welcome devon, anna, eileen, anna meike and prudence!
just sat for 25 mins in hotel, 10 of which were elsewhere, which leaves 15 freight trains and a little space between each.
became aware of how, with all the wonderful new folk on board, i have a desire to chat even more. In between this compulsion I foun d a silent unchatty place where we all supported each other and was reminded that that was what it was all about for me.
worst nightmare are the thoughts about the thoughts about the non-thoughts....
this week have the challenge of sitting next to someone who is trying to push me out of a job. good practice for loving kindness.
if, by the way, this ever does get huger and huger there are ways of dealing with it, forums, discussion threads etc..
Wow, so many people. Big smiles and hugs to everyone. Yes, we have suddenly grown a lot! I really feel for those who look at this and think, oh, I don't do well with large, garrulous groups - me too! I'm thinking though, of meditating in a hall full of people. The week-long retreat I went to last summer, with about 70 people, for example: it was a zen retreat so we were lined up in tight parallel rows facing out from the centre of the room towards the side walls, mats butted up against each other, only just enough room between rows for everyone to get in and out. Oh ho, I thought, how am I going to cope with this? - me who craves space and silence and does so badly in crowded city-centre shops and cafes and buses? That was the last time I had that thought. It couldn't have been more different from the other crowded places I go. I never once felt crowded or cramped or overwhelmed, just held. Sometimes I would close my eyes and feel the bodies around me as indistinguishable from infinite space. I hope we can aspire to this space feeling like that. No one should feel that they have to comment every day, or to read everyone else's comments every day, but to contribute what feels right to you. Sometimes, at the beginning and end of my meditation period, I visualise this group sitting on a circle of mats and cushions around me. It feels good.
Ruth, oh I feel for your situation with your colleague! I'm still struggling with my bad feelings towards my friend/ colleague which arose last week, and she is just annoying me and making hassle for me, not trying to do me down! It's really hard to make a point of practising with this, because it's so uncomfortable. In the past, though, I have had experiences of doing loving kindness meditation every day for someone I had problems with and the results were amazing, startlingly powerful, I was taken aback by how powerful - hadn't ever realised, I suppose, how much we unconsciously hook into and help perpetuate negative dynamics. But it's hard, maybe it takes a lifetime to be always able to do this...
Good morning, everyone. And welcome to Eileen, Prudence, and anyone else I haven't welcomed yet.
Yeah, "huge" is new for us. Jean, I *love* your image of being "held" by all those meditators at the retreat you attended. That mirrors my experience exactly! When I lived in a Zen Center and *always* had people around, I didn't notice the support as much...but now that I live & practice on my own, I really notice the difference when I practice in a large group. It's like plugging into a powerful energy source!
I remember one particular weekend retreat where a lot of old friends--now longtime practitioners--were present, along with a half dozen or more newer practitioners. After the retreat I remarked that it felt like standing in a forest surrounded by trees: some old with deep roots, some younger with shallower roots. But *everyone* gave one another shelter from the wind and rain, and everyone stood on their own base.
It feels a bit like that here: many trees, but not crowded.
I sat this morning, 15 minutes and then some. I went back and forth between simply following the breath and some lovingkindness work. I'm reading this wonderful book I stumbled across in a bookstore while looking for a calendar on the 2nd. John Welwood's "Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships" which was just published by Shambala (there's info at the publisher's site). His theory is that all relational problems, from wars down to our individual bickering and everything in between are caused by a core wound of feeling unloved. Everyone got imperfect love from parents and of course every other human we've had relations with, and we hold grievances because of it. Absolute love is always there in our spiritual connectedness. Our problem is looking for absolute love from the humans who can ever only give relative love. The healing comes from, essentially, lovingkindness work first towards ourselves, and letting go of grievances. A couple of you mentioned feeling "held" by this community and Welwood talks a lot about this feeling of being held.
Anyway, it seemed to fit to work it into my meditation practice in some way.
Do most people simply do meditation that's simply about stilling the mind, or do you focus on anything else?
Hang in there, Devon! I remember vividly how horrified I was the first time I meditated -- my mind was such a wild mess, so different than I thought it was, so out of control and repetitive and petty. I think the bravest thing I've ever done was sit down the second time and face it again. Seriously.
Welcome, Anne! (So we now have an Anna, an Anna-Mieke, and an Anne, right?)
Jude, I at least wasn't skeptical at all, but I'm glad you've found a set of instructions to follow. Next best thing to a teacher. There are hundreds, probably thousands of ways to meditate but I think it's better to start off by sticking to one thing at a time and just follow the directions, whatever they are. Stilling the mind is a tall order in the first place, but stilling the mind when you're trying to invent and evaluate a meditation technique is I think pretty near impossible :-)
Such fellow feeling with Devon. The panic and anxiety can be frightening. I've got it too at the moment.
I was speaking to a friend on the phone last night who is a long time meditator (Buddhist), and she said it was her experience that one can feel very weird in the early days, it is not uncommon and can be very frightening but ultimately it will be OK. Getting to see the reality way the mind actually operates can be a shock.
Welcome to all the newcomers who joined since I last checked in. It's all good.
Zhoen sent me here, mind if I sit quietly in the back? I am new to this, I was inspired to start by a seminar (on other matters entirely) this fall.
The "empty mind" bit (I'm translating, the sources available to me are in German) is very difficult, I realize that I am thinking about how empty my mind is, how to describe this, and so I have to start again...
Thank you, Ruth and Jean and Lorianne, for the kind welcome. I am already feeling more at home here. Today was day one for me, and I sat in the chair I used to meditate on when I learned the final stage of a Taoist practice, which involved bringing energy from the earth and heaven into your body, marrying it and running it through the microcosmic orbit. The last half hour was dedicated to letting this "pearl" do it's thing, going where it wanted to heal whatever needed clearing.
My Chinese master told me I should refrain from doing this energy work after my last bout with breast cancer. So I have been without practice for five years.
Yes, I am five years out and I, thanks to Brenda Clews, now find this place where I may begin sitting on my chair again.
Not knowing what to do there I called to Mother Earth, feeling the energy tingle up my legs, tears of love welling in my eyes. My, but it's been a long time.
I spoke to God, I used to think of him as Father Sky but we are on much closer terms now. More tears. Of Joy. Mind you, I don't know how to cry, I just tear up a little. But it's a start.
So I bring his love down, feel my sinuses popping but am careful not to let those two meet. I share my intention with them; that I will be checking in each day, saying my thanks, expressing my love, and asking for direction. The focus I had when I sat down was to state a particular goal in a positive way and to sit with that positive energy. You see what transpired.
I'm sorry this was lengthy and from now on I will try to keep focused on a brief check-in with you. Thank you for having me and a big hello to all of you I will be getting to know.
I have sound memories, do you? I guess everyone has sound memories
After sitting this morning, one of my favorite sound memories played to me. I like to sit at dawn, well, actually just before dawn ... it's still dark, and the dark changes slowly to light as I sit on my cushion.
This morning, raising my eyes to bow to stone Buddha, the sound memory came in. At Sonoma Mountain Zen Center, we always ended our morning ceremonies with a circle sing ... that old Cat Stevens' classic:
Morning has broken, like the first morning Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird Praise for the morning, praise for the singing God's re-creation of the first day
Not yet, as soon as I digest dinner, though. Promise. Went to see about a yoga class, bit too rich for my budget. Just have to keep on,- not as alone- with all you around.
All the comments are beautiful, and I, for one, don't mind any length they grow to. I know that leaving some long comments, while time-consuming for those who read everything, helped me enormously. Sometimes we need to speak; and we are heard.
I just want to say especially to Prudence, Devon, Jude and any others who are just starting or starting over -- please don't be shy about leaving whatever length comments you want, or telling in detail what your experience is. When I began meditating I had no one to talk to, and it was very difficult. Eventually I found people, both real ones and teachers in books, who were a huge help. Anyway, it's wonderful that you are here and that there are people here ready and willing to support each other. It is actually a big learning for me to listen to people who ARE just beginning; it reminds me of another time in my own life, and it also makes me a little envious of that "beginner's mind" which is open and unclouded by paths and teaching or past expereinces. We all need each other - and no matter how long we've been at this, we're all still beginners. Each breath is a new beginning, too.
You know, I've tried to establish a practice so many times in the past, but always failed. Always let a day or two float down the river and promised myself I would pick it up downstream. But never did. This feels different, however--and the reason is because you all are here. I was just about to go to bed, and I remembered you. Remembered my commitment. Remembered this is only day 4. Okay, I'm going off to quiet my crazy brain.
That is how it works for me, Patry, even now going into my second hundred days. Each day, I usually forget, come here, remember, and then go sit. Dale set this up on the premise that it takes a hundred days to build a new habit. I'm surely the exception to that rule. But then I long ago concluded that the time it takes to cultivate a new habit depends not only on one's passion but on the number of other, stronger, conflicting habits one might have already cultivated. Unfortunately, I've got a few of those. So I'm slow going and grateful for this group. Which still astonishes me for its recent explosion in number. Off to sit now.
18 Comments:
morning everyone!
wow!
welcome devon, anna, eileen, anna meike and prudence!
just sat for 25 mins in hotel, 10 of which were elsewhere, which leaves 15 freight trains and a little space between each.
became aware of how, with all the wonderful new folk on board, i have a desire to chat even more. In between this compulsion I foun d a silent unchatty place where we all supported each other and was reminded that that was what it was all about for me.
worst nightmare are the thoughts about the thoughts about the non-thoughts....
this week have the challenge of sitting next to someone who is trying to push me out of a job. good practice for loving kindness.
if, by the way, this ever does get huger and huger there are ways of dealing with it, forums, discussion threads etc..
have a nice day!
Wow, so many people. Big smiles and hugs to everyone. Yes, we have suddenly grown a lot! I really feel for those who look at this and think, oh, I don't do well with large, garrulous groups - me too! I'm thinking though, of meditating in a hall full of people. The week-long retreat I went to last summer, with about 70 people, for example: it was a zen retreat so we were lined up in tight parallel rows facing out from the centre of the room towards the side walls, mats butted up against each other, only just enough room between rows for everyone to get in and out. Oh ho, I thought, how am I going to cope with this? - me who craves space and silence and does so badly in crowded city-centre shops and cafes and buses? That was the last time I had that thought. It couldn't have been more different from the other crowded places I go. I never once felt crowded or cramped or overwhelmed, just held. Sometimes I would close my eyes and feel the bodies around me as indistinguishable from infinite space. I hope we can aspire to this space feeling like that. No one should feel that they have to comment every day, or to read everyone else's comments every day, but to contribute what feels right to you. Sometimes, at the beginning and end of my meditation period, I visualise this group sitting on a circle of mats and cushions around me. It feels good.
Ruth, oh I feel for your situation with your colleague! I'm still struggling with my bad feelings towards my friend/ colleague which arose last week, and she is just annoying me and making hassle for me, not trying to do me down! It's really hard to make a point of practising with this, because it's so uncomfortable. In the past, though, I have had experiences of doing loving kindness meditation every day for someone I had problems with and the results were amazing, startlingly powerful, I was taken aback by how powerful - hadn't ever realised, I suppose, how much we unconsciously hook into and help perpetuate negative dynamics. But it's hard, maybe it takes a lifetime to be always able to do this...
Good morning, everyone. And welcome to Eileen, Prudence, and anyone else I haven't welcomed yet.
Yeah, "huge" is new for us. Jean, I *love* your image of being "held" by all those meditators at the retreat you attended. That mirrors my experience exactly! When I lived in a Zen Center and *always* had people around, I didn't notice the support as much...but now that I live & practice on my own, I really notice the difference when I practice in a large group. It's like plugging into a powerful energy source!
I remember one particular weekend retreat where a lot of old friends--now longtime practitioners--were present, along with a half dozen or more newer practitioners. After the retreat I remarked that it felt like standing in a forest surrounded by trees: some old with deep roots, some younger with shallower roots. But *everyone* gave one another shelter from the wind and rain, and everyone stood on their own base.
It feels a bit like that here: many trees, but not crowded.
And oh yeah...I sat this morning for 20 minutes. Woohoo!
I sat this morning, 15 minutes and then some. I went back and forth between simply following the breath and some lovingkindness work. I'm reading this wonderful book I stumbled across in a bookstore while looking for a calendar on the 2nd. John Welwood's "Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships" which was just published by Shambala (there's info at the publisher's site). His theory is that all relational problems, from wars down to our individual bickering and everything in between are caused by a core wound of feeling unloved. Everyone got imperfect love from parents and of course every other human we've had relations with, and we hold grievances because of it. Absolute love is always there in our spiritual connectedness. Our problem is looking for absolute love from the humans who can ever only give relative love. The healing comes from, essentially, lovingkindness work first towards ourselves, and letting go of grievances. A couple of you mentioned feeling "held" by this community and Welwood talks a lot about this feeling of being held.
Anyway, it seemed to fit to work it into my meditation practice in some way.
Do most people simply do meditation that's simply about stilling the mind, or do you focus on anything else?
5 minutes & 14 accumulations last night.
Hang in there, Devon! I remember vividly how horrified I was the first time I meditated -- my mind was such a wild mess, so different than I thought it was, so out of control and repetitive and petty. I think the bravest thing I've ever done was sit down the second time and face it again. Seriously.
Welcome, Anne! (So we now have an Anna, an Anna-Mieke, and an Anne, right?)
Jude, I at least wasn't skeptical at all, but I'm glad you've found a set of instructions to follow. Next best thing to a teacher. There are hundreds, probably thousands of ways to meditate but I think it's better to start off by sticking to one thing at a time and just follow the directions, whatever they are. Stilling the mind is a tall order in the first place, but stilling the mind when you're trying to invent and evaluate a meditation technique is I think pretty near impossible :-)
Have sat between 5-10 mins last 2 mornings.
Such fellow feeling with Devon. The panic and anxiety can be frightening. I've got it too at the moment.
I was speaking to a friend on the phone last night who is a long time meditator (Buddhist), and she said it was her experience that one can feel very weird in the early days, it is not uncommon and can be very frightening but ultimately it will be OK. Getting to see the reality way the mind actually operates can be a shock.
Welcome to all the newcomers who joined since I last checked in. It's all good.
should read "reality of the way"
Zhoen sent me here, mind if I sit quietly in the back? I am new to this, I was inspired to start by a seminar (on other matters entirely) this fall.
The "empty mind" bit (I'm translating, the sources available to me are in German) is very difficult, I realize that I am thinking about how empty my mind is, how to describe this, and so I have to start again...
Hey, Udge! Sit anywhere you like. Good to see you here.
Thank you, Ruth and Jean and Lorianne, for the kind welcome. I am already feeling more at home here. Today was day one for me, and I sat in the chair I used to meditate on when I learned the final stage of a Taoist practice, which involved bringing energy from the earth and heaven into your body, marrying it and running it through the microcosmic orbit. The last half hour was dedicated to letting this "pearl" do it's thing, going where it wanted to heal whatever needed clearing.
My Chinese master told me I should refrain from doing this energy work after my last bout with breast cancer. So I have been without practice for five years.
Yes, I am five years out and I, thanks to Brenda Clews, now find this place where I may begin sitting on my chair again.
Not knowing what to do there I called to Mother Earth, feeling the energy tingle up my legs, tears of love welling in my eyes. My, but it's been a long time.
I spoke to God, I used to think of him as Father Sky but we are on much closer terms now. More tears. Of Joy. Mind you, I don't know how to cry, I just tear up a little. But it's a start.
So I bring his love down, feel my sinuses popping but am careful not to let those two meet. I share my intention with them; that I will be checking in each day, saying my thanks, expressing my love, and asking for direction. The focus I had when I sat down was to state a particular goal in a positive way and to sit with that positive energy. You see what transpired.
I'm sorry this was lengthy and from now on I will try to keep focused on a brief check-in with you. Thank you for having me and a big hello to all of you I will be getting to know.
Prudence
I have sound memories, do you? I guess everyone has sound memories
After sitting this morning, one of my favorite sound memories played to me. I like to sit at dawn, well, actually just before dawn ... it's still dark, and the dark changes slowly to light as I sit on my cushion.
This morning, raising my eyes to bow to stone Buddha, the sound memory came in. At Sonoma Mountain Zen Center, we always ended our morning ceremonies with a circle sing ... that old Cat Stevens' classic:
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the morning, praise for the singing
God's re-creation of the first day
Not yet, as soon as I digest dinner, though. Promise. Went to see about a yoga class, bit too rich for my budget. Just have to keep on,- not as alone- with all you around.
All the comments are beautiful, and I, for one, don't mind any length they grow to. I know that leaving some long comments, while time-consuming for those who read everything, helped me enormously. Sometimes we need to speak; and we are heard.
I just want to say especially to Prudence, Devon, Jude and any others who are just starting or starting over -- please don't be shy about leaving whatever length comments you want, or telling in detail what your experience is. When I began meditating I had no one to talk to, and it was very difficult. Eventually I found people, both real ones and teachers in books, who were a huge help. Anyway, it's wonderful that you are here and that there are people here ready and willing to support each other. It is actually a big learning for me to listen to people who ARE just beginning; it reminds me of another time in my own life, and it also makes me a little envious of that "beginner's mind" which is open and unclouded by paths and teaching or past expereinces. We all need each other - and no matter how long we've been at this, we're all still beginners. Each breath is a new beginning, too.
You know, I've tried to establish a practice so many times in the past, but always failed. Always let a day or two float down the river and promised myself I would pick it up downstream. But never did. This feels different, however--and the reason is because you all are here. I was just about to go to bed, and I remembered you. Remembered my commitment. Remembered this is only day 4. Okay, I'm going off to quiet my crazy brain.
That is how it works for me, Patry, even now going into my second hundred days. Each day, I usually forget, come here, remember, and then go sit. Dale set this up on the premise that it takes a hundred days to build a new habit. I'm surely the exception to that rule. But then I long ago concluded that the time it takes to cultivate a new habit depends not only on one's passion but on the number of other, stronger, conflicting habits one might have already cultivated. Unfortunately, I've got a few of those. So I'm slow going and grateful for this group. Which still astonishes me for its recent explosion in number. Off to sit now.
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