Ripples outwards from sitting practice: I'm fed-up and miserable and I'm watching grumpy, grudging and occasionally downright nasty feelings and impulses arise in response to this and mostly pausing and acknowledging them and letting them go without acting on them. Hard work being present more of the time, but not such hard work as helplessly watching them go off out there and bash into other people and then feeling filled with shame and regret...
sat for 10 minutes. Felt like longer. I experienced a kind of small breakthrough in that I saw that one of my biggest attachments is to silence. Rather than try and block out noise this time and be somewhere silent in my mind like my imaginary beach, I tried to embrace it (and being a bank holiday by a natural beauty spot they were all out to challenge me!), and be fully where I was. I realise I am holding on so tightly to silence that any noise shocks me and then I have a judgement about it. and then of course I'm a grumpy old cow.
anyone have any thoughts on this?
off again tomorrow. I'll try and keep in touch and keep at it.
Definitely feeling held here also, and feeling very grateful for it.
Sat 19 minutes this morning.
Ruth: I'm guessing here, but it's been my observation (and experience) that some people are more sensitive to noise. I mean physically. It seems to correlate somewhat with musical ability. I see it in my daughter, and in myself. (It's part of the greater pattern of people with certain gifts having greater sensitivities.) For me, this doesn't change my need to let go, and learn to work around it, but but recognizing it does help me be a little more forgiving and understanding of myself. Understanding that I'm just "that way." As in, "Ah well, there I go again. Oops." Could this be true of you? If not, just disregard the observation!
Also, in regard to daily effects, I noticed yesterday that I am more comfortable with my breath while singing, as a result of my breath while meditating. More confident of the length, breadth, shape and size of my breath. Very helpful for singing, I must say!
I sat a very sleepy 10 minutes yesterday afternoon, and a clearer-eyed 20 minutes this morning.
Oh, Jean, I hear you on the fed-up, miserable, and grumpy routine: yesterday I could barely stand myself, much less other folks! :-(
Re. noise... This morning's sit was very loud, both internally & externally. Internally, my head was all over the place; externally, a chatty workcrew was running loud machinery across the street (still more flood cleanup) while I was meditating. (They've since, of course, stopped.)
I think the interior noise was more troublesome: I'm good at tuning out external noise but am attached to my own mental static.
Even a noisy sitting, though, felt like salve on a burn: soothing!
I wasn't going to comment today (for Wednesday) as with a permanently blocked up or running nose (eeeww!) I am finding it very hard to focus on anything except my cold.
Nonetheless I am finding it helpful (as I did when I was unwell in the single figure days of this exercise) just to sit quietly at my altar, with the Buddha, lit candle and incense, for 10 minutes or so. I am not asking more of myself than that at the moment.
Ruth: Silence - for me it depends on the type and volume of noise. And how sudden it is.
7 Comments:
Sat 50 mins last night, and feeling considerably clearer. Got a good sleep, too. Thanks again. I've felt very supported, "held" by y'all.
& John, thanks for sitting for me yesterday :-)
:-) We're all holding each other, I think.
Ripples outwards from sitting practice: I'm fed-up and miserable and I'm watching grumpy, grudging and occasionally downright nasty feelings and impulses arise in response to this and mostly pausing and acknowledging them and letting them go without acting on them. Hard work being present more of the time, but not such hard work as helplessly watching them go off out there and bash into other people and then feeling filled with shame and regret...
ahhh jean...
sat for 10 minutes. Felt like longer. I experienced a kind of small breakthrough in that I saw that one of my biggest attachments is to silence. Rather than try and block out noise this time and be somewhere silent in my mind like my imaginary beach, I tried to embrace it (and being a bank holiday by a natural beauty spot they were all out to challenge me!), and be fully where I was. I realise I am holding on so tightly to silence that any noise shocks me and then I have a judgement about it. and then of course I'm a grumpy old cow.
anyone have any thoughts on this?
off again tomorrow. I'll try and keep in touch and keep at it.
{{{Jean}}}
Definitely feeling held here also, and feeling very grateful for it.
Sat 19 minutes this morning.
Ruth: I'm guessing here, but it's been my observation (and experience) that some people are more sensitive to noise. I mean physically. It seems to correlate somewhat with musical ability. I see it in my daughter, and in myself. (It's part of the greater pattern of people with certain gifts having greater sensitivities.) For me, this doesn't change my need to let go, and learn to work around it, but but recognizing it does help me be a little more forgiving and understanding of myself. Understanding that I'm just "that way." As in, "Ah well, there I go again. Oops." Could this be true of you? If not, just disregard the observation!
Also, in regard to daily effects, I noticed yesterday that I am more comfortable with my breath while singing, as a result of my breath while meditating. More confident of the length, breadth, shape and size of my breath. Very helpful for singing, I must say!
I sat a very sleepy 10 minutes yesterday afternoon, and a clearer-eyed 20 minutes this morning.
Oh, Jean, I hear you on the fed-up, miserable, and grumpy routine: yesterday I could barely stand myself, much less other folks! :-(
Re. noise... This morning's sit was very loud, both internally & externally. Internally, my head was all over the place; externally, a chatty workcrew was running loud machinery across the street (still more flood cleanup) while I was meditating. (They've since, of course, stopped.)
I think the interior noise was more troublesome: I'm good at tuning out external noise but am attached to my own mental static.
Even a noisy sitting, though, felt like salve on a burn: soothing!
I wasn't going to comment today (for Wednesday) as with a permanently blocked up or running nose (eeeww!) I am finding it very hard to focus on anything except my cold.
Nonetheless I am finding it helpful (as I did when I was unwell in the single figure days of this exercise) just to sit quietly at my altar, with the Buddha, lit candle and incense, for 10 minutes or so. I am not asking more of myself than that at the moment.
Ruth: Silence - for me it depends on the type and volume of noise. And how sudden it is.
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