i had a difficult sitting today. I was suffering from irritation about lots of day to day things (broken ipods, insurance people being incompetant etc) and could not extend my loving kindness to the military planes which circled up above me in the vines. I came out and made several Ms Grumpy from Tunbridge wells phonecalls. The only comfort was Dale's words of yesterday about the state of his mind and how he has learned not to hate himself! However, I did have a wonderful walk which turned absolutely spontaneously into a run and gave me great joy and energy. hey ho. can't have it all.
I know I'm repeating myself, but -- I think the difficult sits are probably more valuable than the delightful ones -- as far as insight into what carries us away, which thoughts & perceptions we can't treat as just thoughts & perceptions. Those are the things that have the upper hand of us. It's good to know exactly what they are, and to watch them unfold, so far as you can. Every microsecond you can sit still and watch when one of those ones is getting its teeth into you is pure gold. "The question," as Humpty Dumpty, said, "is who's to be master, that's all."
Last night I was actually in bed with the lights out, drifting off, when I remembered I hadn't sat yet, & I got up and sat a few minutes.
Bad strategy to leave it that late, of course, but I'm happy I did it. (Martha's been gone a couple days, so everything's at sixes and sevens. Don't ask me about the kitchen; I don't want to think about it. And today seven or eight teenagers will descend on the house like monosyllabic locusts. Whatever will I feed them?)
Hey folks, I haven't commented here in a few days. Been sitting, not the 35 minutes my silly ego thinks I should, but nonetheless I'm spending time seated in the upright posture on my black zafu each day.
Some days it's just outside the bathroom where my six year old daughter is *slowly* getting her nightime routine done. Other times it's in the office while my wife is on the computer.
Sat this morning 20 minutes, went into it convinced it would be awful -- little sleep, too much noise -- by 13 minutes or so it was becoming very helpful indeed.
I think I am the most boring commentator in this group. I come here most days and say I sat for 10 minutes or whatever, maybe something happened or not, and that's it. I'm really really glad I'm doing it but .... I'm boring. (Just had to put that out there :-))
Joking apart, yes I sat today. And the 10 minutes was good. Am aware of sounds more now than when I started this commitment, relaxing into them, welcoming them almost. And feeling soothed by the rhythm of the breath, like being gently rocked.
Boring? That's really weird, Mary. If it were so, which it's not, I would think it was a good sign -- a sign that you were paying more attention to the work than to talking about the work. But I'm afraid you're every bit as entertaining as everyone else.
John, I'm glad you're still with us!
The teenagers are actually very sweet, not like locusts at all, and very fluent when they speak to each other. One or two of them can even speak to me :-)
I don't know, I think I am almost concerned that I am not finding the action of sitting more difficult.
There are days, most of them, when my mind is jumpy and wanders, but I am not resistant to the actual action of sitting and I suppose I am a bit worred that, for it to be worth anything there should be more of a struggle involved.
You joked a couple of days ago that anyone who made the 100 days daily sitting without deviation would be thrown out as being unsufferable. I know that was a joke, but I guess it kind of reinforced my concern that I am perhaps engaging too superficially (and hence being boring!).
No no no. I don't believe it for a moment -- that you're engaging superficially. It doesn't always have to be a struggle. I tend to highlight that because I worry about people giving up if it is a struggle, because a lot of people -- most people, even, I think -- have a notion that if it's difficult it means they're doing it wrong, and if they're doing it wrong there's not point to keeping it up. I've talked to a number of people who have told me they "couldn't meditate" -- by which they meant that their mind didn't settle right away. So I'm anxious for people to understand that having lots of distraction and restlessness and resistance doesn't mean they're not meditating. But NOT having lots of distraction and restlessness and resistance certainly doesn't mean that either.
Don't apologize for the weird moments! They're the most fruitful ones. I'm really glad you said that -- it's the sort of worry that could really sabotage you, in the long run.
No. If I thought you were engaging superficially, I'd tell you. It's not a topic to be polite about.
If it *feels* like you're not engaging, and if that feeling persists for long, then you should consult with a teacher about it. But that's not what I'm hearing you say, and it's certainly not the impression I've been getting.
In my experience it's really not very easy to fool or fake meditation in the long term, if you have any serious intention at all. The meditation itself will undo all that. If you more-or-less follow the instructions and keep at it, it's a self-correcting process. It *always* works.
mary I can't tell you what a relief it was to have someone admit to feeling boring. I wish I could be there a bit more with you and that feeling. I often miss an experience because I am so busy plotting how I am going to write or speak about it. I wish I could SHUT UP sometimes!
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I'm away till Monday, so not checking in here doesn't mean I'm not sitting (I hope) :-)
i had a difficult sitting today. I was suffering from irritation about lots of day to day things (broken ipods, insurance people being incompetant etc) and could not extend my loving kindness to the military planes which circled up above me in the vines. I came out and made several Ms Grumpy from Tunbridge wells phonecalls. The only comfort was Dale's words of yesterday about the state of his mind and how he has learned not to hate himself!
However, I did have a wonderful walk which turned absolutely spontaneously into a run and gave me great joy and energy. hey ho. can't have it all.
I know I'm repeating myself, but -- I think the difficult sits are probably more valuable than the delightful ones -- as far as insight into what carries us away, which thoughts & perceptions we can't treat as just thoughts & perceptions. Those are the things that have the upper hand of us. It's good to know exactly what they are, and to watch them unfold, so far as you can. Every microsecond you can sit still and watch when one of those ones is getting its teeth into you is pure gold. "The question," as Humpty Dumpty, said, "is who's to be master, that's all."
Last night I was actually in bed with the lights out, drifting off, when I remembered I hadn't sat yet, & I got up and sat a few minutes.
Bad strategy to leave it that late, of course, but I'm happy I did it. (Martha's been gone a couple days, so everything's at sixes and sevens. Don't ask me about the kitchen; I don't want to think about it. And today seven or eight teenagers will descend on the house like monosyllabic locusts. Whatever will I feed them?)
Thanks for that dale. And Humpty Dumpty. Sometimes you just have to show up, I guess.
Let them cook! Ask them to make menus and dress up in pinnies and serve you. You deserve it!
(could the state of your kitchen have any link to your almost forgetting to sit?)
Hey folks, I haven't commented here in a few days. Been sitting, not the 35 minutes my silly ego thinks I should, but nonetheless I'm spending time seated in the upright posture on my black zafu each day.
Some days it's just outside the bathroom where my six year old daughter is *slowly* getting her nightime routine done. Other times it's in the office while my wife is on the computer.
"Monosyllabic locusts" -- HA! Cracked me up.
Sat this morning 20 minutes, went into it convinced it would be awful -- little sleep, too much noise -- by 13 minutes or so it was becoming very helpful indeed.
I think I am the most boring commentator in this group. I come here most days and say I sat for 10 minutes or whatever, maybe something happened or not, and that's it. I'm really really glad I'm doing it but .... I'm boring. (Just had to put that out there :-))
Joking apart, yes I sat today. And the 10 minutes was good. Am aware of sounds more now than when I started this commitment, relaxing into them, welcoming them almost. And feeling soothed by the rhythm of the breath, like being gently rocked.
Boring? That's really weird, Mary. If it were so, which it's not, I would think it was a good sign -- a sign that you were paying more attention to the work than to talking about the work. But I'm afraid you're every bit as entertaining as everyone else.
John, I'm glad you're still with us!
The teenagers are actually very sweet, not like locusts at all, and very fluent when they speak to each other. One or two of them can even speak to me :-)
Dale: Yes, it wsa weird. Sorry about that.
I don't know, I think I am almost concerned that I am not finding the action of sitting more difficult.
There are days, most of them, when my mind is jumpy and wanders, but I am not resistant to the actual action of sitting and I suppose I am a bit worred that, for it to be worth anything there should be more of a struggle involved.
You joked a couple of days ago
that anyone who made the 100 days daily sitting without deviation would be thrown out as being unsufferable. I know that was a joke, but I guess it kind of reinforced my concern that I am perhaps engaging too superficially (and hence being boring!).
Anyway, sorry again for the weird moment.
Oh... I get it now.
No no no. I don't believe it for a moment -- that you're engaging superficially. It doesn't always have to be a struggle. I tend to highlight that because I worry about people giving up if it is a struggle, because a lot of people -- most people, even, I think -- have a notion that if it's difficult it means they're doing it wrong, and if they're doing it wrong there's not point to keeping it up. I've talked to a number of people who have told me they "couldn't meditate" -- by which they meant that their mind didn't settle right away. So I'm anxious for people to understand that having lots of distraction and restlessness and resistance doesn't mean they're not meditating. But NOT having lots of distraction and restlessness and resistance certainly doesn't mean that either.
Don't apologize for the weird moments! They're the most fruitful ones. I'm really glad you said that -- it's the sort of worry that could really sabotage you, in the long run.
No. If I thought you were engaging superficially, I'd tell you. It's not a topic to be polite about.
If it *feels* like you're not engaging, and if that feeling persists for long, then you should consult with a teacher about it. But that's not what I'm hearing you say, and it's certainly not the impression I've been getting.
In my experience it's really not very easy to fool or fake meditation in the long term, if you have any serious intention at all. The meditation itself will undo all that. If you more-or-less follow the instructions and keep at it, it's a self-correcting process. It *always* works.
mary I can't tell you what a relief it was to have someone admit to feeling boring. I wish I could be there a bit more with you and that feeling. I often miss an experience because I am so busy plotting how I am going to write or speak about it. I wish I could SHUT UP sometimes!
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