Thank you all for your beatiful kind thoughts yesterday, for your love, it means much to me.
Granma's funeral was yesterday, and it was beautiful. But I wasn't invited, nor was given the address to make the choice on whether to go or not. I'm not sure what was said or not, my children so fiercely protect me. It hurt hugely to find myself so shut out from a family I once belonged to, and to not be allowed to mourn a woman I spent 15 years being close to. I don't think she would have wanted it that way, and I wonder why family politics wasn't put aside for the occasion. I did, in floods of tears, oh I loaded them down, I did, but I couldn't hide or hold it all in, talk to both my children about how in the end, people's stuff, family politics, should be put aside, that when it comes to life and death, agendas shouldn't matter any more, only the connection should.
I would have sat in the back quietly for the service and left. I wouldn't have stayed for the reception. Almost no-one would even have known I was there.
Instead I had a day of copious tears, struggled with my issues around rejection, and was a general pain to my kids, who had to deal with me, one in person, one by phone.
And I've had long monologues that I like to imagine are dialogues with Granma on it all.
Split families are the saddest of all. Really they are.
Brenda, I'm so sorry. You should not have had to go through this. When my Dad died, his favourite, youngest sister who'd not been on speaking terms with my Mum for years came uninvited to the funeral. My Mum wouldn't speak to her; I did, but coldly. I was 21 and didn't know much of life and didn't understand until I was quite a bit older how wrong this was, and sad and such a waste of love. I'm sorry about it still. And I'm so sorry for you in this. My warmest thoughts.
your story brings back painful memories of my father's death ... many years ago, but it still pops up now and again to pierce my heart
my stepmother had turned him against me, and I'd been cast out of their alcoholic circle of two ... then one day she phoned me at work to tell me he'd died ... the saddest part of this story is that my children adored him
I don't know why I'm telling you this now ... after all these years. Do you?
I'm so sorry too Brenda. In my own personal experience, rejection and being excluded or left out hurt and sting like nothing else can, however much we know logically that it is no reflection on us.
I talk now to both my mother and my father - both dead - more often than you would think. It helps. I've written letters to them both since their passing as well.
In the meantime, lots of love from across the Atlantic. I'll be thinking of you in my meditation and prayer
And by the way, your new photo is just stunning. :-)
Brenda, I'm so sorry. Your writing of this rejection and negative family politics may help someone stop short someday, though, and do the right thing instead of the wrong one. be comforted in the fact that you know that the door of a church is no barrier to love, and your mother-in-law will certainly feel your pure intentions. That's all that matters, really, that you wanted to be there and honored her with your tears and your thoughts. Love to you from me.
7 Comments:
Thank you all for your beatiful kind thoughts yesterday, for your love, it means much to me.
Granma's funeral was yesterday, and it was beautiful. But I wasn't invited, nor was given the address to make the choice on whether to go or not. I'm not sure what was said or not, my children so fiercely protect me. It hurt hugely to find myself so shut out from a family I once belonged to, and to not be allowed to mourn a woman I spent 15 years being close to. I don't think she would have wanted it that way, and I wonder why family politics wasn't put aside for the occasion. I did, in floods of tears, oh I loaded them down, I did, but I couldn't hide or hold it all in, talk to both my children about how in the end, people's stuff, family politics, should be put aside, that when it comes to life and death, agendas shouldn't matter any more, only the connection should.
I would have sat in the back quietly for the service and left. I wouldn't have stayed for the reception. Almost no-one would even have known I was there.
Instead I had a day of copious tears, struggled with my issues around rejection, and was a general pain to my kids, who had to deal with me, one in person, one by phone.
And I've had long monologues that I like to imagine are dialogues with Granma on it all.
Split families are the saddest of all. Really they are.
Thanks for listening...
love you all.
Brenda, I'm so sorry. You should not have had to go through this. When my Dad died, his favourite, youngest sister who'd not been on speaking terms with my Mum for years came uninvited to the funeral. My Mum wouldn't speak to her; I did, but coldly. I was 21 and didn't know much of life and didn't understand until I was quite a bit older how wrong this was, and sad and such a waste of love. I'm sorry about it still. And I'm so sorry for you in this. My warmest thoughts.
{{{Brenda}}}
oh brenda, I'm so sorry
your story brings back painful memories of my father's death ... many years ago, but it still pops up now and again to pierce my heart
my stepmother had turned him against me, and I'd been cast out of their alcoholic circle of two ... then one day she phoned me at work to tell me he'd died ... the saddest part of this story is that my children adored him
I don't know why I'm telling you this now ... after all these years. Do you?
I'm so sorry too Brenda. In my own personal experience, rejection and being excluded or left out hurt and sting like nothing else can, however much we know logically that it is no reflection on us.
I talk now to both my mother and my father - both dead - more often than you would think. It helps. I've written letters to them both since their passing as well.
In the meantime, lots of love from across the Atlantic. I'll be thinking of you in my meditation and prayer
And by the way, your new photo is just stunning. :-)
(((Brenda)))
Brenda, I'm so sorry. Your writing of this rejection and negative family politics may help someone stop short someday, though, and do the right thing instead of the wrong one. be comforted in the fact that you know that the door of a church is no barrier to love, and your mother-in-law will certainly feel your pure intentions. That's all that matters, really, that you wanted to be there and honored her with your tears and your thoughts. Love to you from me.
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