It's evening now and I've just meditated for 20 minutes. I missed my usual morning meditation slot as I had to be out of the house early today but seeing Dale's comment yesterday reminded me that there is no earthly reason for not sitting later in the day. That's how this blog works, and why I like it.
I have noticed a couple of things again recently. How very physical feelings are for me in meditation, and indeed out of it. Tension in the solar plexus, happiness in the heart, grief in the throat area. And there is nothing to be done except "see" these physical feelings and note them. My meditation sessions do not make them go away, but it makes the painful ones less threatening.
Performing my brief ritual of setting up the meditation altar I noticed what a relief the prospect of meditation was and how much I wanted to do it at the same time as I was resisting it. The resistance seems to be as much to the pleasurable, peaceful feelings as it is to the less pleasant ones ...
No answers, just a few musings.
Beth and Dale, thank you for your words yesterday. Indeed, I haven't been far away.
Back in Vermont after a LONG drive through several sudden, tumultuous thunderstorms. Going to a birthday party for a three-year-old friend later this afternoon, which is why we came back earlier than planned. I sat this morning, in bed, and it seems to have started off the day better - I don't like leaving Montreal and am always depressed about it. My house here in Vermont, which I loved for many years, feels abandoned and lonely, and my garden is taken over by weeds. Our main task here is visiting elderly relatives and working on clearing out this house so we can move - a huge job. So I will be sitting and trying to stay focussed on one thing at a time, and not feeling overwhelmed. Mary, it is always a struggle, without answers, I think! Maybe that is the exact point - just DOING and, by extension, just BEING, without expectations. Not easy.
You know, life is a bitch. That's one thing that blogging has brought home to me, just being present with this many lives when people aren't feeling they have to maintain the facades of whatever roles they have to maintain in the "meat-world" -- there's just so much trouble in people's lives, so much pain and difficulty. And these are, by and large "good" lives. Clergy must always have been in touch with the trouble of the world like that. The rest of us, not so much. Only our own trouble and the trouble of those close to us looming for us.
Sending out love to you all, troubled and untroubled (if we have any of those!) alike.
Sat ten minutes last night, twenty tonight. Really happy to be sitting again.
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It's evening now and I've just meditated for 20 minutes. I missed my usual morning meditation slot as I had to be out of the house early today but seeing Dale's comment yesterday reminded me that there is no earthly reason for not sitting later in the day. That's how this blog works, and why I like it.
I have noticed a couple of things again recently. How very physical feelings are for me in meditation, and indeed out of it. Tension in the solar plexus, happiness in the heart, grief in the throat area. And there is nothing to be done except "see" these physical feelings and note them. My meditation sessions do not make them go away, but it makes the painful ones less threatening.
Performing my brief ritual of setting up the meditation altar I noticed what a relief the prospect of meditation was and how much I wanted to do it at the same time as I was resisting it. The resistance seems to be as much to the pleasurable, peaceful feelings as it is to the less pleasant ones ...
No answers, just a few musings.
Beth and Dale, thank you for your words yesterday. Indeed, I haven't been far away.
Brenda: still sending out good thoughts ...
Back in Vermont after a LONG drive through several sudden, tumultuous thunderstorms. Going to a birthday party for a three-year-old friend later this afternoon, which is why we came back earlier than planned. I sat this morning, in bed, and it seems to have started off the day better - I don't like leaving Montreal and am always depressed about it. My house here in Vermont, which I loved for many years, feels abandoned and lonely, and my garden is taken over by weeds. Our main task here is visiting elderly relatives and working on clearing out this house so we can move - a huge job. So I will be sitting and trying to stay focussed on one thing at a time, and not feeling overwhelmed. Mary, it is always a struggle, without answers, I think! Maybe that is the exact point - just DOING and, by extension, just BEING, without expectations. Not easy.
You know, life is a bitch. That's one thing that blogging has brought home to me, just being present with this many lives when people aren't feeling they have to maintain the facades of whatever roles they have to maintain in the "meat-world" -- there's just so much trouble in people's lives, so much pain and difficulty. And these are, by and large "good" lives. Clergy must always have been in touch with the trouble of the world like that. The rest of us, not so much. Only our own trouble and the trouble of those close to us looming for us.
Sending out love to you all, troubled and untroubled (if we have any of those!) alike.
Sat ten minutes last night, twenty
tonight. Really happy to be sitting again.
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