Good morning everybody. It's a bright beautiful day in New England - and there's still frost on the ground. Didn't sit yesterday but spent a good part of the day in conscious reflection. I'll meditate today though.
Thinking about Jean's and Ruth's comments about separation/connection. I always feel the connection with other beings, but I also crave space and time alone, without the pressure to interact. I think there is a difference between feeling compassion and connection, and actually actively interacting, whether that's in a relationship or with guests or with strangers. All of us have different capacities for that, and different needs for renewal and recharging before we can plunge back into active engagement again. I've foudn that as I've gotten older and am working harder and harder, it seems, on both my own creative work and professional work, I simply don't have the energy for a lot of social chit-chat. It's as if the energy required for writing and working at a high level (which is all about communication, really)is so much that it actually makes me want to be quiet and sometimes alone in my free time. My most meaningful and fulfilling social connections come from my marriage and from blogging, and a few in-the-flesh friends. But the online relationships are, frankly, more mutually satisfying than most of my other ones, and I tend to put my energy there. I've grown very tired of the obligatory quality of many real-life friendships", with the demands for phone calls and lunches and get-togethers. I just can't do it, can't keep up with people who are living a very different schedule and lifestyle. In that sense I feel more and more disconnected from certain people - not to mention the cultural and social and political disconnections.
wow beth!! a real e-friend! One of my e-friends has become a real friend and I have to say I find it so much more rewarding! each to her own!
Interesting what you say. I think it depends on whether you really 'choose' your time alone consciously or not. I think often I think I do but actually I am simply closed, fearful, and unable to expand or soften within (see todays's blog..) so I flee or put up barriers. Not always but i would like to learn to be more discerning about the difference. You probably are already.
I have spent much of thisafternoon in tears. Didn't help- or did - that Julian has been playing handel's theodora all day whilst painting and sobbing along to it. I am feeling a lot of emotion, mostly connected to the possibility that this (admittedly rather subtle and masterfully culivated!)iron curtain of mine (which I inherited from my mum) could one day come down and it would still be safe. There was a moment during sitting when I really felt my mum's pain and saw the empty mind beneath it and I started sobbing. what do you do when you are sobbing and meditating? I simply tried to observe it and stay with the breath but part of me wanted to go with the release.
I was reminded of when I smoked. Nothing like another puff to stop it from all gushing out!!!
Oh dear. I've just removed my previous comment. It included gratuitous and unpleasant gossip. If any one read it - sorry! I'm afraid right speech is sometimes a struggle for me - I have a nasty tongue and an addiction to gossip.
Most of it, however, was as below.
I don't know what to say. Just, I'm here and listening, I guess. And although our online relationships are incomplete - I kind of do and don't agree with Beth about that - I can't call what I feel for you anything but love. You wouldn't think being quiet together, at a distance, would be so powerful...
I don't think meditation has ever made me cry. Melt and smile and shift and once realise that I was in love, but not cry. I long for the day... too much iron inside. It's getting a bit rusted and flaky at the edges though, I think.
Oh yes. I sat for an hour yesterday. What a luxury. It was good. Maybe not the best idea, though, since I haven't had any inclination to sit at all so far today.
Sat both Sat and Sun but gave myself a blog-free weekend .. which was good.
Separation: on a personal level I struggle with this, and with barriers - Ruth's posts strike a chord.
I don't quite know what effect meditation is having on me, or not, at the moment. Most other areas of my life are in a state of flux and a little frightening if Ithink about them too much (work, money, house move, Xmas arrangements, still sick cat). The fact that I am doing meditating regularly is guess stabilsing factor.
Saturday I almost fell asleep during the session (a first), Sunday sat for 25 mins - a tension in the diaphragm did not dissipate but I learned to live with it .... and I always feel calmer after meditating.
6 Comments:
Good morning everybody. It's a bright beautiful day in New England - and there's still frost on the ground. Didn't sit yesterday but spent a good part of the day in conscious reflection. I'll meditate today though.
Thinking about Jean's and Ruth's comments about separation/connection. I always feel the connection with other beings, but I also crave space and time alone, without the pressure to interact. I think there is a difference between feeling compassion and connection, and actually actively interacting, whether that's in a relationship or with guests or with strangers. All of us have different capacities for that, and different needs for renewal and recharging before we can plunge back into active engagement again. I've foudn that as I've gotten older and am working harder and harder, it seems, on both my own creative work and professional work, I simply don't have the energy for a lot of social chit-chat. It's as if the energy required for writing and working at a high level (which is all about communication, really)is so much that it actually makes me want to be quiet and sometimes alone in my free time. My most meaningful and fulfilling social connections come from my marriage and from blogging, and a few in-the-flesh friends. But the online relationships are, frankly, more mutually satisfying than most of my other ones, and I tend to put my energy there. I've grown very tired of the obligatory quality of many real-life friendships", with the demands for phone calls and lunches and get-togethers. I just can't do it, can't keep up with people who are living a very different schedule and lifestyle. In that sense I feel more and more disconnected from certain people - not to mention the cultural and social and political disconnections.
wow beth!! a real e-friend! One of my e-friends has become a real friend and I have to say I find it so much more rewarding! each to her own!
Interesting what you say. I think it depends on whether you really 'choose' your time alone consciously or not. I think often I think I do but actually I am simply closed, fearful, and unable to expand or soften within (see todays's blog..) so I flee or put up barriers. Not always but i would like to learn to be more discerning about the difference. You probably are already.
I have spent much of thisafternoon in tears. Didn't help- or did - that Julian has been playing handel's theodora all day whilst painting and sobbing along to it. I am feeling a lot of emotion, mostly connected to the possibility that this (admittedly rather subtle and masterfully culivated!)iron curtain of mine (which I inherited from my mum) could one day come down and it would still be safe. There was a moment during sitting when I really felt my mum's pain and saw the empty mind beneath it and I started sobbing. what do you do when you are sobbing and meditating? I simply tried to observe it and stay with the breath but part of me wanted to go with the release.
I was reminded of when I smoked. Nothing like another puff to stop it from all gushing out!!!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Oh dear. I've just removed my previous comment. It included gratuitous and unpleasant gossip. If any one read it - sorry! I'm afraid right speech is sometimes a struggle for me - I have a nasty tongue and an addiction to gossip.
Most of it, however, was as below.
I don't know what to say. Just, I'm here and listening, I guess. And although our online relationships are incomplete - I kind of do and don't agree with Beth about that - I can't call what I feel for you anything but love. You wouldn't think being quiet together, at a distance, would be so powerful...
I don't think meditation has ever made me cry. Melt and smile and shift and once realise that I was in love, but not cry. I long for the day... too much iron inside. It's getting a bit rusted and flaky at the edges though, I think.
Oh yes. I sat for an hour yesterday. What a luxury. It was good. Maybe not the best idea, though, since I haven't had any inclination to sit at all so far today.
Sat both Sat and Sun but gave myself a blog-free weekend .. which was good.
Separation: on a personal level I struggle with this, and with barriers - Ruth's posts strike a chord.
I don't quite know what effect meditation is having on me, or not, at the moment. Most other areas of my life are in a state of flux and a little frightening if Ithink about them too much (work, money, house move, Xmas arrangements, still sick cat). The fact that I am doing meditating regularly is guess stabilsing factor.
Saturday I almost fell asleep during the session (a first), Sunday sat for 25 mins - a tension in the diaphragm did not dissipate but I learned to live with it .... and I always feel calmer after meditating.
oh dear, early morning typos.
"The fact that I am meditating regularly is I guess a stabilising factor" is of course what I meant.
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