I'm keeping it up; a good twenty minutes last night and another tonight, which I split between sitting and walking meditation. Rain on the skylight; a candle in the far room -- it was good.
sat last night and sorry to lower the tone but it was really difficult and I just felt 'I'm crap at this'. Difficult prickly homecoming, two people fighting for space but wanting to be together, a telly going and a desire to run downstairs and patch up....but I did it and when all the noise stopped I realised the telly just sounded like my mind so who was i to judge it?! I am getting a real sense that quiet comes from the inside. how to get there I'm not sure but i will keep it up. Today I am going to set up a little shrine too;;;;;;;;hang on in there with me!
glad weekends are easier dale. Any more tips on how to deal with other people's noise?
Ruth - we're all crap at this! Meditation isn't something most people can practice and eventually "do perfectly" - at least I don't think so. Even monks and nuns and people living in ashrams talk about the trouble they have with discursive mind and distraction and irritation - especially with living companions. Merton's diaries have made this very clear to me. Human noise is the most difficult for me - conversations, media sounds. That's true even when I'm NOT meditating - I find myself getting irritated at that sort of noise more than anything else and blaming people in my mind fo rnot being considerate. I try to remember what a Buddhist friend told me once - "remember, it's all grist for the mill". As much as we may seek solitude and quiet, it's rare. So if we can see the distractions as a gift - one more thing with which to practice - it helps to lessen the irritation.
I know about those difficult homecomings: even though we are rarely separated we do struggle for our own space but love each other fiercely too - maybe this is especially true for artists. Good luck with all of it.
While I'm waiting for the day 46 post to go through -- it's seeming to have trouble -- I'll comment here.
Last night I was really pleased to have an unhurried sit, because Saturdays have been so difficult for me. But it was one of those times when I was distracted so often, followed my distractions so readily, that I wondered if I could call it meditation at all.
In our tradition we finish up with a little prayer we call "dedicating the merit" -- in which you give away whatever "merit" (difficult concept, maybe I'll talk about it later!) you may have acquired by the meditation to all sentient beings. This was one of the times when I felt perfectly sure I was giving away absolutely nothing. That I was wrapping up a dirty snapped rubber band in Christmas paper.
I'm pretty sure I was wrong about that. I keep repeating this, but I think it's terribly important, so I'll do it again :-) The "bad" sits are at least as valuable as the "good" sits. I know what you mean about difficult homecomings, Ruth. Possibly the value of meditation at such a time isn't finding peace, but getting a close look at exactly what state your mind is in -- what it's doing at a time of unpeace. Meditation like that is terribly unsatisfactory, and I feel ridiculous "dedicating the merit" for it, but in the long haul, understanding my own mind's contribution to the unpeace has been hugely valuable in (among other things) my marriage. How could I expect my interactions to be anything but confused and wounding when my mind is that muddy and turbulent? Can I expect that I'll really be able to give attention to Martha that's any steadier than the attention I'm giving my breath?
It can completely change the dynamics of interaction, to understand how much of the difficulties of it are due simply to the tempestuous state of my own thoughts.
6 Comments:
Sat last night. I seem to be getting better at weekends.
Sat for 40 minutes this morning. It was lovely. It's never what I expect.
I'm keeping it up; a good twenty minutes last night and another tonight, which I split between sitting and walking meditation. Rain on the skylight; a candle in the far room -- it was good.
sat last night and sorry to lower the tone but it was really difficult and I just felt 'I'm crap at this'. Difficult prickly homecoming, two people fighting for space but wanting to be together, a telly going and a desire to run downstairs and patch up....but I did it and when all the noise stopped I realised the telly just sounded like my mind so who was i to judge it?! I am getting a real sense that quiet comes from the inside. how to get there I'm not sure but i will keep it up. Today I am going to set up a little shrine too;;;;;;;;hang on in there with me!
glad weekends are easier dale. Any more tips on how to deal with other people's noise?
Ruth - we're all crap at this! Meditation isn't something most people can practice and eventually "do perfectly" - at least I don't think so. Even monks and nuns and people living in ashrams talk about the trouble they have with discursive mind and distraction and irritation - especially with living companions. Merton's diaries have made this very clear to me. Human noise is the most difficult for me - conversations, media sounds. That's true even when I'm NOT meditating - I find myself getting irritated at that sort of noise more than anything else and blaming people in my mind fo rnot being considerate. I try to remember what a Buddhist friend told me once - "remember, it's all grist for the mill". As much as we may seek solitude and quiet, it's rare. So if we can see the distractions as a gift - one more thing with which to practice - it helps to lessen the irritation.
I know about those difficult homecomings: even though we are rarely separated we do struggle for our own space but love each other fiercely too - maybe this is especially true for artists. Good luck with all of it.
:-)
While I'm waiting for the day 46 post to go through -- it's seeming to have trouble -- I'll comment here.
Last night I was really pleased to have an unhurried sit, because Saturdays have been so difficult for me. But it was one of those times when I was distracted so often, followed my distractions so readily, that I wondered if I could call it meditation at all.
In our tradition we finish up with a little prayer we call "dedicating the merit" -- in which you give away whatever "merit" (difficult concept, maybe I'll talk about it later!) you may have acquired by the meditation to all sentient beings. This was one of the times when I felt perfectly sure I was giving away absolutely nothing. That I was wrapping up a dirty snapped rubber band in Christmas paper.
I'm pretty sure I was wrong about that. I keep repeating this, but I think it's terribly important, so I'll do it again :-) The "bad" sits are at least as valuable as the "good" sits. I know what you mean about difficult homecomings, Ruth. Possibly the value of meditation at such a time isn't finding peace, but getting a close look at exactly what state your mind is in -- what it's doing at a time of unpeace. Meditation like that is terribly unsatisfactory, and I feel ridiculous "dedicating the merit" for it, but in the long haul, understanding my own mind's contribution to the unpeace has been hugely valuable in (among other things) my marriage. How could I expect my interactions to be anything but confused and wounding when my mind is that muddy and turbulent? Can I expect that I'll really be able to give attention to Martha that's any steadier than the attention I'm giving my breath?
It can completely change the dynamics of interaction, to understand how much of the difficulties of it are due simply to the tempestuous state of my own thoughts.
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