I kind of fell off the 100 Days wagon a couple of weeks ago, after my real world life interfered with my online one.
I've been meditating "catch as catch can" in the meantime...but it's interesting how precarious my schedule is. As soon as *anything* interrupts or interferes with one thing, everything else is pushed out of kilter.
I guess this is EXACTLY why I NEED to meditate: my schedule is so dependent on multi-tasking, I really do need the discipline of regularly focusing on One Thing.
I haven't yet found (made) the time to meditate today...but I did sit last night. So hope springs eternal... :-)
Dale, sorry to hijack this blog for a moment, but your comments still don't work on koshtra. I can pull them up fine, but when I click "post" the box goes blank. Thought you'd want to know.
good to see you again lorraine! i knew something was missing.
funny what a different purpose sitting serves in a crowded schedule....
back to the vines again today. all pumpkin and spinach coloured. lovely. the first time perhaps that I have really felt that i was welcoming ALL sounds, even military aircraft's rumble. perhaps it's working....??!!!!!!!!!!!
i am very interested in hearing more about the effect people are feeling in their daily lives...?
Hi Lorianne! Welcome back. Moose --glad to hear your dog is practicing too!
Ruth, meditation has always increased by awareness of all sensory input and of what I am doing in any given moment (including what my mind is doing). The more consistently I practice, the greater the carry-over effect (and vice-versa, of course!) The other thing I notice is that when I'm sitting more of less consistently, the awareness of meditation - and the fact that I will be doing it again within the next 24 hours - is a kind of refuge for me that creates a calmer inner self. The "memory" of meditation creates, in itself, a brief moment of meditation and peace - which is ironic, since that peace isn't a necessary by-product, all the time. But it's like remembering a "place" or an (non)activity that matters to me and is good for me, and knowing I can and will be returning there.
Sat at the meditation center, last night. I was feeling all chuffed about sitting so still -- it was one those restless evenings, & the umze was scratching his nose and fidgeting and coughing, and people were recrossing their legs and hugging their knees and lolling their heads to stretch their necks and all that stuff that you'll never see at a Zen center (where they know the meaning of discipline), and I was sitting still as a breathing stone.
I didn't realize how ego-invested I was getting in it till my bicep started twitching. I'd been raking leaves earlier in the day. My bicep fluttered, and jerked my arm from time to time, and I became willy-nilly just one of the restless crew. I almost burst into laughter, my dismay (and what it revealed) was so comical.
Ruth, when I was first practicing shamata I was watching my daily life closely, and celebrating all kinds of (what I now suspect to be) random turns of mood and happenstance insights as benefits of my meditation. But the benefits are real enough, though they accrued gradually, and I don't really notice them much unless I stop meditating for a few days. Their presence is not very conspicuous, but their absence sure is.
I guess I'd characterize what practicing shamata has given me as patience or resilience. My desires and fears are no less strong, but they're less insistent and desperate, and I don't believe in them nearly as much as I used to. They're always telling me stories about how getting this or having that will make me ecstatic, whereas losing this or lacking that will make me miserable. They don't know what they're talking about, of course, and I'm much better at understanding that than I used to me. There's something about watching the same fearful or greedy thought show up twenty times in twenty minutes -- maybe disguised with a big false nose or wearing a scarlet yarn wig, but no less recognizable for that -- that in the long run just makes it impossible to take them quite as seriously. They're just thoughts.
There's something about watching the same fearful or greedy thought show up twenty times in twenty minutes -- maybe disguised with a big false nose or wearing a scarlet yarn wig, but no less recognizable for that -- that in the long run just makes it impossible to take them quite as seriously. Making me laugh. Big old smile full of rue, here...
yes, I can begin to understand that there is a sense of playfulness arising sometimes in my relationship with my desires and fears, and sometimes I can transpose this to my relationships to other people. This is where I feel the benefit; an increasing sense of the possibility for lightness which I have been missing.
I also feel more awareness of the continuous movement of time; not lurching from one thought or desire or action to another accross a wasteland of nothing but clinging but simply being in the flow.
these are things which are beginning to creep up on me!
Yesterday I enjoyed so much letting Julian's lovely spontaneous portrait of me go out into the e-ether rather than insisting we cling on to it. In the morning the same person bought it that bought his little head study three days earlier so we are out there together. felt so beautiful, as non-clinging always does!!!
11 Comments:
Hey, everyone...I'm back!
I kind of fell off the 100 Days wagon a couple of weeks ago, after my real world life interfered with my online one.
I've been meditating "catch as catch can" in the meantime...but it's interesting how precarious my schedule is. As soon as *anything* interrupts or interferes with one thing, everything else is pushed out of kilter.
I guess this is EXACTLY why I NEED to meditate: my schedule is so dependent on multi-tasking, I really do need the discipline of regularly focusing on One Thing.
I haven't yet found (made) the time to meditate today...but I did sit last night. So hope springs eternal... :-)
Welcome back, Lorianne!
Sat for 20 minutes this morning. And so did the dog.
Dale, sorry to hijack this blog for a moment, but your comments still don't work on koshtra. I can pull them up fine, but when I click "post" the box goes blank. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks, Moose. Yeah, I don't think Haloscan has worked through its problems yet.
LOrianne -- welcome back, amiga! I'll always amazed at how much you do. That you ever find time to sit strikes me as a minor miracle :-)
good to see you again lorraine! i knew something was missing.
funny what a different purpose sitting serves in a crowded schedule....
back to the vines again today. all pumpkin and spinach coloured. lovely. the first time perhaps that I have really felt that i was welcoming ALL sounds, even military aircraft's rumble. perhaps it's working....??!!!!!!!!!!!
i am very interested in hearing more about the effect people are feeling in their daily lives...?
Hi Lorianne! Welcome back. Moose --glad to hear your dog is practicing too!
Ruth, meditation has always increased by awareness of all sensory input and of what I am doing in any given moment (including what my mind is doing). The more consistently I practice, the greater the carry-over effect (and vice-versa, of course!) The other thing I notice is that when I'm sitting more of less consistently, the awareness of meditation - and the fact that I will be doing it again within the next 24 hours - is a kind of refuge for me that creates a calmer inner self. The "memory" of meditation creates, in itself, a brief moment of meditation and peace - which is ironic, since that peace isn't a necessary by-product, all the time. But it's like remembering a "place" or an (non)activity that matters to me and is good for me, and knowing I can and will be returning there.
Sat at the meditation center, last night. I was feeling all chuffed about sitting so still -- it was one those restless evenings, & the umze was scratching his nose and fidgeting and coughing, and people were recrossing their legs and hugging their knees and lolling their heads to stretch their necks and all that stuff that you'll never see at a Zen center (where they know the meaning of discipline), and I was sitting still as a breathing stone.
I didn't realize how ego-invested I was getting in it till my bicep started twitching. I'd been raking leaves earlier in the day. My bicep fluttered, and jerked my arm from time to time, and I became willy-nilly just one of the restless crew. I almost burst into laughter, my dismay (and what it revealed) was so comical.
Ruth, when I was first practicing shamata I was watching my daily life closely, and celebrating all kinds of (what I now suspect to be) random turns of mood and happenstance insights as benefits of my meditation. But the benefits are real enough, though they accrued gradually, and I don't really notice them much unless I stop meditating for a few days. Their presence is not very conspicuous, but their absence sure is.
I guess I'd characterize what practicing shamata has given me as patience or resilience. My desires and fears are no less strong, but they're less insistent and desperate, and I don't believe in them nearly as much as I used to. They're always telling me stories about how getting this or having that will make me ecstatic, whereas losing this or lacking that will make me miserable. They don't know what they're talking about, of course, and I'm much better at understanding that than I used to me. There's something about watching the same fearful or greedy thought show up twenty times in twenty minutes -- maybe disguised with a big false nose or wearing a scarlet yarn wig, but no less recognizable for that -- that in the long run just makes it impossible to take them quite as seriously. They're just thoughts.
There's something about watching the same fearful or greedy thought show up twenty times in twenty minutes -- maybe disguised with a big false nose or wearing a scarlet yarn wig, but no less recognizable for that -- that in the long run just makes it impossible to take them quite as seriously.
Making me laugh. Big old smile full of rue, here...
yes, I can begin to understand that there is a sense of playfulness arising sometimes in my relationship with my desires and fears, and sometimes I can transpose this to my relationships to other people. This is where I feel the benefit; an increasing sense of the possibility for lightness which I have been missing.
I also feel more awareness of the continuous movement of time; not lurching from one thought or desire or action to another accross a wasteland of nothing but clinging but simply being in the flow.
these are things which are beginning to creep up on me!
Yesterday I enjoyed so much letting Julian's lovely spontaneous portrait of me go out into the e-ether rather than insisting we cling on to it. In the morning the same person bought it that bought his little head study three days earlier so we are out there together. felt so beautiful, as non-clinging always does!!!
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