I started sitting again today again in the vines. beautiful.
have been contemplating this idea of space. The whole house is taken over right now by j's 'business' and till yesterday was SO dusty and messy I couldn't stand it. This is very temporary as it is all in the hope of raising the 21.000 euros we have committed to to finally build the hemp and lime studio and gallery (and then I will have a room of my own! halleluljah!) and my beloved is working flat out. - which leaves me with cleanerly officy duties and no 'place of my own'. It has been a revelation, even if I haven't been meditating every day, to go back to the feeling of inner spaciousness I have found whilst meditating and, in particluar, to this IDEA of self for whic I supposedly 'need' all this 'space'. This week I think I caught a glimpse of how people survive in cramped conditions and still maintain a sense of expansiveness. Not every day, but it is there. the energy which I waste protecting this space around myself is phenomenal, and I only put myself in prison by doing it. Meditation has been the best tool I have ever found to begin to see this, and obviously the consequeces of the prison - physical tension and lack of intimacy to name two - are mammoth. Thank you everyone as many times as there are golden flowers in between the vines here for your support in this journey.
What a timely subject, as I contemplate the possibility of giving up my solitary life to live for some time in a big shared house (it wouldn't be permanent - the first step to building a cohousing community of separate dwellings plus a common house on shared land). This is a hard one, and commensurately worth struggling with, I think. In communities of the Western Buddhist Order people are encouraged to share bedrooms in order to work on being themselves and feeling spacious without needing to be alone or have much physical space - I kind of winced, but also felt admiration, when I heard about that...
Thank you Ruth for this though. I live on my own at the moment and am planning to move where I will still be on my own ...for now it seems to be the right thing to do though but yes, I do protect my space much more than I need to. I agree with Nicole, it's an encouragement to carry on meditating. Jean: how exciting!
Back again. I've had a couple of days feeling very low about my ability to communicate - a dark night of the blog-soul - and contemplating launching a bid to for the title of Chief Warthog on this blog ... didn't feel I even deserved to comment. And I cried during the group sit too and at Dale's posting afterwards. Feeling better now, thankfully. It's amazing the crap that I can get into at times ...
No jumping the queue, Mary; you'll have to wait your turn for the chief warthog position, like everyone else.
xoxoxoxo
Not feeling you deserve to comment is... um, the beast at its most vindictive and irrational. I know, you know, we all know, that you deserve to comment by virtue of being a sentient being. But anyway, that's not really the issue. So I'll just report the experience:
I see the name "mary" in the comment thread and my heart lifts. I think of all the warm thoughtful sensitive intelligent things you've said, your unfailing kindness, your groundedness, your attentiveness, your honesty and clarity and wisdom, and I think how fortunate I am, how fortunate we all are, that you appeared here.
Nope, I'm sorry, I'm just reporting my experience, so you don't get to cavil. I'm not saying I'm right (what would that mean, anyway?) -- I'm just saying that's how I respond.
Hugs to Mary...I'm picturing you as a warthog wearing a tiara, Queen of Warthogs! :-) And welcome back to Jude: what a relief to learn your hearing is mostly back.
Interesting comments on space. Currently, I am utterly spoiled, living by myself in a 2-bedroom apartment that's truly huge for one. Having lived in a Zen Center where I shared a room with my then-husband and a house with 30-some housemates, I appreciate the freedom, solitude, & quiet living on my own offers. But I also realize it allows me to become spoiled & set in my ways... :-)
After too many weeks of being out of town, sick, or too tired, tonight I repaired my commitment to my Wednesday night yoga class. Man, I'm out of shape! And man, it felt great to do the relaxation session after it was all over.
6 Comments:
hello everyone from a very emerald PROVENCE...
I started sitting again today again in the vines. beautiful.
have been contemplating this idea of space. The whole house is taken over right now by j's 'business' and till yesterday was SO dusty and messy I couldn't stand it. This is very temporary as it is all in the hope of raising the 21.000 euros we have committed to to finally build the hemp and lime studio and gallery (and then I will have a room of my own! halleluljah!) and my beloved is working flat out. - which leaves me with cleanerly officy duties and no 'place of my own'. It has been a revelation, even if I haven't been meditating every day, to go back to the feeling of inner spaciousness I have found whilst meditating and, in particluar, to this IDEA of self for whic I supposedly 'need' all this 'space'. This week I think I caught a glimpse of how people survive in cramped conditions and still maintain a sense of expansiveness. Not every day, but it is there. the energy which I waste protecting this space around myself is phenomenal, and I only put myself in prison by doing it. Meditation has been the best tool I have ever found to begin to see this, and obviously the consequeces of the prison - physical tension and lack of intimacy to name two - are mammoth.
Thank you everyone as many times as there are golden flowers in between the vines here for your support in this journey.
What a timely subject, as I contemplate the possibility of giving up my solitary life to live for some time in a big shared house (it wouldn't be permanent - the first step to building a cohousing community of separate dwellings plus a common house on shared land). This is a hard one, and commensurately worth struggling with, I think. In communities of the Western Buddhist Order people are encouraged to share bedrooms in order to work on being themselves and feeling spacious without needing to be alone or have much physical space - I kind of winced, but also felt admiration, when I heard about that...
Thank you Ruth for this though. I live on my own at the moment and am planning to move where I will still be on my own ...for now it seems to be the right thing to do though but yes, I do protect my space much more than I need to. I agree with Nicole, it's an encouragement to carry on meditating.
Jean: how exciting!
Back again. I've had a couple of days feeling very low about my ability to communicate - a dark night of the blog-soul - and contemplating launching a bid to for the title of Chief Warthog on this blog ... didn't feel I even deserved to comment. And I cried during the group sit too and at Dale's posting afterwards. Feeling better now, thankfully. It's amazing the crap that I can get into at times ...
(((Mary))))
No jumping the queue, Mary; you'll have to wait your turn for the chief warthog position, like everyone else.
xoxoxoxo
Not feeling you deserve to comment is... um, the beast at its most vindictive and irrational. I know, you know, we all know, that you deserve to comment by virtue of being a sentient being. But anyway, that's not really the issue. So I'll just report the experience:
I see the name "mary" in the comment thread and my heart lifts. I think of all the warm thoughtful sensitive intelligent things you've said, your unfailing kindness, your groundedness, your attentiveness, your honesty and clarity and wisdom, and I think how fortunate I am, how fortunate we all are, that you appeared here.
Nope, I'm sorry, I'm just reporting my experience, so you don't get to cavil. I'm not saying I'm right (what would that mean, anyway?) -- I'm just saying that's how I respond.
Hey, everyone...
Hugs to Mary...I'm picturing you as a warthog wearing a tiara, Queen of Warthogs! :-) And welcome back to Jude: what a relief to learn your hearing is mostly back.
Interesting comments on space. Currently, I am utterly spoiled, living by myself in a 2-bedroom apartment that's truly huge for one. Having lived in a Zen Center where I shared a room with my then-husband and a house with 30-some housemates, I appreciate the freedom, solitude, & quiet living on my own offers. But I also realize it allows me to become spoiled & set in my ways... :-)
After too many weeks of being out of town, sick, or too tired, tonight I repaired my commitment to my Wednesday night yoga class. Man, I'm out of shape! And man, it felt great to do the relaxation session after it was all over.
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