
I recently went - sort of against my ex's family's wishes, and Julian's - to see his parents in La Rochelle where I was doing a concert. I needed, above all, to say thank you. We had a wonderful visit and they came to the concert which I know they loved. Three weeks later his father was dead. I am so glad I went.
Devon, one of the big reasons I meditate is to deal with anger, and to learn to act rather than react as you say. I can really appreciate your difficulty. You are doing the only thing possible, I believe. Anger only begets anger, so I admire your courage in trying, breath after breath, to transform it into compassion. I know how hard it is.
Lovely sit yesterday. I had the house to myself for a couple of hours as J went out poppy hunting and I forgot how much I missed that freedom at home (rather than on tour!).
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dale, Jean, MB, and Ruth, thank you so much for your support and wisdom. My daughter seems fine with us going to the hospital and her going in for a visit and to ask if I can also visit. If Granma says no, she won't say I'm there, waiting outside. I don't have anything to say, but would like to hold her hand, or just be there for a bit. Words fail us in the end anyhow; it's what's in the heart that counts.
Ruth, me too (the anger reason). Anger and fear.
Brenda, you are so right about words being superfluous at the end. I think she will feel, in soem way, what is in your heart even if there is a closed door between you. I'll be thinking of you.
Devon - the {{{{}}}}s continue!
My mother continues to be up and down, one fairly good day followed by a terrible one. It's very unclear to us when to go, and when to sit tight and try to continue our regular lives, because the decline is so unpredictable - but it is definitely happening. I thought last night after talkign to my father that we should pack up and go immediately; this morning things seem better. I plan to go this coming weekend in any case. Somehow I feel fairly calm, in spite of everything, and I think it is because I DID go, twice, in the past month or so, and we did have very good visits. It's very difficult but there is also a kind of peace that I feel, now that this thing I've dreaded is right here and I'm in the middle of it. Breathing helps.
Beth and Brenda: both my parents are now dead. Reading your comments here has reminded me of the periods leading up to their deaths, each different. It is such a very charged, sorrowful and intense time and yet, as Beth says, there is a kind of peace when the long-dreaded thing happens ... and at some level daily life has to go on as well, and that can feel so strange and unreal.
Meditation (and prayer too in my case)definitely helped. And compassion and understanding for oneself as well dealing with it all... the emotions can be very erratic and unpredictable at these times and I found I needed to cut myself some slack - not easy though.
Devon: continued good thoughts to you.
Ruth: that's inspiring story about your ex's parents ..thank you.
devon, i am just sitting here with the word 'other' and thinking of you and thinking - if this isn't about non-eapartion, what is? big hug.
Post a Comment
<< Home