Sat for 20 minutes. I'd appreciate thoughts from you all. I've been struggling, and it's because my attitude about meditation has become negative. I'm feeling like it's hard work and that I'm not very good at it. I know that's not a helpful way to think about it, but I'm having trouble getting out of that mindset. I spend 20 minutes chasing my mind around unsuccessfully trying to corral it, is the way it feels. Argh. As a result, I don't look forward to it.
Hi moose: What has helped me is realising that my perceptions of being good and being bad at anything, which may or may not work in the rest of my life, are worthless in meditation. If I am sitting there doing it, and bringing the mind back when it wanders off, then I'm good at it.
It is hard for me to sit anywhere without stimulus in non-meditation activities for more than 5 minutes (apart maybe watching TV, in the movies or surfing the net), so I am learning to be charitable with myself and give myself full credit for the willingness to sit.
What does help, in a funny way, is to experience the sitting as a sensual (non)activity, the feeling of air passing through my nostrils, the rise and fall of my chest while I breathe. The quality of the silence, and the smell of the incense. I can really get into all that, and have learned to look forward to it, however jumpy and nervous my mind may be on the side.
I don't know if any of this makes sense but I really value your input here and your honesty in raising this.
And yes, I sat this morning but only for 5 minutes. I want to commit here to doing my sitting within the first 30 mins of getting out of bed. Once I start surfing the net or making phone calls, as I did this morning, the quality of my meditation time is diminished. better than nothing at all I know, but I can do better.
Sleepless night, last night, with the full moon pouring through the skylight. Finally sat down at 2:30 & meditated twenty minutes, and then got a few hours' sleep.
Moose, you should demand some joy from your practice. It is hard and discouraging work, and if you don't find some compensatory joy in it you won't keep doing it, not in the long run.
Here's some of my sources of joy:
There is the simple (and largely "unspiritual") joy in the silver of the offering bowls, the light candle flame gleaming on the silver threads of the shrine-cloth, the picture of my teacher (on whom I have crushes both spiritual and decidedly un), the maplewood of the dresser beneath it. I love dusting the shrine, and I love bowing to it three times. I love the prayers I say to start with, affirming the aspiration to benefit all beings. If you don't have a shrine, it's one thing to consider -- you can make a little space that's beautiful and dedicated to relieving all suffering and bringing happiness to everyone. Put anything there that inspires you with reverence or gratitude to anyone for anything.
There is the scientist's joy in just taking your mind apart and seeing how it works. Watching it sidle around back to the comfort of its old habits of discursive repetition can be amusing, rather than discouraging. I have burst out laughing, at times, getting to see just how stubbornly it resists settling. And it's fascinating to me, as well as comical. I mean, this is my life. This is what I actually do all day -- and I never knew!
There's the joy of the community. All over the world, every minute of everyday, people are sitting down to meditate and cultivating loving-kindness and compassion. In my prayers when I first sit down I reach out with my mind to all of them. It's such a beautiful brave and desperate endeavor -- such an honor to be in that company. Know when you reach out that they are reaching out to you, as well.
I suspect that the difficulty you're having has less to do with the meditation itself than with maybe not giving enough attention to setting its context. The joy of a quiet mind is not really very dependable. It's important to frame it with joys that are (in the short run) more reliable.
Moose, I'd echo what Dale said. Instead of treating meditation as a bitter pill you "should" suffer through, why not find away to make it a bit easier?
Life's too short to make *more* suffering for yourself. Just because the Buddha said "life is suffering" doesn't mean we're obligated to take a heaping portion of Agony & then come back for seconds.
I wonder if sitting without a timer--without any notion of how long you "should" sit--would be helpful. Just try to pause sometime during the day to enjoy a moment of nonactivity...and then the second it starts feeling like work, stop.
And I like what John said, too. Don't chase your mind...just let it go as nuts as it wants to. Whether or not your mind is "clear," I think there's value to *physical* stopping. If calling it "meditation" is too daunting, maybe you could call it "rest time."
As for me, I sat for about 15 minutes this morning, which felt like an accomplishment on a normally hectic Tuesday morning. Then I went to teach and had a not-very-calm moment where I lost my cool with an indifferent class...so I guess if keeping a "calm" mind is the goal here, I'm very good at this, either. ;-)
Moose, thanks for your honesty. We all feel the way you describe sometimes. It seems like it's part of meditation, especially as we begin. Echoing what everyone else said...I get a lot fo pleasure, like Dale, out of the simplicity of my meditation space - which right now is a votive candle on my bedside table! No pictures or anything else. The flickering flame, the way the light and the glass cast shadows and patterns on the wooden table -- all that is pleasurable and calm and grounding to me. And like Mary, it helps me to experience the physical sensations of my breath, my chest moving, the feeling of the air in my nostrils. I just returning to that. You can count breaths, too, which sometimes helps.
Try not to judge or measure yourself, don't stress, and remember that all of us have days when we are hopelessly distracted. Even so, meditation has a beneficial effect on the body. Just sitting and saying, with intention, once a day, that you care about the rest of the world and want the best for them and for yourself has to be worthwhile, too.
moose, thanks for being so honest. I, as a novice, also have these feelings often. I had them today. One of the things which is arising for me is the them and the us, and how closely that is connected to my inner judgement (growing up with a sibling who was always more, better and adored etc...).When there is no separation, this can dissolve. If I can treat the crazed wanderings of my own mind with gentle humour i find it seeps in to how I can treat other people. In a way it is simply a time to be kind to myself and make that a starting point...
I also think the shrine - candles whatever - helps. I have a candle, a buddha and incence which somehow makes the space special and definitely not smelling of our normal house smells - foie gras or lamb curry...
which leads me to thank you to all you non veggies for making me feel normal. I also cook only veg for myself but I love meat and feel it is good for me. there is something about the food chain which makes sense, and at the same time I laughed at dale's gorgeous anything that wriggles line...I have to say I am starting to feel great tenderness towards leaves too so, for me too, it is a question of where to draw the line and about intention.
J and I spent last night discussing label rouge and what it meant about the animals and the way they are treated...he believes the French are much more aware that a happy animal tastes better!
7 Comments:
Sat for 20 minutes. I'd appreciate thoughts from you all. I've been struggling, and it's because my attitude about meditation has become negative. I'm feeling like it's hard work and that I'm not very good at it. I know that's not a helpful way to think about it, but I'm having trouble getting out of that mindset. I spend 20 minutes chasing my mind around unsuccessfully trying to corral it, is the way it feels. Argh. As a result, I don't look forward to it.
Help?
Hi moose: What has helped me is realising that my perceptions of being good and being bad at anything, which may or may not work in the rest of my life, are worthless in meditation. If I am sitting there doing it, and bringing the mind back when it wanders off, then I'm good at it.
It is hard for me to sit anywhere without stimulus in non-meditation activities for more than 5 minutes (apart maybe watching TV, in the movies or surfing the net), so I am learning to be charitable with myself and give myself full credit for the willingness to sit.
What does help, in a funny way, is to experience the sitting as a sensual (non)activity, the feeling of air passing through my nostrils, the rise and fall of my chest while I breathe. The quality of the silence, and the smell of the incense. I can really get into all that, and have learned to look forward to it, however jumpy and nervous my mind may be on the side.
I don't know if any of this makes sense but I really value your input here and your honesty in raising this.
And yes, I sat this morning but only for 5 minutes. I want to commit here to doing my sitting within the first 30 mins of getting out of bed. Once I start surfing the net or making phone calls, as I did this morning, the quality of my meditation time is diminished. better than nothing at all I know, but I can do better.
Jean: welcome back - take it easy, lots of fluid and rest.
Sleepless night, last night, with the full moon pouring through the skylight. Finally sat down at 2:30 & meditated twenty minutes, and then got a few hours' sleep.
Moose, you should demand some joy from your practice. It is hard and discouraging work, and if you don't find some compensatory joy in it you won't keep doing it, not in the long run.
Here's some of my sources of joy:
There is the simple (and largely "unspiritual") joy in the silver of the offering bowls, the light candle flame gleaming on the silver threads of the shrine-cloth, the picture of my teacher (on whom I have crushes both spiritual and decidedly un), the maplewood of the dresser beneath it. I love dusting the shrine, and I love bowing to it three times. I love the prayers I say to start with, affirming the aspiration to benefit all beings. If you don't have a shrine, it's one thing to consider -- you can make a little space that's beautiful and dedicated to relieving all suffering and bringing happiness to everyone. Put anything there that inspires you with reverence or gratitude to anyone for anything.
There is the scientist's joy in just taking your mind apart and seeing how it works. Watching it sidle around back to the comfort of its old habits of discursive repetition can be amusing, rather than discouraging. I have burst out laughing, at times, getting to see just how stubbornly it resists settling. And it's fascinating to me, as well as comical. I mean, this is my life. This is what I actually do all day -- and I never knew!
There's the joy of the community. All over the world, every minute of everyday, people are sitting down to meditate and cultivating loving-kindness and compassion. In my prayers when I first sit down I reach out with my mind to all of them. It's such a beautiful brave and desperate endeavor -- such an honor to be in that company. Know when you reach out that they are reaching out to you, as well.
I suspect that the difficulty you're having has less to do with the meditation itself than with maybe not giving enough attention to setting its context. The joy of a quiet mind is not really very dependable. It's important to frame it with joys that are (in the short run) more reliable.
Moose, I'd echo what Dale said. Instead of treating meditation as a bitter pill you "should" suffer through, why not find away to make it a bit easier?
Life's too short to make *more* suffering for yourself. Just because the Buddha said "life is suffering" doesn't mean we're obligated to take a heaping portion of Agony & then come back for seconds.
I wonder if sitting without a timer--without any notion of how long you "should" sit--would be helpful. Just try to pause sometime during the day to enjoy a moment of nonactivity...and then the second it starts feeling like work, stop.
And I like what John said, too. Don't chase your mind...just let it go as nuts as it wants to. Whether or not your mind is "clear," I think there's value to *physical* stopping. If calling it "meditation" is too daunting, maybe you could call it "rest time."
As for me, I sat for about 15 minutes this morning, which felt like an accomplishment on a normally hectic Tuesday morning. Then I went to teach and had a not-very-calm moment where I lost my cool with an indifferent class...so I guess if keeping a "calm" mind is the goal here, I'm very good at this, either. ;-)
Moose, thanks for your honesty. We all feel the way you describe sometimes. It seems like it's part of meditation, especially as we begin. Echoing what everyone else said...I get a lot fo pleasure, like Dale, out of the simplicity of my meditation space - which right now is a votive candle on my bedside table! No pictures or anything else. The flickering flame, the way the light and the glass cast shadows and patterns on the wooden table -- all that is pleasurable and calm and grounding to me. And like Mary, it helps me to experience the physical sensations of my breath, my chest moving, the feeling of the air in my nostrils. I just returning to that. You can count breaths, too, which sometimes helps.
Try not to judge or measure yourself, don't stress, and remember that all of us have days when we are hopelessly distracted. Even so, meditation has a beneficial effect on the body. Just sitting and saying, with intention, once a day, that you care about the rest of the world and want the best for them and for yourself has to be worthwhile, too.
moose, thanks for being so honest. I, as a novice, also have these feelings often. I had them today. One of the things which is arising for me is the them and the us, and how closely that is connected to my inner judgement (growing up with a sibling who was always more, better and adored etc...).When there is no separation, this can dissolve. If I can treat the crazed wanderings of my own mind with gentle humour i find it seeps in to how I can treat other people. In a way it is simply a time to be kind to myself and make that a starting point...
I also think the shrine - candles whatever - helps. I have a candle, a buddha and incence which somehow makes the space special and definitely not smelling of our normal house smells - foie gras or lamb curry...
which leads me to thank you to all you non veggies for making me feel normal. I also cook only veg for myself but I love meat and feel it is good for me. there is something about the food chain which makes sense, and at the same time I laughed at dale's gorgeous anything that wriggles line...I have to say I am starting to feel great tenderness towards leaves too so, for me too, it is a question of where to draw the line and about intention.
J and I spent last night discussing label rouge and what it meant about the animals and the way they are treated...he believes the French are much more aware that a happy animal tastes better!
bonne nuitxx
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