I spoke to a friend last night about it - first opportunity really to offload it to someone else - which was a great relief. I am a bit disappointed in myself that I didn't report it to the police, but in a small town like this I think it would only be a matter of time before it came back to haunt me, and I was so grateful to have got away unscathed that I felt like there was nothing to report, when of course there was. I would like to say that next time I will do so, but at the moment I'm a bit fragile and need to choose my battles carefully.
beth - Thanks for the reminder that there is acceptance and affirmation elsewhere. It was such a contrast for me on Friday - one minute I was in Soho with my queer friends of all shapes, sizes, colours, sexualities and gender-assignments ... the next I was in Surrey being threatened with sexual violence simply because I have my head shaved.
I am going to try, in my meditation today, to find some compassion for those boys. How awful it must be to grow up so narrow minded and frightened of everything different. How much they miss out on by not having their eyes wider open. How anxious they must be any time they have the faintest flutter of attraction towards their male heros or close friends.
Focussing too - a reminder of how real fear feels, at a time when too many people in the world live with a much greater sense of danger every hour of every day.
Hugs all, thanks for kind words and understanding, xx
Managed to focus on the moment at 9pm Edinburgh time ...for just a few minutes. Needing to get back to a regular commitment to do something even if it is only a mindful 5 minutes walk ...thinking of all of you really but especially Stray (and welcome!), Beth, Brenda and Ruth (oh families). I'm really struggling just now - although yesterday I managed a day of doing nothing but reading and relaxing ...today I feel all the irritations of knowing myself piling down on to me, struggling to see the point of anything never mind marriage/partnership (how do people manage that with grace??), tax papers, professional accreditations, MYSELF!! Certainly I am agitated and feeling unclear about what I want or need. Every so often the walls fall in completely - for no apparent, external reason ...hoping to get time to meditate later ...and glad you are all there ...
Stray, oh, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. And horrified. I hope will soon make friends and feel somewhat 'held' by your new neighbourhood.
Yesterday at 9 I was on my way to the cinema, left my friends in the bar of the Clapham Picture House and went to sit on the grass on the edge of the Common (Londoners, the seedy bit by the statue and the paddling pool). I visualised each of you sitting in a circle around me on the grass. It was lovely and part of me didn't want to 'come back', or wished that you could all step through a hole in time and space and we could go for a drink together amongst the drifting crowds of people in a hot, desultory South London evening.
g'morning, everyone. It's great to see so many folks here already for our "OT."
(btw, did we definitely decide to start the next 100 Days on the new moon? If so, could someone remind me when that was again?) :-)
Stray, I can understand why you wouldn't want to report those hostile drunks to the police. I live in a semi-smallish town, and although I'd like to *think* it's tolerant & accepting, I know there are folks here who aren't. It's tempting to think you "should" be a martyr for the cause, but at the same time you have to protect yourself & do what your gut feels is right for your own safety & security. If making a police report feels like the kind of thing that would make you more vulnerable, now's probably not the time to make that sort of stand. It sounds like you need to get yourself established & recover a sense of security before you do something so daunting.
Thanks Jean - I enjoyed sitting on the common with you and I know just the spot you mean :)
I'm glad you understand Lorianne, it's a funny thing to work out ... how much to risk my own safety for the future safety of others etc. I'm kind of glad that in those moments my self-preservation keeps my mouth shut!
I took my dog up into the woods earlier. We walked all the way to the top and then sat on a bench on the edge of a clearing, sun pouring down, and I did my five minutes (probably much more) and just kept refocussing on the slow growth of the trees behind me. The whole woods alive and changing every millisecond ...
I think the new moon was the 25th? That's what Devon said on day 99 anyway. That's tomorrow then!
On the other hand, Stray, not reporting them has its difficulties too. They may feel they 'got away' with it and potentially be worse if you're passing them by alone again. I'd want a record in the police files just in case. You may have to deal with some homophobia there, too, but they know they have a job to do. And if the boys were questioned, they'd know they were 'in the books.' All of which would be good, bullies usually are cowards when confronted. Tolerance and small towns aren't, well, me I prefer either the wilderness, alone in nature, or a large city, the energy and tolerance of difference most appealing. You can handle this with aplomb, Stray. But make sure to take good care of yourself emotionally...
Barbara, it sounds frustrating! It's most difficult when there are things we have to do that we can't cope with at present. Where is our will? Etc. So don't be hard on yourself. All in good time. And walls crumbling; who knows, but perhaps they ought to. And then we can step over the rubble and see the unfettered light. With you in spirit...
I sat yesterday with all of you … 1 pm here on the West Coast. First, a candle and incense, then three standing bows … to Buddha (the altar), Dharma (the cushion) and Sangha (facing out to encompass the world). Chanted three rounds of Kanzeon sutra, then took up my beads for 15 minutes of “serious cushion sitting”.
Little pictures kept slipping into my consciousness. A few days ago Brenda extended an invitation for us to share our spiritual journeys. How did I get here? Haven’t really thought much about it until now.
The first image was of coloring pictures in the Sunday school room in the basement of Timothy Eaton Cathedral in Toronto. Next came the Episcopalian church in Ohio that I attended with my adoptive family, baptism as an adult with my young children in the Anglican church in a small town in BC. None of it held any deep meaning for me … just something that I did because it was expected.
So I started writing about it. It’s been a long long journey with many stops and starts along the way until I met Alan Watts in Vancouver and fell into Buddhism quite naturally … and it felt like coming home.
And now we're into overtime. Stray, holding you in my heart
All — I sat with you briefly, high in the mountains, at about 8,000 ft elevation (2,438 meters). At that height we did indeed escape the worst of the heat at home (which got up to 107F/42C over the weekend) — it was still hot, but not that hot! My feet cooling in a small waterfall lined with moss-covered rocks and logs and whose banks were sprinkled with flowers, surrounded by goats, children, friends, all resting in the shade.... I closed my eyes for about five minutes and envisioned you all, one by one, breathing together with me. That ranked as one of the lovelier moments of the trip.
Stray, I was very sorry to read what was done to you this weekend. And I understand that you need to weigh risks about reporting it. My heart goes out to you.
Stray, I was remembering my friend whose ex often threatened her, and on legal advice, she kept a detailed journal with dates, times, what was said, and this document enabled her, with a public aid lawyer, to put a restraining order on him, and even when he moved into an apartment building down the street, he was forced to move out of her area by the police because of that restraining order. She credits her documentation as key to the protection she received.
Please get a journal, and write every detail you remember, even if it's painful it'll be cathartic at the very least. Just the facts. Your sexual orientation not as much of an issue as your democratic rights, meaning while it's politically important for you to be among those whose work helps gain acceptance of sexualities outside of 'the norm,' in a small town your safety is of more importance.
The journal could become part of other political writing that you could publish, but make safety your main concern where you are now.
If 'they' harrass you again, record it, dated, timed, name names. Should you decide to go to the police, this document will be of invaluable aid to you - in xeroxes, I mean, not the original.
I will keep you in my prayers and meditations surrounded with fierce protective love and safety. May it never happen again. xo
Bah. My long eloquent comment eaten by blogger, a hint from the universe to boil things down a bit. All I really had to say was -- glad that you were with us, MB and Barbara and Janice! And Stray, I agree with everything everyone's said, which is no help, since they've said contradictory things. So really I'd say trust your instincts.
Jean, I read your comment before it was deleted at 6:12 pm ... ha ... wondering why
Anyway, what I wanted to say here is about your walking the pilgrim's trails in Spain. Wondering if you ever met Peter Renner at some point along the way.
http://www.peter-renner.com/zen.html
He's recently joined our volunteer staff at hospice and is offering meditation classes for staff and volunteers
damn - I forgot how to make the url clickable - it's written down somewhere, but no time to look it up now
Janice, I thought my comment was a bit self-inflating, on reflection. Maybe another time. No, I don't believe I've ever met Peter Renner, but he looks like someone I'd like to meet. Sadly, the pilgrims trails link from his website is no longer active.
16 Comments:
Stray, didn't mention yesterday how sorry I am about what happened to you the other day. Hugs.
Thanks Mary,
I spoke to a friend last night about it - first opportunity really to offload it to someone else - which was a great relief. I am a bit disappointed in myself that I didn't report it to the police, but in a small town like this I think it would only be a matter of time before it came back to haunt me, and I was so grateful to have got away unscathed that I felt like there was nothing to report, when of course there was. I would like to say that next time I will do so, but at the moment I'm a bit fragile and need to choose my battles carefully.
beth - Thanks for the reminder that there is acceptance and affirmation elsewhere. It was such a contrast for me on Friday - one minute I was in Soho with my queer friends of all shapes, sizes, colours, sexualities and gender-assignments ... the next I was in Surrey being threatened with sexual violence simply because I have my head shaved.
I am going to try, in my meditation today, to find some compassion for those boys. How awful it must be to grow up so narrow minded and frightened of everything different. How much they miss out on by not having their eyes wider open. How anxious they must be any time they have the faintest flutter of attraction towards their male heros or close friends.
Focussing too - a reminder of how real fear feels, at a time when too many people in the world live with a much greater sense of danger every hour of every day.
Hugs all, thanks for kind words and understanding, xx
Managed to focus on the moment at 9pm Edinburgh time ...for just a few minutes. Needing to get back to a regular commitment to do something even if it is only a mindful 5 minutes walk ...thinking of all of you really but especially Stray (and welcome!), Beth, Brenda and Ruth (oh families). I'm really struggling just now - although yesterday I managed a day of doing nothing but reading and relaxing ...today I feel all the irritations of knowing myself piling down on to me, struggling to see the point of anything never mind marriage/partnership (how do people manage that with grace??), tax papers, professional accreditations, MYSELF!! Certainly I am agitated and feeling unclear about what I want or need. Every so often the walls fall in completely - for no apparent, external reason ...hoping to get time to meditate later ...and glad you are all there ...
Stray, oh, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. And horrified. I hope will soon make friends and feel somewhat 'held' by your new neighbourhood.
Yesterday at 9 I was on my way to the cinema, left my friends in the bar of the Clapham Picture House and went to sit on the grass on the edge of the Common (Londoners, the seedy bit by the statue and the paddling pool). I visualised each of you sitting in a circle around me on the grass. It was lovely and part of me didn't want to 'come back', or wished that you could all step through a hole in time and space and we could go for a drink together amongst the drifting crowds of people in a hot, desultory South London evening.
g'morning, everyone. It's great to see so many folks here already for our "OT."
(btw, did we definitely decide to start the next 100 Days on the new moon? If so, could someone remind me when that was again?) :-)
Stray, I can understand why you wouldn't want to report those hostile drunks to the police. I live in a semi-smallish town, and although I'd like to *think* it's tolerant & accepting, I know there are folks here who aren't. It's tempting to think you "should" be a martyr for the cause, but at the same time you have to protect yourself & do what your gut feels is right for your own safety & security. If making a police report feels like the kind of thing that would make you more vulnerable, now's probably not the time to make that sort of stand. It sounds like you need to get yourself established & recover a sense of security before you do something so daunting.
Thanks Jean - I enjoyed sitting on the common with you and I know just the spot you mean :)
I'm glad you understand Lorianne, it's a funny thing to work out ... how much to risk my own safety for the future safety of others etc. I'm kind of glad that in those moments my self-preservation keeps my mouth shut!
I took my dog up into the woods earlier. We walked all the way to the top and then sat on a bench on the edge of a clearing, sun pouring down, and I did my five minutes (probably much more) and just kept refocussing on the slow growth of the trees behind me. The whole woods alive and changing every millisecond ...
I think the new moon was the 25th? That's what Devon said on day 99 anyway. That's tomorrow then!
xx
On the other hand, Stray, not reporting them has its difficulties too. They may feel they 'got away' with it and potentially be worse if you're passing them by alone again. I'd want a record in the police files just in case. You may have to deal with some homophobia there, too, but they know they have a job to do. And if the boys were questioned, they'd know they were 'in the books.' All of which would be good, bullies usually are cowards when confronted. Tolerance and small towns aren't, well, me I prefer either the wilderness, alone in nature, or a large city, the energy and tolerance of difference most appealing. You can handle this with aplomb, Stray. But make sure to take good care of yourself emotionally...
Barbara, it sounds frustrating! It's most difficult when there are things we have to do that we can't cope with at present. Where is our will? Etc. So don't be hard on yourself. All in good time. And walls crumbling; who knows, but perhaps they ought to. And then we can step over the rubble and see the unfettered light. With you in spirit...
Hugs to all-
I sat yesterday with all of you … 1 pm here on the West Coast. First, a candle and incense, then three standing bows … to Buddha (the altar), Dharma (the cushion) and Sangha (facing out to encompass the world). Chanted three rounds of Kanzeon sutra, then took up my beads for 15 minutes of “serious cushion sitting”.
Little pictures kept slipping into my consciousness. A few days ago Brenda extended an invitation for us to share our spiritual journeys. How did I get here? Haven’t really thought much about it until now.
The first image was of coloring pictures in the Sunday school room in the basement of Timothy Eaton Cathedral in Toronto. Next came the Episcopalian church in Ohio that I attended with my adoptive family, baptism as an adult with my young children in the Anglican church in a small town in BC. None of it held any deep meaning for me … just something that I did because it was expected.
So I started writing about it. It’s been a long long journey with many stops and starts along the way until I met Alan Watts in Vancouver and fell into Buddhism quite naturally … and it felt like coming home.
And now we're into overtime. Stray, holding you in my heart
All — I sat with you briefly, high in the mountains, at about 8,000 ft elevation (2,438 meters). At that height we did indeed escape the worst of the heat at home (which got up to 107F/42C over the weekend) — it was still hot, but not that hot! My feet cooling in a small waterfall lined with moss-covered rocks and logs and whose banks were sprinkled with flowers, surrounded by goats, children, friends, all resting in the shade.... I closed my eyes for about five minutes and envisioned you all, one by one, breathing together with me. That ranked as one of the lovelier moments of the trip.
Stray, I was very sorry to read what was done to you this weekend. And I understand that you need to weigh risks about reporting it. My heart goes out to you.
Love to you all.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Stray, I was remembering my friend whose ex often threatened her, and on legal advice, she kept a detailed journal with dates, times, what was said, and this document enabled her, with a public aid lawyer, to put a restraining order on him, and even when he moved into an apartment building down the street, he was forced to move out of her area by the police because of that restraining order. She credits her documentation as key to the protection she received.
Please get a journal, and write every detail you remember, even if it's painful it'll be cathartic at the very least. Just the facts. Your sexual orientation not as much of an issue as your democratic rights, meaning while it's politically important for you to be among those whose work helps gain acceptance of sexualities outside of 'the norm,' in a small town your safety is of more importance.
The journal could become part of other political writing that you could publish, but make safety your main concern where you are now.
If 'they' harrass you again, record it, dated, timed, name names. Should you decide to go to the police, this document will be of invaluable aid to you - in xeroxes, I mean, not the original.
I will keep you in my prayers and meditations surrounded with fierce protective love and safety. May it never happen again. xo
Bah. My long eloquent comment eaten by blogger, a hint from the universe to boil things down a bit. All I really had to say was -- glad that you were with us, MB and Barbara and Janice! And Stray, I agree with everything everyone's said, which is no help, since they've said contradictory things. So really I'd say trust your instincts.
Barbara, there are people who handle marriage/partnership with *grace*? First time I've heard of it :-)
xoxoxo
Jean, I read your comment before it was deleted at 6:12 pm ... ha ... wondering why
Anyway, what I wanted to say here is about your walking the pilgrim's trails in Spain. Wondering if you ever met Peter Renner at some point along the way.
http://www.peter-renner.com/zen.html
He's recently joined our volunteer staff at hospice and is offering meditation classes for staff and volunteers
damn - I forgot how to make the url clickable - it's written down somewhere, but no time to look it up now
Janice, I thought my comment was a bit self-inflating, on reflection. Maybe another time. No, I don't believe I've ever met Peter Renner, but he looks like someone I'd like to meet. Sadly, the pilgrims trails link from his website is no longer active.
Let's go ahead and call tomorrow Day One of -- is it really the 4th hundred days?
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