Meditated this morning 5 mins. But today has been easier than for some time thanks largely to the support of two good friends. I have to keep remembering that compassion is the key - both for myself and for others.
Mary, I'm glad you're having a better day today. Why is it so hard to be compassionate to ourselves? I forget all the time!
Continuing on from what Dale said in the last comment yesterday -- yes, that waxing/waning thing rings true. When I first started meditating, which was more than 15 years ago, I was almost immediately drawn deeply into a very strong sense of mystical presence. There were a lot of insights durng the first five years, and things I still find hard to explain or talk about. Since then, the waxing and waning have happened on no particular schedule, but I've never had as much of a "falling-out" as I have since Sept 11 and America’s right turn, the Palestinian/Isreali conflict, the Iraq war, the African and other genocides, and all the incredible injustices in our world, along with unprecedented and sudden illness and suffering in my own family. I never expected to be protected from those things, or that "God" steps in to save the “good” and punish the “bad”, but it has been very hard to keep up the same practices as before, especially with regard to Christianity. I was really, really involved in a church for much of that time; now it's way less and I've shed a lot of beliefs and though I still have something I'd call "faith" it is quite different than it used to be. The really weird part is that this middle period was when I came “back” to Christianity after many years of considering myself agnostic at best. I didn’t expect yet another change – but it happened! ~I haven't rejected it completely but I realize I am way out in left field theologically. Coming back to a meditation practice is a conscious decision for me; I'm curious if there will be yet another cycle of learning, going deeper.
Thank you, Beth. Yes I think it is all about change, evolving and deepening all the time, we never stop. Just sometimes we notice it less, that's all, or it's less conscious. And even feeling stuck, which I am at the moment, demonstrates that change is the natural state of being.
And perhaps what we may perceive as waning or "falling out" or despair or feeling stuck is a necessary part of this whole process, every bit as important as the mystical sense of presence?
I've packed my candle and incense and even speaking about this and all your insights helps move it on for me, although I didn't sit yesterday. As ever, I have to trust it is always in motion.
Rushing to catch the train but thansk to all of you from the bottom of my heart and see you on day 100 hopefully! It is the 16th?
I await instructions - maybe through Mary and Jean at the barbican? My UK mobile from th 9th will be
07981807633
maybe we can meet at the artists entrance in the interval??? I will be rushing off afterwards to be with my pa and it would be good to say more that hello goodbye!! leave me a message.
Been absent. In just about every sense of the word. Still been sitting a bit though.
I do agree that the hard times are not less fruitful in the end than the more joyous ones.
Ruth, sorry for absence and not answering your messages about meeting. Your suggestion sounds a good one. Will ring your mobile in London if not in touch before. And Mary, I'll email you.
7 Comments:
Meditated this morning 5 mins. But today has been easier than for some time thanks largely to the support of two good friends. I have to keep remembering that compassion is the key - both for myself and for others.
Mary, I'm glad you're having a better day today. Why is it so hard to be compassionate to ourselves? I forget all the time!
Continuing on from what Dale said in the last comment yesterday -- yes, that waxing/waning thing rings true. When I first started meditating, which was more than 15 years ago, I was almost immediately drawn deeply into a very strong sense of mystical presence. There were a lot of insights durng the first five years, and things I still find hard to explain or talk about. Since then, the waxing and waning have happened on no particular schedule, but I've never had as much of a "falling-out" as I have since Sept 11 and America’s right turn, the Palestinian/Isreali conflict, the Iraq war, the African and other genocides, and all the incredible injustices in our world, along with unprecedented and sudden illness and suffering in my own family. I never expected to be protected from those things, or that "God" steps in to save the “good” and punish the “bad”, but it has been very hard to keep up the same practices as before, especially with regard to Christianity. I was really, really involved in a church for much of that time; now it's way less and I've shed a lot of beliefs and though I still have something I'd call "faith" it is quite different than it used to be. The really weird part is that this middle period was when I came “back” to Christianity after many years of considering myself agnostic at best. I didn’t expect yet another change – but it happened! ~I haven't rejected it completely but I realize I am way out in left field theologically. Coming back to a meditation practice is a conscious decision for me; I'm curious if there will be yet another cycle of learning, going deeper.
gosh - sorry for going on at such length!
Thank you, Beth. Yes I think it is all about change, evolving and deepening all the time, we never stop. Just sometimes we notice it less, that's all, or it's less conscious. And even feeling stuck, which I am at the moment, demonstrates that change is the natural state of being.
And perhaps what we may perceive as waning or "falling out" or despair or feeling stuck is a necessary part of this whole process, every bit as important as the mystical sense of presence?
I've packed my candle and incense and even speaking about this and all your insights helps move it on for me, although I didn't sit yesterday. As ever, I have to trust it is always in motion.
Rushing to catch the train but thansk to all of you from the bottom of my heart and see you on day 100 hopefully! It is the 16th?
I await instructions - maybe through Mary and Jean at the barbican? My UK mobile from th 9th will be
07981807633
maybe we can meet at the artists entrance in the interval??? I will be rushing off afterwards to be with my pa and it would be good to say more that hello goodbye!! leave me a message.
Been absent. In just about every sense of the word. Still been sitting a bit though.
I do agree that the hard times are not less fruitful in the end than the more joyous ones.
Ruth, sorry for absence and not answering your messages about meeting. Your suggestion sounds a good one. Will ring your mobile in London if not in touch before. And Mary, I'll email you.
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