Well, as usual, I thought I could do it by myself. But I'm going to ask to join in with you all because accountability seems to be what I need! I did sit last night (despite the interruptions of my daughter's giggles -- how can I resist that?) So I hope you don't mind my waiting til a quarter of the way through? In my mind, it's an ongoing project anyhoo.
Jean, I really appreciate your comment: "little to do with who's actually around, I think, and more to do with lack of energy to connect. And meditation is, for me, the surest way back to connection." Good food for thought, thank you.
Sat for an hour at the Sangha, last night. Had to, because I was omze (hint: taking on responsibilities like that is a great way of forcing yourself to follow through. I find the simple fact that I have to post the date here each day, or let people down, a motivation for practice. I'm not proud; I'll take my motivation where I can find it :->)
Ruth, the first big struggle (and consequently the first big lesson) I had in meditation, when I first started, was in trying to carry out the instruction to stay aware of my breath without trying to control it. I simply couldn't do it. For weeks -- maybe months, I don't remember -- I fought the impulse to "improve" my breathing somehow, make it more deep and even and dignified. I can still find myself doing it, sometimes.
It was a tremendously important lesson. At the time, of course, I thought it was "something wrong with my practice" -- whereas looking back at it, it looks to me like possibly the most valuable practice I've ever done.
Overslept this morning and only managed 5 minutes - and was aware of time going by throughout. Better than nothing, but hopefully it won't happen again, well not too often.
Aaargh, I didn't sit this morning. I want to become able to do it on the bad days, not just the good days. But also to distinguish between the strong but gentle intention to sit and the grasping, miserable, doomed-to-failure, craving for control.
I have occasionally snuck off to meditate five minutes in a bathroom stall. Not exactly what the stuff that enlightenment-fantasies are made of, but still it helps.
(If only tomorrow morning, when you think "Christ, I'd better sit, or I'll end up in the damn bathroom again this afternoon.")
I fell off the wagon on Sunday. We've been moving the studio. Woke up late to meet friends from out of town and just could not manage to make time as the rest of the day was moving -- I returned home after midnight and the day was over. I didn't even meditate in the bathroom stall :(
I did sit today. I would like to continue with the group even though I missed a day.
(There's a secret to this group, Aki, which is that if you really succeed in making all hundred days, we will throw you out at the end for being insufferable.)
At this point, the Tibetans would tell you to "repair" your commitment -- make it over again, with some understanding of what you'll need to do in order to keep it in similar circumstances next time. (I love the way they speak, not of keeping or breaking commitments, but of injuring and repairing them.)
thank you for your comment dale. i do feel that if i can learn that power of gentle observation rather than control of my breath it will be a huge lesson. in non attachment and i can already feel the connection to making music - following it rather than leading. I have known this for a long time but practicing easier access to it away from the instrument is brilliant.
i've got a few days left!
I don't know how you guys all do this and have jobs and giggling children at the same time. My distractions are few but I can make them very powerful if I want. My casquette goes off to you all.
Dale, thanks for the insight-- I've been delayed in having time to read your comments about lapsed commitments but do appreciate it. There is alot of wisdom in realigning commitments to match one's re-assessments in a way that will continue to work--like truing the wheel. 'repaired' commitments is a beautiful way of putting it (-- and thank goodness for while you wait! I need that!)
And in the end, I recognize that the commitment is a continued effort, the vehicle not the goal. And days like time are just an arbitrary construct.
12 Comments:
Well, as usual, I thought I could do it by myself. But I'm going to ask to join in with you all because accountability seems to be what I need! I did sit last night (despite the interruptions of my daughter's giggles -- how can I resist that?) So I hope you don't mind my waiting til a quarter of the way through? In my mind, it's an ongoing project anyhoo.
Jean, I really appreciate your comment: "little to do with who's actually around, I think, and more to do with lack of energy to connect. And meditation is, for me, the surest way back to connection." Good food for thought, thank you.
Delighted to have you, Moose!
Sat for an hour at the Sangha, last night. Had to, because I was omze (hint: taking on responsibilities like that is a great way of forcing yourself to follow through. I find the simple fact that I have to post the date here each day, or let people down, a motivation for practice. I'm not proud; I'll take my motivation where I can find it :->)
Ruth, the first big struggle (and consequently the first big lesson) I had in meditation, when I first started, was in trying to carry out the instruction to stay aware of my breath without trying to control it. I simply couldn't do it. For weeks -- maybe months, I don't remember -- I fought the impulse to "improve" my breathing somehow, make it more deep and even and dignified. I can still find myself doing it, sometimes.
It was a tremendously important lesson. At the time, of course, I thought it was "something wrong with my practice" -- whereas looking back at it, it looks to me like possibly the most valuable practice I've ever done.
Hi Moose. Glad you're here. Welcome.
Overslept this morning and only managed 5 minutes - and was aware of time going by throughout. Better than nothing, but hopefully it won't happen again, well not too often.
Hi. Welcome, Moose.
Aaargh, I didn't sit this morning. I want to become able to do it on the bad days, not just the good days. But also to distinguish between the strong but gentle intention to sit and the grasping, miserable, doomed-to-failure, craving for control.
{{{Jean}}}
Can you sit five minutes at work?
I have occasionally snuck off to meditate five minutes in a bathroom stall. Not exactly what the stuff that enlightenment-fantasies are made of, but still it helps.
(If only tomorrow morning, when you think "Christ, I'd better sit, or I'll end up in the damn bathroom again this afternoon.")
Hi Moose, Welcome!
I fell off the wagon on Sunday. We've been moving the studio. Woke up late to meet friends from out of town and just could not manage to make time as the rest of the day was moving -- I returned home after midnight and the day was over. I didn't even meditate in the bathroom stall :(
I did sit today. I would like to continue with the group even though I missed a day.
(There's a secret to this group, Aki, which is that if you really succeed in making all hundred days, we will throw you out at the end for being insufferable.)
At this point, the Tibetans would tell you to "repair" your commitment -- make it over again, with some understanding of what you'll need to do in order to keep it in similar circumstances next time. (I love the way they speak, not of keeping or breaking commitments, but of injuring and repairing them.)
what fun to have moose!
thank you for your comment dale. i do feel that if i can learn that power of gentle observation rather than control of my breath it will be a huge lesson. in non attachment and i can already feel the connection to making music - following it rather than leading. I have known this for a long time but practicing easier access to it away from the instrument is brilliant.
i've got a few days left!
I don't know how you guys all do this and have jobs and giggling children at the same time. My distractions are few but I can make them very powerful if I want. My casquette goes off to you all.
ps i swear I'm losing weight too!
My commitment needs repairing. Is there a while-you-wait place?
Dale, thanks for the insight-- I've been delayed in having time to read your comments about lapsed commitments but do appreciate it. There is alot of wisdom in realigning commitments to match one's re-assessments in a way that will continue to work--like truing the wheel. 'repaired' commitments is a beautiful way of putting it (-- and thank goodness for while you wait! I need that!)
And in the end, I recognize that the commitment is a continued effort, the vehicle not the goal. And days like time are just an arbitrary construct.
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