Good morning, all. I haven't been commenting much, but have been sitting most days and lurking here every day. It's very hard to find time for myself recently, there is a long queue of people who feel entitled to my time - and unfortunately most of them come carrying promises that I made - and I usually put myself at the end of any such queue.
I've just realized that I can't sit now because I just made a cup of tea and it would be cold by the time I finished - God forbid!
Confirmation word is "ufrrssau" which a German would pronounce "Ufersau" -> Riverbankpig.
The sun is finally shining again in Lyon and I am almost home....
Just sat for a good 20 minutes. Sitting right before the perfs is nice but risky as there are often rehearsals running over then that little glass of wine with supper or my 'sitting' room invaded by sin gers' warm up...so back to mornings and it felt good.
Trying NOT to control my breath but to observe it is still a challenge. I want to fit it in to my rhythm, however unconciously - hardly surprising when a control freak meets a musician! Anyway, got to observing this desire quite acutely - and even when I realised it didn't fit into a rhythm (not 1 count for the inbreath, 2 for the out) I was still trying to fix it into some sort of rhythmic cage ( 1 for in and 1.5 for out). Managed to get free of this for a few moments.
I have to say , though our lives and feelings are all knitted in here and obviously part of how and why we sit, I do love it and find it invaluable when people post about their actual meditation practice, or share inspirational words relevant to their practice...
I love it too, and missed you all on the days I was off line! It feels like sitting with a circle of faces who are no longer quite strangers and I appreciate it so much, and am moved by what you share and by the thought of what we're all 'sitting with'.
This 100 days commitment is stronger for me than the first one and starts to feel like the bedrock of my days. I think this is the strongest my practice has ever been, though it is very quietly and undramatically so. Back to work yesterday after several days off sick, and back to towering piles of overdue work, along with even higher potential piles of guilt and panic and inadequacy. But getting up to start my day with sitting and then walking is so different from plunging straight into work and stress. And if I'm not acting panicked and guilty others take their cue from that to a great extent and don't feel worried about my ability to 'catch up' and therefore hassle me about it. It's good.
My practice is still irregular, I'm afraid. But reflecting on Jean's words about her commitment being stronger, I realize that in a small way, despite my fluctuations, this is also true for me. I have come to think of myself now as "one who meditates," which didn't used to be the case. It no longer seems like such a novelty, I guess! But getting it down to the level of automaticity (is that a word?), like brushing teeth, is something I've yet to achieve.
I did not sit yesterday, nor this morning. I had to laugh at Udge's description of the long line of those who ask for his time, based on promises he made — I laughed ruefully, for I see that I do the same. I somehow believe I can do everything it occurs to me to do, but this isn't true. My perception of time seems to need adjusting.
So... here's a promise to myself which will take priority: I will sit today before I sleep.
And Udge, I've often wondered how many of the word verifications are in German, or Russian, or Inuit, or...
Actually managed to meditate today between client sessions ...bit of a risky one as I don't always know how I will feel afterwards but I just grabbed the opportunity as it felt more important to do it ...
Meditating to a mantra sounds as if it is different to how some of you are working ...or at least in my ignorance of other types of meditation that's what I am thinking ... or is focussing on the mantra (word from sanskrit 'chosen' by my initiator when I was 16) like focussing on the breath? I hold the word in my mind and let it drift ... when I notice that my mind has drifted away I gently bring it back. A really rubbish meditation is one where I am constantly fighting to bring myself back and instead of succeeding just sinking back into whatever thoughts are consuming me at the time ...it is a parallel for something I do in life (getting bogged down in detail and process) but that's as far as I can get with it sometimes. Haven't got to acceptance of the rubbishy bits ... but am hopeful listening to all of you ...
Friday night here and just in from work so off to drink wine and watch trash tv - sometimes it is so good to let things go ...
Barbara, I really think the rubbishy meditations are at least as valuable, maybe more so, than the gratifying ones. That's when you're doing the hardest work of challenging your habits of mind, and bringing awareness to bits of yourself that would really rather stay hidden. (I make this speech periodically, because I think it's really really important not to judge your meditation by how gratifying/peaceful/serence/emotionally nourishing it is.)
Meditating on a mantra as you describe it sounds very like shamatha as I practice it, expect with the mantra as the object of meditation -- all shamatha is, (in one sense) is resting your attention somewhere, and bringing it back when you notice it's gone. I use different objects -- the breath, ambiant sound, occasionally an object I can see -- but it's basically the same training of the attention. (Not that the mantra practice might not include more than that. I'm just saying that it sounds to me like it qualifies, among other things, as form of shamatha.)
:-) Ruth, I've been sitting for ten years, now, and I still find myself trying to arrange my breath.
Okay. I'm finally ready to repair & revise my commitment. At least 3 minutes of shamatha per day, and at least 42 ngondro accumulations per week. (The ngondro consumes about a half hour not counting the accumulations, and I was finding myself not doing a few minutes' shamatha, some days, because I didn't feel up to spending a whole half hour and flinging myself on the floor repeatedly :-) This I hope will give me some flexibility while still keeping the pot stirred.
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Good morning, all. I haven't been commenting much, but have been sitting most days and lurking here every day. It's very hard to find time for myself recently, there is a long queue of people who feel entitled to my time - and unfortunately most of them come carrying promises that I made - and I usually put myself at the end of any such queue.
I've just realized that I can't sit now because I just made a cup of tea and it would be cold by the time I finished - God forbid!
Confirmation word is "ufrrssau" which a German would pronounce "Ufersau" -> Riverbankpig.
hello everyone.
The sun is finally shining again in Lyon and I am almost home....
Just sat for a good 20 minutes. Sitting right before the perfs is nice but risky as there are often rehearsals running over then that little glass of wine with supper or my 'sitting' room invaded by sin gers' warm up...so back to mornings and it felt good.
Trying NOT to control my breath but to observe it is still a challenge. I want to fit it in to my rhythm, however unconciously - hardly surprising when a control freak meets a musician! Anyway, got to observing this desire quite acutely - and even when I realised it didn't fit into a rhythm (not 1 count for the inbreath, 2 for the out) I was still trying to fix it into some sort of rhythmic cage ( 1 for in and 1.5 for out). Managed to get free of this for a few moments.
I have to say , though our lives and feelings are all knitted in here and obviously part of how and why we sit, I do love it and find it invaluable when people post about their actual meditation practice, or share inspirational words relevant to their practice...
I love it too, and missed you all on the days I was off line! It feels like sitting with a circle of faces who are no longer quite strangers and I appreciate it so much, and am moved by what you share and by the thought of what we're all 'sitting with'.
This 100 days commitment is stronger for me than the first one and starts to feel like the bedrock of my days. I think this is the strongest my practice has ever been, though it is very quietly and undramatically so. Back to work yesterday after several days off sick, and back to towering piles of overdue work, along with even higher potential piles of guilt and panic and inadequacy. But getting up to start my day with sitting and then walking is so different from plunging straight into work and stress. And if I'm not acting panicked and guilty others take their cue from that to a great extent and don't feel worried about my ability to 'catch up' and therefore hassle me about it. It's good.
My practice is still irregular, I'm afraid. But reflecting on Jean's words about her commitment being stronger, I realize that in a small way, despite my fluctuations, this is also true for me. I have come to think of myself now as "one who meditates," which didn't used to be the case. It no longer seems like such a novelty, I guess! But getting it down to the level of automaticity (is that a word?), like brushing teeth, is something I've yet to achieve.
I did not sit yesterday, nor this morning. I had to laugh at Udge's description of the long line of those who ask for his time, based on promises he made — I laughed ruefully, for I see that I do the same. I somehow believe I can do everything it occurs to me to do, but this isn't true. My perception of time seems to need adjusting.
So... here's a promise to myself which will take priority: I will sit today before I sleep.
And Udge, I've often wondered how many of the word verifications are in German, or Russian, or Inuit, or...
Hi All
Actually managed to meditate today between client sessions ...bit of a risky one as I don't always know how I will feel afterwards but I just grabbed the opportunity as it felt more important to do it ...
Meditating to a mantra sounds as if it is different to how some of you are working ...or at least in my ignorance of other types of meditation that's what I am thinking ... or is focussing on the mantra (word from sanskrit 'chosen' by my initiator when I was 16) like focussing on the breath? I hold the word in my mind and let it drift ... when I notice that my mind has drifted away I gently bring it back. A really rubbish meditation is one where I am constantly fighting to bring myself back and instead of succeeding just sinking back into whatever thoughts are consuming me at the time ...it is a parallel for something I do in life (getting bogged down in detail and process) but that's as far as I can get with it sometimes. Haven't got to acceptance of the rubbishy bits ... but am hopeful listening to all of you ...
Friday night here and just in from work so off to drink wine and watch trash tv - sometimes it is so good to let things go ...
Barbara, I really think the rubbishy meditations are at least as valuable, maybe more so, than the gratifying ones. That's when you're doing the hardest work of challenging your habits of mind, and bringing awareness to bits of yourself that would really rather stay hidden. (I make this speech periodically, because I think it's really really important not to judge your meditation by how gratifying/peaceful/serence/emotionally nourishing it is.)
Meditating on a mantra as you describe it sounds very like shamatha as I practice it, expect with the mantra as the object of meditation -- all shamatha is, (in one sense) is resting your attention somewhere, and bringing it back when you notice it's gone. I use different objects -- the breath, ambiant sound, occasionally an object I can see -- but it's basically the same training of the attention. (Not that the mantra practice might not include more than that. I'm just saying that it sounds to me like it qualifies, among other things, as form of shamatha.)
:-) Ruth, I've been sitting for ten years, now, and I still find myself trying to arrange my breath.
Okay. I'm finally ready to repair & revise my commitment. At least 3 minutes of shamatha per day, and at least 42 ngondro accumulations per week. (The ngondro consumes about a half hour not counting the accumulations, and I was finding myself not doing a few minutes' shamatha, some days, because I didn't feel up to spending a whole half hour and flinging myself on the floor repeatedly :-) This I hope will give me some flexibility while still keeping the pot stirred.
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