mary - everyone deserves to be heard. here, thankfully, we are all safe and can venture out with our voices.
jean...just caught up with your blog and movements and it sounds very exciting. I'm all for movement. it can never be in the wrong direction if it is moving out from being immobile. the dance will take you forward (and backward and ever forward).
feeling great joy today and you are all part of that/me/it...
Arrived back in Toronto last August, still no full time, or even part-time work. I tutor (Gr scool to post-graduate, & love it), do temp reception (where I am now), sell a drawing or a poster here & there. My daughter and I live very simply. In a basement apartment that I can afford (it's in a good house/great area that's dog friendly), keeping groceries to a minimum, walk mostly everywhere, etc. While we just get by, I haven't been able to pay storage costs on my 3-bedroom/2000 book/dozens of paintings household. I'd given up. What do possessions mean anyway? I assumed they'd auction everything off and that would be that. Until my daughter had a dream that indicated she felt responsible for our moving back too soon, when I didn't have quite enough money, so she could go to school. Anyway, it turns out that my goods are still in storage and I have a shot at negotiating with the company for a reprieve.
I'm hanging in mid-air right now. At a job all next week, making phoning the company in Vancouver difficult (goods are being stored here). I don't know if anything can be worked out or not.
But maybe. Here I was thinking I'd never have to finish that dang thesis because many of the books are out of print and in my collection! Now, oh. I can't let my kids carry guilt for all this. No way. I'll fight for my possessions now. On the basis of a not-as-yet-done tax return that might enable me to negotiate a retroactive payment and future monthly ones.
Part of me is really 'pissed' that I have to pick up my burden of goods and try to keep going, and part of me is relieved to think at least I'll fight for them. I've already paid the company over $5,000., so there's a good chance I'll pull through.
But the stress in my body is unbelievable! Moments of pure panic overtake me. Followed by moments of very Buddhist non-attachment. On the one hand, I don't care if I lose everything or not, I'm an immigrant, my family has been through this before; on the other hand my heart picks up its beat when I think of the difficult phone call and possible negotiations and payments ahead. Ka thump, ka thump.
All too human. Meditation is a rest from it all; welcome relief.
In the end it doesn't matter at all. Only for those I love...
I'm so stressed, however, I'm considering fasting for the next 3 days (I'll be alone), just to purify my mind/body, to reset my compass, rebalance myself. We'll see...
Hello all, back here with you after a sudden few days visiting my parents, where we were all dealing with a health crisis my mother was having. Just before leaving on Monday morning I was able to close my eyes and sit with you all for a few minutes, and it has made me happy now to catch up on everyone's accounts of the 100th day.
Brenda, I'm sending you wishes for strength and whatever non-attachment you may need to cope with losses - but I hope you can find a way to retrieve some or all of your things. You have such a beautiful, bright spirit, so connected to everything that is REALLY lasting and important, that it is impossible to imagine you not finding a way through life's difficulties. But I really hope yours will ease up soon.
Jude, also wanted to add that I hope very much you'll stay with us for the next 100 days, however little or much you are able to sit.
Mary, please don't get discouraged either, your voice is precious and if it needs to take a little break, give it that but please don't stop posting here!
Ruth, your comments about "space" ring so true. I'm a lot less that way than I used to be, when I was carving out rooms and gardens and every little bit of physical terrain I could find, but it's still an issue for me in relationships. Meditation definitely helps me get in touch with the illusions my mind creates!
Original text censored on grounds of being too soppy! Finding your words here is like feeling you breathing next to me. Brenda, Beth, wishing that you feel your strong spirits in difficult times as surely I do all the way over here...
A quiet day here, between three months of very hard work and a break of 10 days over Easter with much to do and looming life decisions, maybe... The transition from work routine to time off is often clunky; starting the day with meditation is good.
5 Comments:
Thanks for the encouragement yesterday. Good to be back. Going to meditate in a minute ....
Dale: (o)
there's a richness to these holiday days.
mary - everyone deserves to be heard. here, thankfully, we are all safe and can venture out with our voices.
jean...just caught up with your blog and movements and it sounds very exciting. I'm all for movement. it can never be in the wrong direction if it is moving out from being immobile. the dance will take you forward (and backward and ever forward).
feeling great joy today and you are all part of that/me/it...
xxx
I'm in one of those difficult places, once again.
Arrived back in Toronto last August, still no full time, or even part-time work. I tutor (Gr scool to post-graduate, & love it), do temp reception (where I am now), sell a drawing or a poster here & there. My daughter and I live very simply. In a basement apartment that I can afford (it's in a good house/great area that's dog friendly), keeping groceries to a minimum, walk mostly everywhere, etc. While we just get by, I haven't been able to pay storage costs on my 3-bedroom/2000 book/dozens of paintings household. I'd given up. What do possessions mean anyway? I assumed they'd auction everything off and that would be that. Until my daughter had a dream that indicated she felt responsible for our moving back too soon, when I didn't have quite enough money, so she could go to school. Anyway, it turns out that my goods are still in storage and I have a shot at negotiating with the company for a reprieve.
I'm hanging in mid-air right now. At a job all next week, making phoning the company in Vancouver difficult (goods are being stored here). I don't know if anything can be worked out or not.
But maybe. Here I was thinking I'd never have to finish that dang thesis because many of the books are out of print and in my collection! Now, oh. I can't let my kids carry guilt for all this. No way. I'll fight for my possessions now. On the basis of a not-as-yet-done tax return that might enable me to negotiate a retroactive payment and future monthly ones.
Part of me is really 'pissed' that I have to pick up my burden of goods and try to keep going, and part of me is relieved to think at least I'll fight for them. I've already paid the company over $5,000., so there's a good chance I'll pull through.
But the stress in my body is unbelievable! Moments of pure panic overtake me. Followed by moments of very Buddhist non-attachment. On the one hand, I don't care if I lose everything or not, I'm an immigrant, my family has been through this before; on the other hand my heart picks up its beat when I think of the difficult phone call and possible negotiations and payments ahead. Ka thump, ka thump.
All too human. Meditation is a rest from it all; welcome relief.
In the end it doesn't matter at all. Only for those I love...
I'm so stressed, however, I'm considering fasting for the next 3 days (I'll be alone), just to purify my mind/body, to reset my compass, rebalance myself. We'll see...
Hello all, back here with you after a sudden few days visiting my parents, where we were all dealing with a health crisis my mother was having. Just before leaving on Monday morning I was able to close my eyes and sit with you all for a few minutes, and it has made me happy now to catch up on everyone's accounts of the 100th day.
Brenda, I'm sending you wishes for strength and whatever non-attachment you may need to cope with losses - but I hope you can find a way to retrieve some or all of your things. You have such a beautiful, bright spirit, so connected to everything that is REALLY lasting and important, that it is impossible to imagine you not finding a way through life's difficulties. But I really hope yours will ease up soon.
Jude, also wanted to add that I hope very much you'll stay with us for the next 100 days, however little or much you are able to sit.
Mary, please don't get discouraged either, your voice is precious and if it needs to take a little break, give it that but please don't stop posting here!
Ruth, your comments about "space" ring so true. I'm a lot less that way than I used to be, when I was carving out rooms and gardens and every little bit of physical terrain I could find, but it's still an issue for me in relationships. Meditation definitely helps me get in touch with the illusions my mind creates!
Original text censored on grounds of being too soppy! Finding your words here is like feeling you breathing next to me. Brenda, Beth, wishing that you feel your strong spirits in difficult times as surely I do all the way over here...
A quiet day here, between three months of very hard work and a break of 10 days over Easter with much to do and looming life decisions, maybe... The transition from work routine to time off is often clunky; starting the day with meditation is good.
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