I sat for 15 minutes first thing this morning. Sitting in a half-asleep stupor felt a bit like living in the Zen Center again, when sitting first thing (well, after bows) was standard. I'm hoping that if I get back into the practice of a first-thing-in-the-morning practice, I'll actually do it.
(In that same vein, now I'm off to write in my journal, a practice that typically mirrors meditation: when I do one, I do both, and when I'm not doing one, I'm not doing either!)
I'm glad, Brenda, that your arm is better. Now we can return to loving your whole person, not just your arm. :-)
Lorianne, but hey, it's fun- & you got it, sister, it was so much fun that I thought why not also love all the parts that are fine too. It was like a volt of bright energy radiating my body. Very energizing until falling asleep. Like the guided visualizations I used to do as a yoga teacher.
Today I'm making tentative movement into a new area - teaching ESL. At a tiny Korean centre, pay not great, two students for 2 hours. If they like me we'll continue. It's a 7 minute walk from here.
In Ontario you have to be certified to teach ESL, which I'm not, but have extensive background in essay tutoring and editing in college & university for publishers like Oxford, Harper's, Longmans, etc. I'm spending the afternoon going through their grammar & essay writing books. A Korean woman started the little centre and is struggling to stay afloat.
It's back to school here today. Have a fine day everyone!
So is September 8th our birthday? Should I come up with a time?
What I've been doing for times, rather than trying to find one that works for everyone, is simply taking the time seven hours later than the previous time, and letting the chips fall as they may.
I managed only four minutes this morning before giving up in disgust, just couldn't stop thinking about myself thinking about breathing. I'm finding this cycle really difficult, I am so far away from peace and calm and the rest of that stuff.
Hmm, following my system puts us at 4:00 AM in London and 5:00 AM on Friday in France & Germany... and 11:00 PM Thursday, Eastern time, in the US and Canada. Should we go with it anyway?
Ach, I know that experience intimately, Udge. But don't get caught in thinking the point is to experience peace and calm. The point is training the mind, and you just have to start where you are with what you've got. It's easy to have a great-seeming meditation experience when you're feeling calm and centered anyway, but the point is not to have any particular experience, but simply to become aware of what your mind's doing and practice coming back when it runs away with you. In fact what you're describing is a perfect meditation, except for the giving up part. I really believe in setting an amount of time -- not a heroic amount of time, three minutes or five or ten or whatever -- and sitting there no matter what.
Most minds most of the time are in a state of huge turbulence and distraction and anxiety. That's just to be expected. Yours isn't any different from mine, that way. Your expectations are just higher than mine, at the moment :-)
Thinking about thinking about thinking ad infinitum can be exasperating, but it can also be comical. Just think of watching your mind as being like watching a Buster Keaton movie. It's slapstick.
*All* you have to do is bring the mind back to the object of attention when you realize it's not there anymore. You don't have to do anything else. You don't have to achieve any peace, you don't have to be calm, you can hate the whole wretched process, you can have the thought "this is ridiculous and I'll never get anywhere with it" ten times per second for the whole session. That's all fine. Everyone who's meditated a lot has had sessions like that. I've had whole months in which pretty much every daily sit was like that.
Eventually the mind settles. Or it doesn't. But either way, the meditation is worth doing. Seeing what your mind is up to is really valuable, even if it's not what you wish it was up to. (It almost never is.)
Oh, Dale, you just hit the nail on the head. As they'd say in Pentecostal churches, "Amen, brother!"
I love your image of the "slapstick" mind. The analogy in my head was "it's like sitting with a two-year-old." You don't expect peace, tranquility, etc. when you sit with a toddler; you just try to keep up with whatever goofy, into-everything behavior the child manifests.
Our minds are like that goofy, into-everything child. You can't stop a two-year-old from being curious, squirmy, etc. You just try to steer that child away from things that might harm it, or things it could harm.
And so we "steer" our minds away from thoughts of the past or future, over which they are powerless. Why continue to think about things you can't change?
8 Comments:
g'morning, everyone!
I sat for 15 minutes first thing this morning. Sitting in a half-asleep stupor felt a bit like living in the Zen Center again, when sitting first thing (well, after bows) was standard. I'm hoping that if I get back into the practice of a first-thing-in-the-morning practice, I'll actually do it.
(In that same vein, now I'm off to write in my journal, a practice that typically mirrors meditation: when I do one, I do both, and when I'm not doing one, I'm not doing either!)
I'm glad, Brenda, that your arm is better. Now we can return to loving your whole person, not just your arm. :-)
Lorianne, but hey, it's fun- & you got it, sister, it was so much fun that I thought why not also love all the parts that are fine too. It was like a volt of bright energy radiating my body. Very energizing until falling asleep. Like the guided visualizations I used to do as a yoga teacher.
Today I'm making tentative movement into a new area - teaching ESL. At a tiny Korean centre, pay not great, two students for 2 hours. If they like me we'll continue. It's a 7 minute walk from here.
In Ontario you have to be certified to teach ESL, which I'm not, but have extensive background in essay tutoring and editing in college & university for publishers like Oxford, Harper's, Longmans, etc. I'm spending the afternoon going through their grammar & essay writing books. A Korean woman started the little centre and is struggling to stay afloat.
It's back to school here today. Have a fine day everyone!
My comments keep disappearing! Watching myself get very distressed about this!
Thrilled to see that Janice has not only a photo, but a blog!!
So is September 8th our birthday? Should I come up with a time?
What I've been doing for times, rather than trying to find one that works for everyone, is simply taking the time seven hours later than the previous time, and letting the chips fall as they may.
I managed only four minutes this morning before giving up in disgust, just couldn't stop thinking about myself thinking about breathing. I'm finding this cycle really difficult, I am so far away from peace and calm and the rest of that stuff.
But yes, let's have a birthday bash on Friday.
Hugs and good health to all.
Hmm, following my system puts us at 4:00 AM in London and 5:00 AM on Friday in France & Germany... and 11:00 PM Thursday, Eastern time, in the US and Canada. Should we go with it anyway?
Ach, I know that experience intimately, Udge. But don't get caught in thinking the point is to experience peace and calm. The point is training the mind, and you just have to start where you are with what you've got. It's easy to have a great-seeming meditation experience when you're feeling calm and centered anyway, but the point is not to have any particular experience, but simply to become aware of what your mind's doing and practice coming back when it runs away with you. In fact what you're describing is a perfect meditation, except for the giving up part. I really believe in setting an amount of time -- not a heroic amount of time, three minutes or five or ten or whatever -- and sitting there no matter what.
Most minds most of the time are in a state of huge turbulence and distraction and anxiety. That's just to be expected. Yours isn't any different from mine, that way. Your expectations are just higher than mine, at the moment :-)
Thinking about thinking about thinking ad infinitum can be exasperating, but it can also be comical. Just think of watching your mind as being like watching a Buster Keaton movie. It's slapstick.
*All* you have to do is bring the mind back to the object of attention when you realize it's not there anymore. You don't have to do anything else. You don't have to achieve any peace, you don't have to be calm, you can hate the whole wretched process, you can have the thought "this is ridiculous and I'll never get anywhere with it" ten times per second for the whole session. That's all fine. Everyone who's meditated a lot has had sessions like that. I've had whole months in which pretty much every daily sit was like that.
Eventually the mind settles. Or it doesn't. But either way, the meditation is worth doing. Seeing what your mind is up to is really valuable, even if it's not what you wish it was up to. (It almost never is.)
Oh, Dale, you just hit the nail on the head. As they'd say in Pentecostal churches, "Amen, brother!"
I love your image of the "slapstick" mind. The analogy in my head was "it's like sitting with a two-year-old." You don't expect peace, tranquility, etc. when you sit with a toddler; you just try to keep up with whatever goofy, into-everything behavior the child manifests.
Our minds are like that goofy, into-everything child. You can't stop a two-year-old from being curious, squirmy, etc. You just try to steer that child away from things that might harm it, or things it could harm.
And so we "steer" our minds away from thoughts of the past or future, over which they are powerless. Why continue to think about things you can't change?
Oh Dale, thank you so much for those kind words. Yes, I shall keep trying - and shall say "slapstick" to myself at regular intervals.
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