Sat this morning for 5 minutes. Better than nothing, I tell myself.
Compassion for self, nurturing and discipline balanced.... so hard for me. I find that finding compassion for myself is key to ending those dark spells, however. Once I find compassion for myself the rest seems relatively effortless.
Today I see I'm jealous — of Dale's bike, of Ruth's meetup — not in any serious way, but I see it, judge it, and then realize I must refocus and amp up the juju right here.
It's been a long & tiring day, the start of what promises to be a long & tiring week. But I sat for 15 tired minutes, and it felt good to *be still*.
As I was sitting, the realization appeared that the strength of my compassion for others is measured by the gentleness of my compassion for *myself*. So it was interesting to see moose's comment along these same lines!
thanks for your honesty moose. It's amazing to own jelousy. I bet it lessened afterwards???
re what beth was saying, it made me think how wonderful to allow oneself theological about turns. There is so much humility in that, and it inspires me. I realise that I am sometimes afraid of what might change, and especially with a lapsed catholic in tow. Your openess to whatever might happen whilst continuing a discipline, beth, is very beautiful.
managed to lie on the floor whilst absorbing gamba sounds in the break yesterday and sit thismorning. I absolutely wouldn't have bothered without you guys.
so what's the thinking. are we taking a 'breather'(!) till the new year? feels like a nice idea to me, maybe we can all digest and come up with how we feel we would or would not like to continue? any thoughts?
I don't really have strong views of whether to start the next 100 days on 1 January or earlier. Happy to go along with whatever others think.
I am still sitting every day, and thinking a lot at present (well, trying not just to think but to be attentive and get beyond the circularity of words) about how to bring some of the discipline, calm and steadiness of sitting out into the rest of life. I feel there is already some repercussion of openness from meditation practice and I am glad of that. At the moment I’m very aware of how much I struggle and live on adrenaline and swing from highs to lows, from inertia to rushing, every day, and how I might try and change that. I don't mean eradicate highs and lows or hurrying when there's a substantial reason, but just about living chaotically when it isn't necessary. Don't know if it is realistic to think about changing this. But I do know that other things I thought were immutable (mood, relationships) have proved to be amenable to practice.
Can we try and think about all sitting at the same time on 16 December? Let’s not obsess about this - it may or not be possible - but lightly explore it and see if we can. Ruth expressed a preference for around 8.30 pm in France. Time zone conversion here: http://www.timezoneconverter.com/cgi-bin/tzc.tzc Please have a look and say yes or no and if no make another suggestion or say what your constraints are.
That would be 2:30 pm for me in the eastern U.S., which should be fine. I do want to do this.
Whether we take an end-of-year break from the "100 day commitment" part or not, I'd like to try to make sure we all stay in touch over that time and have a palce to do that. Personally, I'm going to try to keep sitting, regardless.
By the way, today I had to go to the hospital and have a blood test as a follow-up to my stomach problems back in October. As the technician readied the vein and the needle, I remembered I could just breathe through it. I focussed my vision on a set of empty vials across from me, and breathed. It wasn't painful anyway, just unpleasant, but I felt almost nothing and stayed very calm because of that focus, and also because it reminded me of all of us. I don't think this is an insignificant thing.
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Sat ten minutes last night. Lots to respond to from yesterday but I doubt I'll get to till tomorrow... John and John, are you still around?
Sat this morning for 5 minutes. Better than nothing, I tell myself.
Compassion for self, nurturing and discipline balanced.... so hard for me. I find that finding compassion for myself is key to ending those dark spells, however. Once I find compassion for myself the rest seems relatively effortless.
Today I see I'm jealous — of Dale's bike, of Ruth's meetup — not in any serious way, but I see it, judge it, and then realize I must refocus and amp up the juju right here.
It's been a long & tiring day, the start of what promises to be a long & tiring week. But I sat for 15 tired minutes, and it felt good to *be still*.
As I was sitting, the realization appeared that the strength of my compassion for others is measured by the gentleness of my compassion for *myself*. So it was interesting to see moose's comment along these same lines!
just checking in in paris. (miss you already)
thanks for your honesty moose. It's amazing to own jelousy. I bet it lessened afterwards???
re what beth was saying, it made me think how wonderful to allow oneself theological about turns. There is so much humility in that, and it inspires me. I realise that I am sometimes afraid of what might change, and especially with a lapsed catholic in tow. Your openess to whatever might happen whilst continuing a discipline, beth, is very beautiful.
managed to lie on the floor whilst absorbing gamba sounds in the break yesterday and sit thismorning. I absolutely wouldn't have bothered without you guys.
so what's the thinking. are we taking a 'breather'(!) till the new year? feels like a nice idea to me, maybe we can all digest and come up with how we feel we would or would not like to continue? any thoughts?
back to Bach. thank God (or whoever)
I don't really have strong views of whether to start the next 100 days on 1 January or earlier. Happy to go along with whatever others think.
I am still sitting every day, and thinking a lot at present (well, trying not just to think but to be attentive and get beyond the circularity of words) about how to bring some of the discipline, calm and steadiness of sitting out into the rest of life. I feel there is already some repercussion of openness from meditation practice and I am glad of that. At the moment I’m very aware of how much I struggle and live on adrenaline and swing from highs to lows, from inertia to rushing, every day, and how I might try and change that. I don't mean eradicate highs and lows or hurrying when there's a substantial reason, but just about living chaotically when it isn't necessary. Don't know if it is realistic to think about changing this. But I do know that other things I thought were immutable (mood, relationships) have proved to be amenable to practice.
Can we try and think about all sitting at the same time on 16 December? Let’s not obsess about this - it may or not be possible - but lightly explore it and see if we can. Ruth expressed a preference for around 8.30 pm in France. Time zone conversion here: http://www.timezoneconverter.com/cgi-bin/tzc.tzc Please have a look and say yes or no and if no make another suggestion or say what your constraints are.
That would be 2:30 pm for me in the eastern U.S., which should be fine. I do want to do this.
Whether we take an end-of-year break from the "100 day commitment" part or not, I'd like to try to make sure we all stay in touch over that time and have a palce to do that. Personally, I'm going to try to keep sitting, regardless.
By the way, today I had to go to the hospital and have a blood test as a follow-up to my stomach problems back in October. As the technician readied the vein and the needle, I remembered I could just breathe through it. I focussed my vision on a set of empty vials across from me, and breathed. It wasn't painful anyway, just unpleasant, but I felt almost nothing and stayed very calm because of that focus, and also because it reminded me of all of us. I don't think this is an insignificant thing.
Beth, I'm so glad it helped. It's not a small thing to me either.
And, yes, absolutely, we will stay in touch anyway - no one is going to get an excuse to go away over the holidays and not come back...
That would be 11:30 AM my time, which would work fine.
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