Thinking of you all and looking forward to Sunday. I'll be there. I think this is Day 300, in fact, isn't it? We started last September.
I'm sad but fine, grateful for the gifts that come with grieving together with many, many friends. That I - who collapse with migraine at the drop of a hat -have not collapsed from heat, exhaustion and distress, like several of my colleagues, I attribute entirely to my meditation practice. Really. No exaggeration.
Hugs to you, Jean. Perhaps you aren't getting migraines because the Universe recognizes that right now, you're being strong for so many, you don't have time for headaches. Be especially good to yourself in these next few days & weeks, knowing that grief sometimes arises/re-arises later, after the "being strong" period has passed.
I didn't spend any "serious cushion time" yesterday, but I caught up on the work I'd been procrastinating, took time to see a film (The War Tapes, which I *highly* recommend), and did 3 mindful breaths before bed.
On Sunday, I'm hoping to go to the Zen Center in the morning for a couple hours of sitting/walking meditation, possibly followed with socializing with friends in Boston. So I might be doing "chatting with friends" meditation during our synchro-sit...but I'll be sure to set an alarm on my clock so I *stop* chatting long enough for at *least* 3 mindful breaths at the proper time.
PS: Jean, I didn't mean to imply with my previous comment that your lack of migraines *isn't* a result of your meditation practice: it probably is! I was just cautioning you to take care of yourself in case the full effects of grief appear belatedly, which sometimes happens even to folks with very strong meditation practices.
A Zen Master in my school once told a story of how she was working in her kitchen (baking bread? washing dishes? I can't recall...) while listening to a meditation/chanting tape a friend had given her. She said she usually didn't listen to such tapes, but the chanting was deeply moving & evocative...and suddenly she found herself weeping over something that had happened years ago, something she'd never had the time or opportunity to grieve over fully.
Our minds & bodies store grief in strange ways, sometimes doling it out over time. So be gentle with yourself, Jean. Just as you've held weeping colleagues in your arms, it's okay to hold *yourself* in your own arms.
Thanks Lorianne. Yes, I'm very much aware of what you say and will be making sure to have a weekend of gentle occupation and company. I'm going to a short workshop tomorrow with the writer, Alexander and Cranio-Sacral therapist, Ingrid Bacci, whose work some of you probably know. I've long admired her books and found them terribly helpful, and this is her first ever event in UK, so much looking forward to it.
Dale, thanks for figuring it all out. I'll do my best to join you from high up in the Seven Devils mountains above the Hells Canyon of the Snake, where I hope, ironically enough, to escape the heat which is predicted to be up to 107 here on Sunday. It was already 103 yesterday. Am I complaining? Yes, sorry, but I'm deeply tired of this, I don't do well in this kind of heat. But if I can stake out space and quiet and time from among a fairly large group of humans and goats that day... I'll be with you. In spirit, no matter what.
Jean, Lorriane is entirely right that grief is a strange thing, a little unpredictable. Peace and love to you as you ride its waves.
Devon, wonderful to hear you feel it has strengthened you!
I’ve been cleaning up, clearing out, de-cluttering … my living space and my monkey mind. It started unexpectedly and slowly a couple weeks ago … books I’ve been keeping for too long … some one else can enjoy them, and I can always find another. Clothes to the community store, shoes and furniture from the storage closet.
Paper, paper, paper … I’ve been clipping and keeping bits and pieces to be used in collage artwork for years now. Big plans to use them, and before I do, monkey mind moves to something else more interesting ... filling up the recycle bins in the parking lot behind the apartment
Still a long way to go, but I’m on a roll now. Along the way, I’ve uncovered treasures long hidden and forgotten. It feels so good to have more living space … empty and clear.
An intention is arising to renew bowing practice … 108 bows is a lot. Maybe I’ll save that for Day 1 on Monday. Start small and increase slowly … or not.
Embarking on some short travels that include lots of time on ferries … to the mainland and to smaller islands … keeping cool in this unusual flaming heatwave
Jean, your weekend sounds just the ticket! Had a pang for London when I heard about your workshop. Don't get stuff around here like that....
Mb, we're up to 40 here. Battonned in except for the morning swim and 'sit'.
aka, chatting and sunbathing practice, I think that what I am experiencing is just more mindfulness in general so that everything can be a sort of practice.
I did sit rather than lie at the pool (sunbathing practice sounded distinctly embarassing when I reread it in your hand dale) so must have looked wierd but it didn't matter. I love being near water and concentrating on all the sounds around me - cicadas, water, children and adults talking in all languages, but simply listening without labelling, or at leaqst noticing when I labelled...
still hauling canvasses out of my room-to-be. It feels like the hugest turning point for me, and for us! Really exciting. Booked the bio builders for August to put in a sonic phonic 'rayonnant' floor, so there will be a beautiful space to do yoga and meditation by wintertime hopefully.
The meditation is really helping me with patience by the way which, when you are constantly doing building work and shifting one load of mess from one space to another, is pretty essential. I feel less and less attached to the future when it will all be sorted out (ha), but able to be in the mess knowing we are on the way.
Sunday I will be in a big family reunion but I will try and escape for 10 minutes!
Speaking on behalf of those of us in the middle of nowhere... I really appreciate it when those of you who go to centres and workshops share what teachings have touched you. It's great to keep the inspiration up.
Jean, I am thinking of you. Very glad you didn't get the headache, and I believe exactly what you say about meditation giving you the strength you need to get through... whatever has to be gotten through with strength. I got a cold this past week, the first physical collapse I've had since my mom's downturn and death. And that's because I COULD let down, I think (plus I had spent five hours in the car with my niece, who was sick!) Mostly all better now.
trying to clear my head in time for my friend arriving back on Sunday, so I can just be there for her and not absorbed in my own nonsense.
I headed back to london tonight, to go to a group meeting and be with people who are like me, and who are familiar and friendly, some close, some just acquaintances. I cried, really cried, for something I have needed to cry about for a while. It was such a relief.
I struggled to find space in myself rather than my day to meditate today. Tried on the train to find my breathing and never really succeeded but it is good to be aware of how fast my brain is running away with me!
I'm glad, jean and beth, that the universe gave you a break whilst you needed it. I am often being told that I will be given no more than I can handle, but enough to learn, and tonight heard a nice extension - that I will be delivered the same opportunity to learn a lesson until I take it up.
Will try to find some quiet in my head now, and if it's not available then just begin again tomorrow.
I'm here, slumping admist a deluge of boxes that have nowhere to be unpacked, depressed, crammed in, trying to be optomistic, thinking of you all.
Jean, especially. And Beth. Heart hugs.
I have unwrapped my 2.5'x3' Great Bliss Queen/Divine Mother painting (though that's a composite image), of Kuan Yin sort of, more Yeshe Tsogyal (who's my tutelary spirit I think), and have been meditating before her, which is helping.
10 Comments:
Humph. My last comment has disappeared.
Thinking of you all and looking forward to Sunday. I'll be there. I think this is Day 300, in fact, isn't it? We started last September.
I'm sad but fine, grateful for the gifts that come with grieving together with many, many friends. That I - who collapse with migraine at the drop of a hat -have not collapsed from heat, exhaustion and distress, like several of my colleagues, I attribute entirely to my meditation practice. Really. No exaggeration.
Hugs to you, Jean. Perhaps you aren't getting migraines because the Universe recognizes that right now, you're being strong for so many, you don't have time for headaches. Be especially good to yourself in these next few days & weeks, knowing that grief sometimes arises/re-arises later, after the "being strong" period has passed.
I didn't spend any "serious cushion time" yesterday, but I caught up on the work I'd been procrastinating, took time to see a film (The War Tapes, which I *highly* recommend), and did 3 mindful breaths before bed.
On Sunday, I'm hoping to go to the Zen Center in the morning for a couple hours of sitting/walking meditation, possibly followed with socializing with friends in Boston. So I might be doing "chatting with friends" meditation during our synchro-sit...but I'll be sure to set an alarm on my clock so I *stop* chatting long enough for at *least* 3 mindful breaths at the proper time.
Love to all!
PS: Jean, I didn't mean to imply with my previous comment that your lack of migraines *isn't* a result of your meditation practice: it probably is! I was just cautioning you to take care of yourself in case the full effects of grief appear belatedly, which sometimes happens even to folks with very strong meditation practices.
A Zen Master in my school once told a story of how she was working in her kitchen (baking bread? washing dishes? I can't recall...) while listening to a meditation/chanting tape a friend had given her. She said she usually didn't listen to such tapes, but the chanting was deeply moving & evocative...and suddenly she found herself weeping over something that had happened years ago, something she'd never had the time or opportunity to grieve over fully.
Our minds & bodies store grief in strange ways, sometimes doling it out over time. So be gentle with yourself, Jean. Just as you've held weeping colleagues in your arms, it's okay to hold *yourself* in your own arms.
Thanks Lorianne. Yes, I'm very much aware of what you say and will be making sure to have a weekend of gentle occupation and company. I'm going to a short workshop tomorrow with the writer, Alexander and Cranio-Sacral therapist, Ingrid Bacci, whose work some of you probably know. I've long admired her books and found them terribly helpful, and this is her first ever event in UK, so much looking forward to it.
Dale, thanks for figuring it all out.
I'll do my best to join you from high up in the Seven Devils mountains above the Hells Canyon of the Snake, where I hope, ironically enough, to escape the heat which is predicted to be up to 107 here on Sunday. It was already 103 yesterday. Am I complaining? Yes, sorry, but I'm deeply tired of this, I don't do well in this kind of heat. But if I can stake out space and quiet and time from among a fairly large group of humans and goats that day... I'll be with you. In spirit, no matter what.
Jean, Lorriane is entirely right that grief is a strange thing, a little unpredictable. Peace and love to you as you ride its waves.
Devon, wonderful to hear you feel it has strengthened you!
I’ve been cleaning up, clearing out, de-cluttering … my living space and my monkey mind. It started unexpectedly and slowly a couple weeks ago … books I’ve been keeping for too long … some one else can enjoy them, and I can always find another. Clothes to the community store, shoes and furniture from the storage closet.
Paper, paper, paper … I’ve been clipping and keeping bits and pieces to be used in collage artwork for years now. Big plans to use them, and before I do, monkey mind moves to something else more interesting ... filling up the recycle bins in the parking lot behind the apartment
Still a long way to go, but I’m on a roll now. Along the way, I’ve uncovered treasures long hidden and forgotten. It feels so good to have more living space … empty and clear.
An intention is arising to renew bowing practice … 108 bows is a lot. Maybe I’ll save that for Day 1 on Monday. Start small and increase slowly … or not.
Embarking on some short travels that include lots of time on ferries … to the mainland and to smaller islands … keeping cool in this unusual flaming heatwave
see y’all on Sunday
Jean, your weekend sounds just the ticket! Had a pang for London when I heard about your workshop. Don't get stuff around here like that....
Mb, we're up to 40 here. Battonned in except for the morning swim and 'sit'.
aka, chatting and sunbathing practice, I think that what I am experiencing is just more mindfulness in general so that everything can be a sort of practice.
I did sit rather than lie at the pool (sunbathing practice sounded distinctly embarassing when I reread it in your hand dale) so must have looked wierd but it didn't matter. I love being near water and concentrating on all the sounds around me - cicadas, water, children and adults talking in all languages, but simply listening without labelling, or at leaqst noticing when I labelled...
still hauling canvasses out of my room-to-be. It feels like the hugest turning point for me, and for us! Really exciting. Booked the bio builders for August to put in a sonic phonic 'rayonnant' floor, so there will be a beautiful space to do yoga and meditation by wintertime hopefully.
The meditation is really helping me with patience by the way which, when you are constantly doing building work and shifting one load of mess from one space to another, is pretty essential. I feel less and less attached to the future when it will all be sorted out (ha), but able to be in the mess knowing we are on the way.
Sunday I will be in a big family reunion but I will try and escape for 10 minutes!
Speaking on behalf of those of us in the middle of nowhere... I really appreciate it when those of you who go to centres and workshops share what teachings have touched you. It's great to keep the inspiration up.
Up to 40, Ruth? Yikes.
Jean, I am thinking of you. Very glad you didn't get the headache, and I believe exactly what you say about meditation giving you the strength you need to get through... whatever has to be gotten through with strength. I got a cold this past week, the first physical collapse I've had since my mom's downturn and death. And that's because I COULD let down, I think (plus I had spent five hours in the car with my niece, who was sick!) Mostly all better now.
The workshop sound great - and a good idea.
Happy weekends to all.
thinking of you still jean, and beth.
trying to clear my head in time for my friend arriving back on Sunday, so I can just be there for her and not absorbed in my own nonsense.
I headed back to london tonight, to go to a group meeting and be with people who are like me, and who are familiar and friendly, some close, some just acquaintances. I cried, really cried, for something I have needed to cry about for a while. It was such a relief.
I struggled to find space in myself rather than my day to meditate today. Tried on the train to find my breathing and never really succeeded but it is good to be aware of how fast my brain is running away with me!
I'm glad, jean and beth, that the universe gave you a break whilst you needed it. I am often being told that I will be given no more than I can handle, but enough to learn, and tonight heard a nice extension - that I will be delivered the same opportunity to learn a lesson until I take it up.
Will try to find some quiet in my head now, and if it's not available then just begin again tomorrow.
Thanks all for letting me hop aboard,
xx
I'm here, slumping admist a deluge of boxes that have nowhere to be unpacked, depressed, crammed in, trying to be optomistic, thinking of you all.
Jean, especially. And Beth. Heart hugs.
I have unwrapped my 2.5'x3' Great Bliss Queen/Divine Mother painting (though that's a composite image), of Kuan Yin sort of, more Yeshe Tsogyal (who's my tutelary spirit I think), and have been meditating before her, which is helping.
Heart hugs to you all...
Post a Comment
<< Home